Explanation

Weigh In: 281.4

I figured I'd offer up an explanation for what I've been doing lately. It's hard to really go at something like weight loss for almost two years now and do it consistently and full speed ahead.

I started this in November of 2006. I weighed 379 pounds back then. I had lost control of my life, I felt like a shut-in who was unable to really do anything because I felt like a complete loser. I wasn't athletic, my eating was uncontrolable. For those of you who weren't around when I described my "typical eating day" back in 2006, it went something like this - with NO exaggeration.

Breakfast: 4 McGriddles, 3 hash brown and a large orange juice.
Lunch: 4 double cheeseburgers, large fry, a few pies and a large mountain dew.
Mid-day: Chocolate bars, ice cream - and on the way home, yes -2-3 double cheeseburgers.
Dinner: Healthy dinner that my wife made, because I was ashamed to talk about what I had done during the day.

I think we calculated something like 7000-8000 calories PER DAY.

Per *DAY*.

So when I look back at that, I know that I've come a long way. But the reality is, I've got a long way to go. I still have 50-60 pounds that I would like to lose. I know that when I'm doing this, I have to be at 100% concentration and 100% FULL DESIRE to get this done - a lot like how I was in the past, and a lot like a many of you are doing right now.

But I got tired of the grind. Doing this 7 days a week in the gym, eating perfect, recording calories, all the sacrifices that go along with it - it wears you out mentally. And when you add my schedule and other personal stresses that consume one's life in a way that takes your focus off of anything else you have on your plate .. weight loss becomes secondary.

For a while, I took that hard. I couldn't understand WHY I couldn't get geared up. I couldn't get why I would go one day balls out, and then just cave in and have crap for dinner.

It's because I needed a break.

So, I'm taking a break - but it's MUCH different than before. I'm not counting calories - and today was the first time I went to the gym in about 4-5 days - and that's saying something for me.

But unlike in the past, I'm not regaining all of my weight on my break. I'm slipping into neutral, trying to stay around the same weight as I can, not lose too much ground, and get my head into it. It's the only way that I can be truly honest with myself about where I am, what I need, and how I'm going to get there.

Soon, I'll be 100% again. Sooner than later, you'll see me talking about the runs, the gym workouts, the perfect eating streaks.. all of that. But right now, I'm recharging the batteries. Now, I'm not going crazy. I'm eating right. Perhaps not the ideal eating conditions for weight loss, but for maintaining, I'm doing ok. Workouts are a little more sporadic, but that comes with an everchanging schedule. That'll be resolved soon too.

This may sound like a big excuse to some of you, but this is how it is with me right now. It's the mindset I'm in. I'm not in fifth gear, but I'm not in reverse. Think of it was sitting in line waiting to fill the tank up at the gas station, except minus the $4+ gas prices.

I'm still here, and for what it's worth, I check the blog a few times daily to see if any comments have come in. I'm VERY ... let me repeat .. *VERY* honored and appreciative that you guys are on me, and not giving up on me. It's what I need, and I hope that my mentality right now doesn't get you down on me. I'm still going to blog, and yes - I do need to do that more often. It doesn't take but a few minutes to blog every day. I'll do better on this.

So, hope everyone is doing well. Forward and onward, right? I just wanted to let you know that I'm doing well, I haven't fallen off the bandwagon, and in fact, have lost 2 pounds since the last time I blogged. I'll get back sooner this time. Thanks!

Tuesday already

June 12 Starting Weigh In: 283.6
Today's Weigh In: 282.0
Total Lost: 1.6 pounds, 9.4 to go

Just a quick shot - just got into work. Things have been going well. I just got out of the gym and here to work, and I've got a healthy lunch planned (thanks for packing the lunch dear). I'm in the 'trap' today - 10 hours sitting on my ass at the office with all the distractions around. I'm determined to not fall for them today.

Then, a softball doubleheader so that'll help on the fitness level as well.

Made grilled walleye last night, it was pretty good. Grilled with with lemon juice, a touch of butter (to keep it from sticking), and cajun spices and had corn on the cob and salad with it. Pretty healthy. I'm starting to get pretty good at the whole fish-on-the-barbie thing, so I think we're going to keep doing that. Great for you, and easy clean up ;)

So, still going strong.

Day 3

June 12 Starting Weigh In: 283.6
Today's Weigh In: 282.0
Total Lost: 1.6 pounds, 9.4 to go

Yesterday was a pretty good day with a potential pothole right at the end. Ate pretty well all the way through the day, but then ended up going to dinner with the parents and wife. Ate Mexican, which isn't the best, but got the sauces on the side, made one of the healthier decisions (could have done better but could have done *MUCH* worse), and then I made sure to not finish the meal, only had one of my two enchiladas. Then, ended up at the bar last night and had two beers.

