Reality Check

Weigh In: 296

I've got to get a few things off my chest.

Frankly, I'm getting a bit irritated at myself. First off, I've been at, or around, 296 for about 2 weeks now. A bit of a plateau, if you will. But it's been self induced, and it's about time that I call myself out on it.

Why would I go to the gym 6-7 days a week, play softball at night, and eat right 99% of the time if that last 1% is just going to screw me, day in and day out? It doesn't make sense to me - and the fact that I've been failing to the make the right decisions with my food lately just pisses me off.

I mean, I've got every perfect excuse in the book. Let me know if you've heard any of these before:

1. I haven't had time so I just grabbed what was there.
2. Everyone at work ordered something, so just a few bites doesn't hurt.
3. It's a holiday - the BBQ is part of it, I didn't want to be left out.

Take the last two days for example. Monday was awesome. We had about 40+ of our favorite relatives at our new house for our big 'kickoff' BBQ - the first major bash at our new place, and most of my wife and my relatives got to see our house for the first time. I was manning the grill, and probably put about 40 burgers, 40 dogs, 20 brats, you name it - on the grill. I was the "King of the Grill", as the phrase on the front of my apron proclaimed.

So why, if I'm the "King", did I have to have a cheeseburger and a brat, along with about 3 solid hours of snacking on traditional BBQ appetizers and side dishes?

And then again yesterday, for my sister-in-law's birthday, we had them over for a small BBQ, this time much more low key - and with less 'excuses', right? I had 2 cheeseburgers, and since I was 'watching my weight', I took the top half of the bun (on the second burger only) off to "save calories".

But, I wasn't thinking about saving calories when I had the macaroni salad, cream cheese rolls or even that scoop of Neapolitan ice cream, right?

And I sit back and wonder why the scale hasn't budged. Hell, I should consider myself LUCKY that I'm not over 300 again.

It just gets me mad - I step on that scale every single day. I mean, I really bust my ass in the gym, and take a ton of pride in that. And then I eat great for "most" of the day.

That's about as helpful as being a fighter jet pilot who doesn't crash "most" of the time.

I need to get my head on straight, and stop justifying the stupid crap.

Eat the good stuff, skip the bad stuff.

It's so damn simple.

Game Time - Again

Today: No Weigh In.
Yesterday: 292.5 (new low!)

Ok, first off - congrats to Kevin for getting your average solidly under 300. VERY happy for you on that.

That being said, Kev hitting the 299's has set me back into gear. I've been going strong just because I've set these working out habits into motion, but my mental motivation seems to go up and down. I cheat a little bit on the diet - nothing that would break me - and I tend to be a little lax - but I need to really gear up, and knock these pounds off. What I'm not keeping in mind is that I've set these high goals for myself, and if I want to see 250 in the right time frame, I need to really push myself the way I did through the 'hard' stages.

To use a NASCAR comparison (I'm not much of a fan), I see Kevin as part of my team. If you don't watch NASCAR, each team will have different racers. If you're on the team with another racer, and he wins the race, that's good for you. Your team succeeds, and your teammate experiences victory. Everyone's happy.

But, if your teammate is winning, that means you're not.

It's a friendly competition where the best possible results is for you BOTH to be winning every single time. Just like in NASCAR though, that's not always possible.

I hit 299 before Kevin, and I felt like that was one of my small 'victories'. But, then Kevin was struggling with it, and I really felt his pain. I knew that feeling, and it sucks. There was nothing I wanted more than to see my teammate through all of this break through that barrier.

So - Kevin - CONGRATS! Hitting 299 is awesome, and you just recently hit 297. That's completely awesome.

But, that means that you're coming up on my rear view mirror in a hurry - and we need to keep racing to the end - because you pushing me, and me pushing you - that's been our secret all along.

Time for us both to put the pedal to the floor and hit the straight away. See you at the checkered flag, Kev.

I Crack Me Up

Weigh In: 296

First off, if you're wondering what the hell the picture is all about, this girl was bowling next to Erin and I tonight. Obviously, she was the "butt" of our jokes all night at the bowling alley. Every time we saw her bowl tonight, she "cracked" us up. I'll tell you though, it must have been a full "moon" outside, because the scale was really "pooping" out on me today.

Ok, enough of that. Onto the blog.

The weight's really starting to bug me. As I've said in the past few days, I know the story, I know how the body works, and I know it'll eventually come down, but now I'm starting to get irritated. I actually slapped the hell out of the scale today, making quite the loud banging sound in the gym locker room, when I saw 296 again.

I know the rules - and I know that it'll come down, but it seems like I've gone nowhere for almost 2 weeks now. Just be patient, and hang in there, right? So, that's what I do. Working out every day, eating right - the body can only win the mini-battles, I'll win the war.

