Sometimes, you just want to flip life the bird.
For the past few days, my workouts have been stale, my eating has been average, and my weight has been bouncing back and forth on a scale that I'm not so sure has been very accurate for me. For example, both yesterday and today I stepped on the scale and got fluctuating numbers. I'd step on it and get a 306, but then slide it over to the big 250 block instead of the 300 block and try to balance it out, and get roughly a 301 or 302.
The bottom line is, I need to get real numbers.
So, I went out and got a scale today. Calibrated, and figured that the number on the sliding gym scale may not match the number on the digital.
Reality hit me right in the face today when I stepped on the digital scale about 10 times tonight and got a fluctuation from 309 to 311. The cold hard facts are that I'm not as close to 300 as I thought.
But, taking the positive spin, since I've been on the same exact scale since November, I've STILL lost the 45 pounds that I've kept track of. That can't be taken away from me. It just seems as if my starting weight was higher than I had anticipated.
So, I'm going to remedy this tomorrow morning. I'm going to step on the scale when I wake up, and then again after step class (which will be about 90 minutes after I wake up), and then step on it again when I get home. If the numbers are about the same difference between each scale as they are now, I'll presume the accuracy, and start back with my actual numbers.
My "Fourth and X" number will stay the same, because I've still lost that much weight. As I said, it'll just be my starting number that'll go up, along with my current. So, that means I won't be hitting 299 this month.
This is very frustrating, but a natural part of the cycle that I have to accept.
Also, I've been struggling to drop the number again these past few days, so I did what I didn't really want to do. I went back to my graph, found the last time I was struggling with the weight, I checked for the last time I had a 'cheat' meal and studied my progress afterward. I had a large loss for about a week, so that's what I did today.
I had a double cheeseburger from McDonalds, a large fry and a McFlurry. About 1500 calories in one meal. I felt like crap all day because of it, and I've been physically ill most of the night for it. The good news is, my body knows the difference between healthy food and garbage, and is trying to reject the bad stuff. Hopefully, this will give my body the stimulus that it needs to really go for another push.
Frankly, I'm at the point where being over 300 just pisses me off. I've felt my attitude towards being 300+ go from an apathy, to a goal, to an annoyance. Every time I see that number stay put, I'm starting to get a bit angry about it.
So, whether I'm 303, 306, 309, or 311 tomorrow, that's what my number is. The only thing that I can do is channel that anger, and turn it into workout fuel.
I'll update the numbers on the tickers and such tomorrow accordingly.
8 comments:
I am very interested to see what your reading is in the morning. We find that at night, we weigh a good 2 pounds heavier than in the morning.
At least you can face it and move on.
Oh Rob...
First of all, why don't you keep buying new scales until you get one that says 299?
My point is, all scales are different. My digital scale tells me I'm a full 10 pounds lighter than the weight/balance one at my doctor's office. It doesn't change the reality of your situation. You've still lost 45 pounds, and you still have more to lose, that's it. And I think the weight/balance scales are the gold standard, so I would trust that one more anyway.
Secondly, what's up with the McDonalds? I understand the concept of a cheat meal. While I find it based on questionable science, I understand it. However, I suspect your reasons were different. I think you ate out of frustration and anger, and you turned to food.
Maybe I'm wrong, but if I'm right, you'd do well to see it for what it is. After all, there are much healthier things to pig out on for a cheat meal. As Dr. Andrew Weil once said, "If you're going to overeat, it's better to overeat healthy food than unhealthy food."
I'm a big anti-fast-food guy. Honestly, it's nothing but saturated fats, trans fats, low quality protein, highly processed carbohydrates and High Fructose Corn Syrup. If you're gonna do a cheat meal, at least choose something high quality to pig out on!
Sorry to rant, I don't mean to come down on you. But after all, that is kinda my M.O. :)
You can't win every battle, soldier. But you can win the war.
First, Billy DOES mean to come down on you, but that's why we like him.
Second, I agree that the weight/balance scales are FAR more accurate than the digitals.
Third, you're going through something the experts call "life." It's not always pretty, and sometimes it gets in the way.
Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!
Keep moving forward.
Billy - I hear you on everything you just said. If it makes you feel better, I felt like shit all day because of that meal. It was like I put a giant boulder right in the middle of my gut and it just got heavier throughout the day. Trust me when I say I was punished.
I guess it goes back to the advice that Josh gave me - once in a while, have a meal of that 'bad stuff' - it gets the craving out, it will boost your metabolism (because the body goes into a semi-shock).
The worst thing (in hindsight it's pretty good I guess) is, I didn't even enjoy it. I enjoyed ordering it, and telling someone to grab it for me, but I didn't like the feeling of knowing what I had just taken in.
For what it's worth, I don't think I'll be doing it again (unless the results are the same as I had in March - a HUGE drop for about a week straight after the fact).
As for the scale, the concern I had was the inaccuracy of the one I've been using. I've been lying to myself when I've been thinking that this thing was accurate. It's a gym scale, beat up pretty bad, and I was getting two different measurements, depending on how I lined up the bars, without stepping off the scale.
For example, if I put the 300 block over, I would get it to read about 306, but I could 'fidget it' down to about 303 and get the balancing bar to JUST miss not-balancing. Then, I would take the 300 block, move it down to 250, and then slide the other one JUST PAST the 50, and get a reading of 301.
If I'm being honest with myself, I was sacrificing the preciseness of a personal scale for the flexibility to take whichever reading that I so chose. Not the path I should be on.
Buying the digital scale wasn't out of "trying to get a better number" - if anything, it's gone up a few pounds. I just need something more accurate and reliable.
And yes, can you tell that this is driving me up a wall lately?
Not to worry.
As you've menioned in previous blogs, sometimes you just stabilize. You had your spoil, it's no big deal. You're still focused. Brush it off. Keep your focus. If every day was a good day, none of them would be. It's a matter of prospective.
Don't forget, you have a student now. Don't overrationalize, and don't let the 299 become a stigma. The new Rob is already here.
Back to the basics. Get back into your routine. All of the extra work you have been doing is no doubt taking it's toll. Pace yourself and you'll be fine.
And...your magic number is just around the corner...but it's only a number. You've made the changes, you've become aware, so "forget about it".
Remember "HE MAN"?
That's the new you...now go do it, and take no prisoners
Dad
I didn't mean to imply you were trying to get a better number, I know that's not what you're doing.
I was trying to illustrate how meaningless that readout is compared to the number that really matters, which is the amount you've lost. And how none of it changes the truth of the situation, which is how much fat is left on your body.
As far as the junk food goes, I'm glad to hear that you didn't enjoy it. That's definitely a good sign that you're moving in the right direction.
For me, I think the best thing to do is to avoid those foods until I mostly don't want them anymore. What happens with me is like cigarettes (I used to smoke). As soon as I have it, I start to want it more. But if I stop completely, eventually I stop wanting it altogether.
The point is, we'd all be much better off without crap like McDonalds in our lives. We all work differently, and what works for me may not work for you, and vice versa.
And, I'm really impressed to see you being honest with yourself about some of those things, like choosing your weight on the scale. Being honest with yourself is the only path to success.
I decided to be honest with myself when I first stepped on that scale after 3 years, and took a picture of my own fat ass. That's when my progress began. Up until then, I'd been lying to myself by not stepping on that scale, and not being photographed.
That's a big step, and I'm proud of you.
Your cheat meal is worrysome to me. You've been telling me that you haven't even been desiring McDonalds/fast food, but then you have it as a cheat meal. I just hope it's not the start down a slippery slope of no return.. :(
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