I thought I should update you all on what's been going on in my life and why I've been missing from blogsville for the past few weeks.
I am getting a divorce from my wife.
It's hard to type, and even harder to realize. Erin and I had a great run - we met on new year's eve back in 2000-2001, dated for five years and were married for three. I don't want to get into the details - there's quite a bit that I'm not proud of - and I don't want to turn this into anything negative, as there's already so much of that. I refuse to say a bad thing about her and hope that it can be the same way. She's a great person, and we were great friends - but the marriage didn't work. I'll leave it at that and will delete all comments that slam her, me or the marriage.
That being said, I hope that helps to explain where I've been.
I feel lost. I don't have my goals straight or my life planned out anymore. I'm working at the high school full time - probably 12-14 hour days on the slow days, and some nights I don't get home until 11pm-12am because of a band event. That's good though, because it keeps me distracted. It keeps me focused on something so I don't have a lot of time to worry about things. And the best news to come out of it is, I'm a pretty damned good band director. I've found my passion and this is something that I truly know that I was put on this earth to do. I've found a drive to not only teach music - but to teach students to reach beyond what they thought was possible by setting challenges in front of them and just being amazed when they overachieve. Teaching is something that has always been in my blood - and being able to realize this dream is something that I have been needing to do for years.
So my life is the most extreme ups and downs that it could possibly be. I'm going through divorce - and have no job. I quit my $60k+/year job working 30 hours a week at the newspaper so I could student teach - for free, and in fact, I paid $2500 in tuition to do it. My stability is gone, my faith is weakened, and I'm holding onto everything that I can to keep my entire world as I know it together. I spent quite a bit of time with my in laws, my church, my friends - and essentially it all disappeared.
Weight loss has been a struggle lately, as you can imagine. It's in my mind - I *NEED* to start eating right. I'm living on my brother's couch, and just not in the right mind frame to eat healthy and work out. I haven't seen the gym in almost a month. I've been eating out most meals because I don't want to bother my brother by preparing food in his house - I know that sounds stupid and he'd kick me if I said that, but I don't want to impose on him.
I have no idea what my weight is - my brother doesn't have a scale and mine is still at my house. I know I'm losing control, and every day I wake up saying that today is going to be the day that I get my head back on and regain control of my life, yet I slip into shitty eating and not working out every single day. Now, I'm on my feet for at least 12-14 hours a day, so the gym isn't *AS* detrimental as the eating, but it's still a factor.
My motivation has been gone lately. I'm not looking for pity. I'm not expecting anyone to give me a free pass. The bottom line is, I'm in a major rut and just don't know how to get out of it. New opportunities in my life are popping up now, and I'm not strong enough to force myself to the gym and to eat right, right now. But I need to.
This is the time of my life where I need to stand up and make a decision - am I going to regain all of this weight because of the struggles in my life that I am facing, or do I pull myself up out of the quicksand and fight?
It's so much easier to say than do. Just hang in there with me - if I don't post, it's not because I don't care. It's because I don't see a computer for days sometimes. I'm around, but I'm fighting the battles right now.
I haven't failed. For whoever said I did, you're mistaken. Thanks anyway, though.
11 comments:
Damn, Rob.
I'm sorry to hear that man, really sorry.
All the health and weight loss focus can definitely be put on hold right now and rightfully so.
Just worry about sorting stuff out, ya know, and take the time...
Sorry, man. This just sucks.
very sorry to hear all of this. Someday soon you will pick up the pieces, things will start making sense, and you'll move on. Even not knowing you very well i'm sure of that.
Here's to hoping that day comes sooner than later.
Im so sorry to hear this Rob. If you need anything at all, anything please give me a call. Seriously.
You know JIm and I are always here for you Rob. We're sorry to hear about this too. Marriage isn't easy and we had our ups and downs in the past four years too. Here's wishing a new start to you...when you're ready to tackle it. Give yourself some time now.
I disagree about putting your health and weight loss focus on hold.
I know this is an extremely difficult time for you, but it's also a defining time. It's a chance for you to set a new tone in your life.
This is your chance to turn things around for yourself. This is your chance to be the man you want to be, with the life you want to have, not the one you happened upon. You're doing what you want, you're making sacrifices. You might not be doing what's comfortable but you're doing what you know is right for you. And that doesn't sound like the old Rob who ate himself halfway to death. That sounds like the Rob that took charge of his life and made it into what he wants.
Look, I know it's hard. But honestly, I think that it's the best way for you to move forward. You know how to do it. You're going to start feeling good about yourself again and it's going to help you move forward rather than wallowing in misery.
I'm sorry all this is happening, but things happen for a reason. You're about to be single again, and you'll have a much better time of it if you stick to your guns and drop the weight. You'll look better, you'll feel better, and you'll have the confidence.
Think about it man. I'm not giving you a pass because that isn't how life works. It's not about how hard of a punch you can take, it's about whether you can get back up.
I have to agree with Billy on this one. I remember when I went throug a break-up, I used the anger to fuel my workouts and it really paid off.
I can't even imagine what you are going through. I'm very sorry Rob. I wish you nothing but the best.
As trivial as weight loss may seem right now, it could be a great way to shape how you want your life to start from here on out. This is pretty much what Billy said and I agree so I thought I would reinforce it.
Best of luck with everything!
Man so sorry to read this Rob... Only thing you can do is take care of yourself and stay as busy as possible. It is a good time to redefine yourself cause its just you now. Know that everything gets better with time. stay strong and keep doing what you can.
I am so sorry that you are going through a divorce. Especially when your teaching career is taking off . . . but . . .It is CRITICAL for you to eat right and exercise at this time in your life.
Why?
(1) It is something you can have control over when everything else is out of control.
(2) You will feel better. Exercise releases all those feel good chemicals - like an antidepressant pill. Eating crap makes you feel like crap and drags down your energy making you less able to cope. You know this.
Don't have time/space because you work all day and live with somebody else? If it is going to be your situation for awhile:
(1) Go buy a mini-fridge ($60 at a big box store) - keep it in his garage so it is not in his way
(2) Buy a ton of that semi-disposable tupperware
(3) On the weekend fill up your mini-fridge with pre-assembled meals in your tupperware that you can eat during your super-busy days so you aren't eating crap. Put some whole foods in there: cut up whatever veggies you like, add 6 oz of chicken breast or tuna fish and an apple. Pack a little container of light dressing to dip your veggies in
(4) Invest in a cold storage bag that can keep everything from spoiling during your 12-14 hour day. They're cheap!
This may seem like an investment, but you will save $$ in time over eating out.
No time to exercise: stop in the break room before/after every bathroom break and do 20 pushups and situps.
You have to attack this with a solid plan. You can do it. Don't fall down. Let weight loss become your obsession and distraction, novocaine and motivation. Be an inspiration to the kids in health as well as music.
Dude. Billy's advice was spot-on. I was amazed that you could do as much as you could with weight loss while you were married. Being single is a much greater potential catalyst. Relish in the positive feedback that you get from the glances and eventual stares from the women you encounter. The world is your oyster. Shuck it!
Rob Im sorry to hear about you and Erin getting a divorce. You seem like a man of great resolve so I know you can weather through this, as you know its not easy but it is possible. I have to agree with Billy, there is no time like now to focus on losing weight. When youre feeling sad, lonely or whatever you always have the gym. As someone else says you get those feel good chemicals going and you can lose weight in the process. Ive never been through a divorce so I cant say I know how you feel. I can only imagine. I do know this that you can and you will survive.
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