So, here's for another strong workout tomorrow.

Time to get CRACKin'.

The Balance of Good and Evil

Yesterday's Weigh In: 294
Today's Weigh In: 296

In the past, when I saw a 10 day plateau (ranging 3 pounds), I'd freak out. I'd get all worried that I was failing, and that I wasn't ever going to break it. I remember when I was stuck at 330 for 21 days, and I considered quitting more than once.

Now, it's like that fly that keep buzzing by your ear.

It doesn't hurt you, and it doesn't do any permanent damage, but damn, does it piss you off.

I'd say that it doesn't make sense - I've been in the gym every day this week going just as strong as ever before, and my eating habits have been lock-step. But, 10 days ago, I was 296, and today, I'm 296.

One of the things that happens during a long term weight loss journey is that you learn more about your body. My body fluxuates wildly. I'll be steady, steady, and then boom - 4 pounds, one way or the other. I'm not sure why, or what causes it, but I do know that it happens, and that's just part of it.

So, going from my low of 293 back up to 296 doesn't make me want to do cartwheels, but the lesson that I've learned is - the wheels aren't falling off. I just need to continue to what I'm doing, and it'll happen.

Besides, if weight loss was easy, EVERYONE would do it, right?

6 Months

Weigh In - November 22, 2006: 354 pounds
Weigh In - May 22, 2006: 293.5 pounds
Six Months Total Weight Lost: 60.5 pounds

Today's Weigh In: 294.0

I didn't realize it until today, but yesterday marked 6 months for me on this Fourth and 100 mission. It's hard to believe that it's half of a year already, and it's even harder to believe that I've stuck through this, and not only am I doing well, I'm gaining steam.

I look back six months, and it was just another attempted weight loss try. I tried so many times in the past, and as my wife would say, I failed so many times because I didn't take it seriously enough, and she doubted that I could succeed. Honestly, I couldn't see myself losing the weight either.

"I'm going to lose 100 pounds" I said.

I didn't believe it myself. As I said as I was nearing the 300 barrier, I couldn't picture myself in the 200's. I didn't have a visual in mind what that would be like. It's kind of like trying to picture 100 million dollars sitting in front of you, in $100 bills. I mean, you can visualize the number, but could you actually SEE it in front of you? Can you imagine what it's like to see it come to fruition?

Not only did I never expect to be down 60 pounds in only 6 months, but I never expected to have the connections with people that are struggling with the same thing. I never thought that I would be one of the people that others looked to for support. To hear someone tell me that I motivate them - that I INSPIRE them.. it's hard to put into words what that means to me.

From my Blogspot blog, then to the Calorie-Count.com blog, and then into my personal life, I've seen others around me change their mentality when it comes to the whole weight loss thing.. it's pretty damn amazing. I mean, my cousin quit smoking. He works out with me, and he's doing a HELL of a job. My boy Jim is working out and walking 4-8 miles a day, and he's training for the Race for the Cure.. that's 60 miles in 3 days. That's incredible to me. My other buddy Zogie has been in the gym, pushing hard. People at work have seen my successes and have started going to the gym, eating right, and doing what they need to do to transform themselves.

I've been told that I've 'inspired' each one of them. Seeing what I have accomplished has pushed others to do the same.

There are no words to tell you how that feels to me.

So now, I'm in my second 6 month period of my first year of a healthy lifestyle. Things are so much different now. As I said before, my workout is just part of my day - I've integrated it into my lifestyle. I eat better, and the foods that I used as comfort in the past - the cheeseburgers from McDonalds.. the Pizza Hut pizzas, the nights of beer binging, they're all gone. I don't long for them anymore - if anything, it disgusts me. That part of my life is so far gone that it's hard to imagine that it was my life. Waking up thinking about my meals, and that feeling of uncontrollable binging - they're not gone, I can't even pretend that they are.

But I feel like I'm in control.

So, here's to everyone that is doing this. As much as I've been told that I am their inspiration or motivation, the same thing rings true the other way. For Kevin and Becky, you guys were the ones to inspire me to do this. Guys like Billy, who are machines and have made unbelievable tranformations. Guys like Zogie and Jim, my boys for years.. doing their thing. Everyone on calorie-count.com.

As much as you couldn't "do it without me", that comes full circle.

I wouldn't be sitting here, in the 200's, without the motivation that you guys have provided me. The good examples, the determination, the creativity and the thought process that binds us together.

I feel great about this second half of the year. Thanks for taking the ride with me.