But, the weight went down a pound this morning, so you know I'm going to keep moving forward. Today so far, I've been to the gym and mowed the lawn and I'm sweating balls. I stepped on the scale a little while ago (with shorts/tshirt on), not quite sure why, and saw 281.4, which means I'm going in the right direction.

Have to be smart this weekend - Father's Day means 2 BBQs, tonight and tomorrow. I said in the past that "one good day" is just a day, "two good days" is a good start, and "three good days" is the beginning to a good streak.

Today's day 3.

Called Out

Yesterday's Starting Weigh In: 283.6
Today's Weigh In: 283.0
Total Lost: 0.6 pounds, 10.4 to go

From Billy's blog:

Rob Tucker.
Weighing in somewhere around 281 lbs, this master of motivation has been spinning his wheels for months. Will he step up to face the "Ocean's 11" challenge? Or will he recede into the background, yet another weight-loss "could-have been"?

So, I get called out.

I've been looking for a reason to get my ass in gear for months now. For the past few months, I've been a shell of what I used to be, and a shadow of what my potential was. I'm not sure how that happened, but with some stressful events in my life and a incredibly crazy schedule, that was a perfect backdrop for a wall of excuses.

I stopped blogging because I was tired of writing about the same failures, and I knew that you guys were tired of hearing about me failing. But, instead of fixing the behavior, I pouted about it and just gave up. I think of all things - even more than the weight gain, that part bothers me the most - the fact that instead of fighting, I kind of gave up.

So, I get called out on it.

The challenge is on, my friends. I read about this yesterday and wanted to kick it into gear yesterday, so I ate right, worked out (even though it was a small workout), but then I spent a few hours coaching football/basketball at Erin's end-of-year picnic with all the 1st, 3rd and 4th graders. I then went to soccer and coached there as well, so I had a good cardio day.

Today, I hit the gym early, and got a good workout in for once. I'm at work all day on a Friday (the 13th by the way), and have 10 hours to find any excuse to eat the horrible food that lays around here. Instead, I had grapes for breakfast (it's incredibly how filling they can be), I brought a yogurt with me to eat around 10am, I have my chili read to rock around 1pm, and then a few smart snacks to get me through the day.

A race to 11 pounds? Ocean's 11? I haven't seen the movie, but I know the ending to this one. I've been to 272.6 a few times, I know that ground well. It's time to revisit.

Thanks to those of you who haven't given up on me - you may have just saved me from disaster.

Brainwashing

I haven't posted for over a week, and it's not for lack of trying.

I've been trying to push myself to the limits, and it's funny the games that your mind and body will play with you. For example.. on Saturday I went to the gym in the morning, mowed the lawn (it was 95 degrees with 95% humidity - I POURED sweat), and then I went on a 17-18 mile bike ride. I ate flawlessly.

My weight went up 2 pounds.

That's not the type of thing the struggling dieter needs to see.

I've been really focusing on getting the eating in check and getting my mental state better. It's been a rough road lately, and my moods in regards to weight loss have been all over the map. I've gone from being SUPER dedication and feeling good about it - that 'challenging' myself mode, to the 'barely hanging on' mode, to the 'who cares, I'll eat it tomorrow' mode.

I've been staying away from the blogs lately because I know this mental struggle is boring to read about. You can only say "I'm gonna.." a hundred times and get the same response from you guys. You already know what I'm going to write, and I already know what your comments are going to say.

And you're right - and I'm struggling, but I haven't given up. It's still going strong, no matter what the scale says.

Running, Eating

Weigh In: 281.4

Time: 33.11

Jim and I ran the 5k Race for the Cure this year and we decided to run it together instead of 'racing' each other. Pretty damn proud of him. I waited a day in case he wanted to brag about it but I'll brag about it FOR him. He shaved like 10 minutes off of his race time since last year, and it was the first time he's done a non-treadmill 5k non-stop. That's incredible, so I'm big time proud of him. I'm proud of myself too - I haven't really ran that much lately and my weight has been going the wrong way, so for me to be able to even finish this race (especially with my bum hip), I'm patting myself on the back.

But exercise isn't my vice - it's my eating.

So, I get to brag about something else.

Had a graduation party today, and you know how they do food at those things. For lunch, I totally skipped the dogs and burgers and worked on sides. So, for my meal I had carrots, broccoli, 2 dill pickle slices, some cut up fruit and homemade coleslaw.

Winner.

Night's not over but we're home from the party and I'll be able to eat a dinner that makes sense. I have to keep this mentality going - everything else is a waste of my time.