There's Only ONE Way To Win the War

Weigh In: 293.5

First off, I have no idea what that picture means, but I thought it was funny. And, it has the words "Hard Work" in it, which is the theme to this post, so it works.. Ok, onto the blog:

Sometimes I forget how much work I put into my workouts and such, and I think I take my efforts for granted. I guess that's a good thing, but there's a reason I say this.

My workout routine is habit now. I get up at 5:15-5:30, and I'm in the gym at 6am. I get out around 7:15, showered by 7:30, and I'm off and running on my day. It's just what I do. I don't really even think about it anymore. As much as work, school and lunchtime, it's a part of my day.

I've come pretty damn far in that mentality. As little as six months ago, I thought that my workout was the highlight of my day. It was a major accomplishment to show up at the gym and get any type of workout out. It wasn't part of my day, and it wasn't ranked as high as school, work, or lunchtime.

I've got a long way to go on so many aspects, but I feel pretty confident that I'm going to hit any goal that I set for myself when it comes to my weight loss. I work hard, and I reap the rewards. I'm able to call myself out when I'm down, and I know that when it's time to pat myself on the back, I feel like I'm able to. This blog as done wonders for my level of personal accountability, and I can honestly say that without it, I definitely wouldn't be where I am today.

People ask what I'm doing to lose weight. I tell them that there are two kinds of food: good stuff, and bad stuff. I eat the good, go easy on the bad. And when it comes to working out, I just do it. No excuses, no putting it off. It's as important to me as waking up in the morning, and going to bed.

The bottom line is this: If you want to reach your goals, you put the work in.

If you don't, you won't. It's really that simple.

That being said, it's an early night tonight. 6:05am Powerflex class tomorrow morning.

Landscaping

Yesterday's Weigh In: 293.5
Today's Weigh In: 294.5
Five Day Average: 294.4


Ok, so my wife has heard this story about 30 times today, but I guess once more won't hurt.

So, there's this huge sandbox in our backyard, it was there since we moved in. Since we don't have kids, we decided there was really no point in keeping this.

Today, I woke up and was in the gym lifting weights by 6am. I was out of the gym by 7:30am, and then I went home, had breakfast, and then picked up Gary's wife's Patty's truck, and set on my way to move this sand out of our backyard.

Yesterday my buddy Jim came over, so I shoveled all the sand out of this sandbox, and put it on a tarp right next door to it. Sand transfer #1.

Today, I got the wheelbarrow out, and moved all the sand from the tarp to the wheelbarrow (Sand transfer #2), and then wheels about 17 loads of sand from our backyard, around the house, and into the truck (Sand transfer #3). Then, I drove the truck to the recycle center, and had to back the truck up, and use my trusty shovel to scoot all the sand out of the truck and into the center dump (Sand Transfer #4).

This took four hours. Oh, and one small note. When I went to the recycle center, they weighed the truck on the way in, and again on the way out - so they could get the total weight of how much sand I moved four times, so they could charge me appropriately.

1580 pounds of sand.

Moved four times.

After a weight lifting workout.

Needless to say, I felt pretty sore after this job. But, I felt pretty strong afterwards. If I would have taken this on 6 months ago, I seriously doubt I would have been able to finish it. Today, I could have gone back to the gym and worked out again. I've noticed that my strength and endurance are getting stronger, and my recovery time is really improving. In fact, I actually did my actual heavy duty weight lifting today, but also yesterday.

So, a step in the right direction.

As for my weight, it's creeped up a few pounds over the past few days, but I think that was to be expected. 8 pounds in a week is a wee bit much to expect, but considering that last Friday I was 301 pounds, I'll gladly take my 294.4 average and run with it.

So, another day, another dollar. Catch ya'll tomorrow.

That's Niiiice

Weigh In: 293 (new low!)

I'm pretty happy with the weigh-in, obviously. I was stuck around 300 for about 2 weeks, but it seems like something just clicked. 7 days ago, I was at 301. Today, 293. That's 8 pounds in one week. Something tells me that I'm not going to keep this pace, but I will DEFINITELY take it.

I almost feel that "too good to be true" reality about to slap me in the face. I'm trying NOT to go overboard with this, but the scale doesn't lie. One thing that I've noticed is, I've actually UPPED my calories. A few weeks ago, Kevin was talking about how he went to that specialized doc to find out about his calorie intake and a bunch of other health-related deals, and he discovered that he needed to be taking in MORE calories.

So, I sort of stole that idea. I was hovering around 1700 for the past few months, and doing a bunch of zig-zagging, up to around 2100. The last week, I've been around 2400-2600. This could quite possibly be that sweet spot that I need to find. Then again, it could be just a freak week, and then my body would require the low numbers again.

Either way, it's a learning experience.

And, a 8 pound drop in one week.

Who can complain about that?

Another Day

Yesterday's Weigh In: 296
Today's Weigh In: 295 (lowest yet!)
Total Weight Loss: 59 pounds - represented by that big ass bookcase. (I'm assuming the plush ladybug doesn't count?)

Another long day toady, but I feel pretty productive. Was in the gym at 6:00am, went to school, went to work, played 2 softball games, came home and rearranged the bedroom, and then watched my Pistons move on to the Eastern Conference Finals. A pretty good day overall.

Also, I was thinking today, I started this whole thing off at 354 pounds, and I'm at 295 as of this morning. I find it hard to even realize that I've dropped 59 pounds. That's crazy to me. Good crazy, but crazy. One thing I noticed during softball today, and I've noticed this with a lot of my old shirts that I wore prior to my weight loss - the top part of the shirt, around the shoulders and neck - the shirts are WAY too big now. It's almost awkward how they fit. I think that's pretty cool. Also, I'm starting to build my shoulders and neck up muscularly (is that a word?), and I'm starting to get bursts of muscle in my traps, so that's pretty cool too.

Speaking of muscles and softball, I have to start being more conscious about this quadricep muscle that was killing me on Mother's Day. I didn't stretch out before softball tonight, and I tweaked it again, and had to be overly gentle with it for the rest of the games. I don't feel like being on the shelf because of a stupid muscle tear, so I need to CONSTANTLY warm those muscles up. Getting old's a bite.

Not much else to say. I'm happy that the weight is starting to come off again, and I feel pretty motivated. As long as the leg feels strong, Gary and I are doing wind sprints, suicides and T-drills tomorrow morning - a POWER cardio day. Hopefully at least one of us survives long enough to tell the story.

Calling All FAT Members

I'm only posting this because I'm afraid that the time between posts is affecting your weight loss goals. We're a team, and I'm hoping this helps kickstart anyone who might not be feeling their strongest lately.

MIA Members:
Carl-Last Seen May 1 (16 days ago)
Dave-Last Seen May 10 (6 days ago)
Amy-Last Seen May 8 (8 days ago)
Kristen-Last Seen May 13 (3 days ago)
Shalynn-Last Seen May 12 (4 days ago)

Carl - I know you've been facing a ton of battles lately, and it's not easy. It's been a while, and you told us it would be a hard time for you to get back to this. How's it going for you? Everything ok?

Dave - Not a real concern, because you usually go a few days between posts - your resolve seems strong, but it's almost been a week, which is uncharacteristic for you. How's it going?

Amy - It's been 8 days - you have been doing GREAT, and you've posted on your other blog. I hope things are going strong for you, but even if you're not, I've found that posting the good news AND the bad news has helped me so many times. This is a strong support group - I hope you feel comfortable using us!

Kristen - It's only been 3 days, but you've always been an 'almost every day' blogger. Lately you seem like you've been struggling. As with Amy, even when you're NOT feeling your strongest, hopefully we can help. You've come SOOO far, and I've seen you have a lower drive the past week or so. C'mon back with a fire!

Shalynn - Again, only 4 days, but it was almost a week since the last one. I hope things are going strong. You've been doing so well, I'm just looking out for you - hopefully everything is good.

I don't post this because I want 'comments' or something to read. I know that when I was struggling through this in December, I went a much longer time between posts because I didn't want to admit my struggles. I saw others doing strong, and felt like if I didn't have something 'great' to post, I avoided it. I know that when I was cheating on my diet, and felt weak, I didn't want to 'admit' it to strangers.

Get those thoughts out there. Even if you're busy. The whole point of the FAT Coalition is to get your thoughts out there, and have the support system behind you. If you don't use it, you can't get the benefits from it.

I hope this doesn't come off in a bad light. I'm just hoping to reach out and make sure we're all in high gear - and if we're not, maybe we can help somehow.

So, hope everything is well. We're here when you need us.

Fun With Numbers

Weigh In: 296 (new low!)

First off, I'm glad to see that I'm catching a bit of distance between 300 and my new number. It doesn't mean it's out of the rear view mirror, but it does mean that I'm gaining ground. I'm feeling pretty good about that.

So, I was playing around with a few calculators on Calorie-count.com, and I figured I'd throw some mini-goals out there.

I checked out the whole BMI thing, and even though I know that it's not a greatly accurate number, it's based on the whole age/weight/height thing - completely measureable numbers. So, I plugged in my current numbers, my 'starting numbers', and came up with this.

Start Weight: 378
Start BMI: 46
Status: "Severely Overweight"

Blog Start Weight: 350
Start BMI: 42.6
Status: "Severely Overweight"

Current Weight: 296
Current BMI: 36
Status: "Severely Overweight"

I played with the BMI weight calculator a bit, and found out that when I reach 263 pounds, I go from "Severly Overweight" to "Moderately Overweight". This is a mark that I never thought that I would reach, and now that I realize where the point is, I see that I'm 33 pounds away.

So, there's the goal I want to hit. It's funny to me that my goal is to be "Moderately Overweight", but it's one step at a time, right?

Today is May 15th. I'm at 296, and I need to get to 263. That's 33 pounds - or 11 a month. So I figure, on June 15th I should be at 285, July 15th I'll be at 274, and on August 15th I'll be at 263. Then, I'll be 13 pounds from my 100 pound loss, and I can go from there. Theoretically, if I keep at the same pace that I've been keeping since I starting this journey, I will have lost 100 pounds by the end of September. That would be 10 months.

So, here we go again. Goals equal challenges. Challenges equal results. Results equal one sexy bitch. Back on track!

Back on Track

Weigh In: 298
Calories: 2361

Funny how things work.

First off, I'm NEVER seeing 300 again. Last time I got to where I am today, I ate like crap, stopped working out, got lazy, changed my habits, slowed down when it comes to counting calories, and coasted. Now, I'm doing everything the complete opposite. I'm more focused, I'm more driven, I'm sticking to what worked, I'm going to be strong with my calorie counting, and I'm not going to be lazy. I'm starting phase two - 50 up, 50 to go.

Also, an update on my leg. When I got to the gym this morning, I was pretty stiff. Hobbling a bit. The first thing I did was go stretching, took about 10 minutes dedicated to warming up the muscles. I then spent 30 minutes on the Eliptical, and then another 10 minutes stretching out the quads. Then, I went to work for 7 hours, and had a hot pad on my thigh for the entire time. Felt pretty loose.

Got a gym workout, work, and then a softball game. That'll be a true test.

So, I'm on track again. I know I can't micromanage my weight, and if I creep over 300 again tomorrow, I can't do change the body's fluxuation - but I CAN work hard, eat right, and do what I can do.

Control what you can control - and accept what you can't.

250, here I come.

Working for the Weekend

No Weigh In

LONG weekend, probably the most working out I've done in a long, long time - yet I never once saw the gym.

Saturday was a LONG one. I woke up around 6:30am - not really sure why I was up that early - and by around 7:30am, I decided to go for a run. I haven't done that in a while - since December, I believe. I went out and ran 2 miles. Now, the last time I ran, it was a matter of running a block or two, and then walking, and then alternating. For the first time since High School, I actually did a FULL MILE without stopping. I did it in right around 9:45, which is the first sub-10 I can ever remember.

The second mile was about 12 1/2 minutes, as I was walking, sucking wind, for a lot of it. Either way, that's 21 minutes. Last time I attempted it, it was like 28, 29 minutes for 2 miles. So, major improvements. I'll be doing a 5k in June, so I'm going to try to run some more prior, sort of a training.

But that's just where the day started. Being done around 9am-ish, I started working on the lawn. I mowed the front and back, trimmed some bushes, and then the big job. We've got this (approximate) 20 by 10 foot area in the backyard that used to be a kid's play structure with the prior homeowners - full of wood chips.

I shoveled them all out, I raked it all out, I hand-tilled (that little spike that you push into the ground and twist, covers about 6 inches each time) the ENTIRE THING (took over an hour), then I turned all the soil, then carried 12 fifty or sixty-pound bags of topsoil from the front of the house to the back, spread that all out, and then brought the fertilizer/seed combination back, and then spread that out. All in all, I started around 9am, and I finished around 6pm - no breaks. QUITE the workout.

Then Sunday wasn't so bad either. I didn't get huge amounts of workout in - I was still recouperating from Saturday. Mother's Day was a lot of fun - for my mother-in-law, we planted a tree, which was a bit of digging, but not much. Then, we went and spent the rest of the day with my mom, which was great too.

My cousin's in middle school, and while at my family's house, he challenged me to a race, as he is starting to run track. Now, keep in mind that I'm a 300 pound guy, and he's about 130 pounds and much younger. So, we go sprinting down this trail (I'm whooping him by the way, pretty impressed with myself), and bam - there goes the quadracep. Just popped... totally felt it go.

So, I hobble back, I've been stretching it out and heating/icing it down for a few hours.

I'm really hoping that it feels fine, because I'm going to the gym regardless tomorrow. The amount of activity will directly be related to what I can physically do - but I've got a feeling I've got a date for a LOT of stretching in the morning.

So, tomorrow will be the truth on the scale. Haven't weighed in since Friday's 2nd 301.. so I'm looking (HOPING) for a lower number. Until then!

Back In Swing

Weigh In: 301 again
Calories Consumed: 2,424 (?)

Ok, so I'm trying to count calories accurately, but we went to a dinner place that wasn't on any calorie-counter, I couldn't figure it out. So, I had Chicken Tetrazini at East Side Mario's, so I found one on Calorie-count.com, and it said only 5 ounces. I totally guesses and went overboard, so I'm assuming my 2,424 is pretty high, but I'd rather be higher than lower.

So, I can't tell you how frustrating it is to be over 300 again. Just a few days ago I said I would never see it again, and being up here is pretty depressing. I know it's only a few pounds, but as I told a few people today - if I was at 323 and my weight jumped 4 pounds to 327 - it wouldn't really bug me. It's not a matter of the four pounds, it's the symbolic meaning behind being under 300. I was there, I had it - and I got lazy, so I face the music.

It just means that the next time I get under, I don't let my foot off the gas pedal. I made that mistake. Coasting is for quitters, and I'm not going to ever do that again.

So today, I busted my tail in terms of exercise. When I was at the gym, it was a standard workout - 30 minutes on the Elliptical (ok, I think it was like 28?), and then Gary and I lifted a bit, and then did some abs. Probably about 45 minutes worth of workout.

Then, when I got home around 7:30am-ish, I went into the backyard, and decided to clear out this area of the backyard that I've wanted to do since we moved in. So I went and got those big brown compost bags, and filled up 7 freaking bags with wood chips, from a small shovel. I went raked and spread out the dirt in a 18x10 (ish) area, and then I turned about half the sod over and broke it down. I pulled a bunch of plastic liner out as well.

Long story made short, I was POURING in sweat for about 2 hours straight - not including the gym.

So, I'm doing what I need to do, and I'm eating what is making sense. I'm going to make this promise to everyone who reads this blog - once I get under 300 again, I'll NEVER see it again.

And I mean it this time.

Learning the Lesson - Yet Again

Ever since I hit the 299 mark at the beginning of May, I've been working towards 'trying less' and turning this into a true lifestyle. I wanted to see if I could continue to do all the right things, and make all the right choices, without going through all the steps - counting calories, etc.

I was wrong.

I have been cheating the past few days, and making short cuts. I stopped counting calories. I would grab a bite here, grab a bite there. Intentionally, I was seeing what would happen if I just relaxed - have I really reached the point where I was able to coast?

The answer was a big fat no.

Two days ago, I was 297. Yesterday, I was 299.

Today, 301.

That one hurt, and it hurt a ton. I've been thinking about it all day.

Even though it is a temporary visit to the 300s again, it made me realize that the effort that I've put in since November isn't ever going to go away. I don't think that I'll ever be able to NOT focus as hard as I have been and get the same results. Something inside me tells me to eat. Some things inside me tell me that I can just coast and get the results.

Something inside me is flat out lying to me.

I'm not going to hit my goals without fighting for them. It was stupid to assume that I could even try. So, I ate right tonight, and because I was so frustrated with myself, I unintentionally came in low. Really low. 1463 calories low.

I was sick as a dog today - I had a migrane headache that knocked me out for hours. I was feeling nauseated, and was physically ill four times in a two hour span. So, needless to say, both physically and mentally I was at a pretty low point.

The bottom line is, I've said this a hundred times since I've started, yet sometimes you need to say it over and over.

You don't get what you don't earn. I think I needed this slap of reality to remind myself.

I'm back to putting my calories in the blog every day. I need to be accountable.

So -
Calories Consumed: 1463
Weigh In: 301

Out Of Order

Yesterday's Weigh In: 297
Today's Weigh In: 299

I am so freaking sore today. I just got back from PowerFlex, and I'm destroyed. My hamstrings are maxed out, my back is throbbing, and my entire body feels like I just made fun of Mike Tyson's lisp in front of him.

I didn't post yesterday, was completely exhausted. It's strange how a change in your day's structure can completely mess with you. We've got a contractor in our house this week painting three of our main rooms, so our main family room is 'prepped' - which means that we don't have access to it. Usually at night, after a long day for both of us, we unwind with a little TV and a nice meal. Last night, there was no winddown time, we went out and about, and when we got home, instead of the relaxing part, we went straight to bed.

Not a major deal, but it's interesting to see that a small change in the day can turn everything around.

Either way, I've got work today, and then depending on the weather, I may be working outside in the yard, so I'm thinking these muscles need some recovery time. I'm really - I mean REALLY sore right now.

Batter Up

Weigh In: 298.0

I'm not sure if things are getting easier, if I'm just handling the whole process easier, or if I'm being lackadaisical about the whole thing, but it seems pretty easy right now. I went to the gym this morning, went to work, came home, went to softball, ate pretty well all day - everything went pretty much as planned.

It's a wierd feeling though today. I feel as if I'm not 'trying as hard as I could'. I'm not sure if I'm feeling that way because I COULD be doing more, or perhaps it might be that because I'm lacking the stress of "I have to lose this much by..." mentality. Either way, I'm feeling pretty cool and collected lately.

Dropped another 3 pounds this week. Now, I'm not doing 'average' this week, because I haven't weighed in enough to get a full blown average, so I'm just going with today's weigh in for the blog change. That may bite me in the butt next week, but I feel like I've been at 298.5 to 298 the last few times, so it's a good honest number.

NI felt quicker playing softball tonight, and I noticed that at the end of the game, I felt like I could have easily played another one. I used to get really tired and beat - but my endurance is kicking in.

OH, here's one cool thing. I wear the same softball jersey as I did last year. At the end of last year, the buttons would literally be popping open due to the stomach pushing out of the shirt. I tried it on tonight, and the shirt fits comfortably, if even a bit loose.

Score one for me.

Hell, we even WON tonight. All in all, a good night.

Oh - and Go Pistons. LOL @ Ben Wallace.

On Cruise Control

I didn't work out once in the past two days. It kind of bugs me, but I know that I was pretty physically active this weekend, so I suppose it's ok. Not a habit I want to get into - as you guys know, I spend about 6 days a week in the gym, many times 7. Not seeing the gym in 2 days just doesn't sit right. Plus, I don't weigh in when I'm not there, so I haven't seen the scale since it gave me the 298.5.

I feel like I really need to 'gear up', and get into the workout mindset. I didn't really miss it, I didn't make that extra effort to get in the gym. I could say, "I didn't have time to get into the gym this weekend", and while I was pretty busy, there was times where I just CHOSE not to go. I just don't want to let myself slip and slow down - I've been pushing so hard for so long, and seeing great results - just time to let the weekend go and get back to business.

I feel unorganized lately, but it's because my school schedule is restarting with a new semester tomorrow, my house is tore up because we've got a baseboard molding guy and a painter coming this week, and my work schedule is changing to accomodate my school schedule - so I think I'm just feeling backwards.

Either way, as I said before, you can't win the race if you don't just suit up and give it your best.

So, workout with Gary tomorrow. Powerflex class. And then, the first softball game of the season tomorrow night. I'm totally pumped about that. Hope everyone's weekends went well.

A Solid Team

For the past few days, I've been thinking a lot about how my weight loss program has affected other people, and how I've been hopefully helping with others in my life.

It seems like lately, I've been getting a lot of great comments - which is totally cool. I feel a bit awkward when I hear someone at work come up to me and tell me that I look great - and that I must have lost a lot of weight, but on the other hand, it feels pretty damn good. I even had this dude I talk to at school mention my weight loss a few weeks ago. A dude. Dude's don't notice ANYTHING, but he noticed the weight loss.

But the comments that make me feel the best are the ones that result in another person deciding to make that commitment to a healthy lifestyle. My boy Zogie got onto the health train a while ago, and he told me that seeing what I've been doing has motivated him. I've had a few people at work decide to start eating healthy, and have started working out. I've been told that I was a factor in this as well.

In fact, at work I've been noticing quite the change. We're able to openly talk about weight loss and healthy foods instead of just blindly going for the pizza. I mentioned that on my birthday at the end of March, instead of a cake, they got me this big fruit salad thing for everyone to share.

Now, my cousin Gary's going strong, my boy Jim is starting to get involved, a friend of my wife's, Danielle, has been asking me some healthy living questions, and I'm starting to be known in my circle of friends as the guy who is "DOING IT", and is knowledgeable enough to ask the question to.

That's the part that means the most to me.

Sort of a "Pay It Forward" thing, I guess. I saw Kevin and Beck's blogs back in November, and I was so motivated by their story that I decided to do that. Then, others started to find us. We went from a group of fat strangers to acquaintances, and from there to friends. A group of friends who trust each other enough to talk about our hardships, and a group of friends who are there to support you when you're doing great - but more importantly when you're ready to quit.

How can we all NOT succeed with this luxury?

Keep up the good work, everyone.

A New Low, and a Lesson Learned

Weigh In: 298.5 (boo-freakin-ya)

A few things to note today.

First and foremost, I came in SOLIDLY under 300 today. It was a good feeling. Not some overwhelming feeling, but a sense of accomplishment. I thought that once I saw the number (I don't count last week's 299 - it was 'under review' of the new scale), I thought I'd be THRILLED. The truth is, I felt like I put the proverbial checkmark on the "To-Do" list, and I'm moving on to the next one.

The thing is, I realized that I've been obsessing about 300. The fact is, I'm only halfway to my goal. Getting under 300 is good enough for a pat on the back, but it's not where I want to be. So, just like winning the first round of the playoffs, I take my applause, I shake the hands, and I prepare for the next round. Still plenty of game to play.

In other news, I re-learned something the hard way today.

Eat breakfast.

Do it.

Let me say it again.

Eat breakfast.

I skipped breakfast today before working out, and I've done that quite a bit lately. I wake up around 5:15ish, shake out the cobwebs, and make my way to the gym to do my step class, my powerflex class, or work out.

The problem is, you can go on that for a while, but if your body decides that it wants calories (better known as ENERGY), then it needs to be fed. About 1/2 an hour through my 60 minute Step class today, I hit the wall. And I hit it *HARD* I don't remember how I even got through it, but I did. I couldn't move - and it's strange, because I've been getting stronger as I've continued to go to the class.

So, point WELL taken, Mr. Body. Breakfast it is.

Oh, and one other thing. Do you crave ice cream sometimes? I read somewhere, I think on the calorie-count.com forums, that you can still have ice cream - and that it's just like anything else - it's all about moderation. So, how do you deal with eating that tiny little 1/2 cup serving of ice cream when that little serving gets swallowed up in that big bowl that you eat your ice cream out of?

Eat it straight out of the measuring cup. When I did this today, I looked at that tiny ass little 1/2 cup measuring cup, and thought that it was completely pointless to have just a 1/2 cup. Not only was it enough, it completely satisfied me - and all for 110 calories of Edy's Lowfat Double Churned Ice Cream. As my good friend Rachel would say.. "de-lish!"

So, another day in the books. Working out with Gary again tomorrow morning. But, first things first - breakfast!

The Road Ahead

Weigh In: 300.5

So close, yet not quite there.

One thing I've noticed is, now that I don't have a 'goal' to drive towards, I feel more content. I know that I'm going to have to start setting precise goals again soon, but for now, I am just going to take it one day at a time, one scale weigh in at a time, and one day of eating right at a time.

I was going through some old pictures of me tonight, and I can't believe how much of a difference I've seen in terms of my body since November. I keep looking at the size of my head, and I honestly feel like a different person. The thing is though, as I've said before, I'm great at losing 40-ish pounds. I've done it a few times.

The roadblock I've had in the past was getting content. Being happy with the results, and therefore slacking off or relaxing, since the 'drive' wasn't there. This time, I feel like not ONLY am I not slacking off or being content, I feel like this is the point where the rubber hits the road. As a few others have said recently, I'm getting into uncharted territory.

I don't remember ever being under 300 pounds. I've said this recently - I mean, I'm sure in high school I was under 300, and of COURSE I have been there, but I can't ever remember actively being concerned about my weight and seeing anything but a 3 as the first number.

At the beginning of this, I would have never thought I would be able to go topless, let alone in sleeveless shirts. I've been this guy for quite a few years now that was always 'fake proud' of being the big guy. I shielded myself and my insecurities by acting as if I didn't care what I looked like, and I used my sheer size to be the 'big guy' - a badge of honor almost. When I looked into mirrors, I pretended that I didn't see what I really saw.

Today, while in the Powerflex class, I was watching myself in the mirror. I am starting to see someone different looking back at me. Now granted, I'm not in great shape yet. I still have a hell of a gut to lose, and I'm nowhere near feeling comfortable enough to take my shirt off in public. I'm just not there yet.

But I see potential. Where I used to see this obscenely huge guy who just let his body go to crap, I now see a guy who is getting stronger every day. Someone who may not be where he wants to be yet, but someone who knows where that place actually is, and can see it in the not-so-distant future.

Hell, I've lost almost 50 pounds in 5 months. Mathematically, that means I can drop 100 in 10 months. I can't wrap my mind around that reality - but I'm going to do it. And then, I'll keep going.

I may not have hit all of my goals quite yet, but I've got a spotlight on the finish line. I may not be near it, but at least I know it's there.

Here's for seeing a 2 in front again soon.

May Day

Weigh In: 301

Not really much to say today, especially following yesterday's post. Basically, I went to the gym, then went to work, ate well, and then came home and did my thing. It was a pretty stressful day, but I survived.

Also.. because I'm a bad son, I completely forgot to wish my mom and dad a "Happy Anniversary" today, as May 1, 1976 was their wedding day. So, Mom and Dad.. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

Short one tonight - I'll probably write more in the morning.