I've been trying to put a post together for the last few days and have been at a loss for words. Not exactly something you'll hear me say often.
I've been thinking about the "WHY" and the "HOW" in this whole thing. I see a wide line being drawn in the sand in the Coalition lately, and I feel like I'm fighting to get to the other side. You've got the guys like Billy and Brian (and others) who just never seem to take a day off. Every day it's something new - and something so damned impressive that there's no surprise that they are seeing amazing results.
Then there's others who have been in a funk lately and I haven't seen a positive post from in a while. Some disappear, some just don't post, and some are just really having a hard time with it all right now. My heart goes out to that group, and you know who I'm talking about.
But then there's a third group. The half-assers. The ones like Melissa, Kevin and I. I use us three because I know you won't get offended when I say this. This group - and this seems to be the majority of the Coalition - is fantastic for a few days. And then we drop off. And then we put it all on the line again and do great for a week. And then it fade. It's like we capture lightning in a bottle - but then it fades, and we spend time searching for it again.
I've been trying to figure out this dynamic. What defines us - and how do we learn from our mistakes? I know the 'basic' answer - "just do it". There's a lot of things that someone can say - and we've heard them all. Be accountable. Be honest with yourself. Put yourself first. Make yourself a priority. There's a hundred more where that came from.
But there has to be something that separates the full-assers from the half-assers.
Is it personality types? Is it as simple as saying that the full-assers want it more? Are they just more dedicated to this than I am?
I don't know. Maybe. But when I'm on fire, nothing stops me. I can look at myself in the mirror and know that when I am ON TRACK, no one can stop me. There's not a challenge I won't win. There's not a poor food choice I won't overcome.
And perhaps that's what confuses me the most.
I know I'm not alone when I say this - you're doing so well, you're so proud of yourself, and then for some reason, you just eat like shit. You skip a workout. You break the diet you've been acing all week.
Why? What causes the disconnect between desire and success?
I don't have the answer to this one, and it's been avoiding me for a long time. I'm tired of being in the 270s yet I'm not doing everything PERFECTLY. That doesn't make sense to me. As Jim says, "if you're going to eat poorly, why even work out?" I work out 6-7 days a week at 6am. That's not an easy task. I get up, I'm motivated, I get my ass up and out and head to the gym, and then I MAKE IT HAPPEN.
But then I short change myself.
Perhaps there's an easy answer. Perhaps it's something much more deep. There's got to be a connection here somewhere, and I've yet to find it. Do I just love food more than I love myself? Do I doubt myself and use food as an excuse? Do I think that I don't DESERVE to look the way I want to look?
I ask these questions daily. I hesitated writing a blog about it because I don't have the answers. I don't want this to come off as a 'whining' blog, because God knows I've had enough of those in the past.
What is that secret ingredient? And to those of you who are enjoying the results of your hard work - what makes it click for you? Is it a simple answer to you, or is it something deeper?
11 comments:
For me it's simply routine. I eat the same breakfast every day, I pack 2 300-400 calorie lunches, then I come home and eat dinner that I cook (chicken, salmon, veggies). If I get hungry at work I snack on almonds that I keep in my desk. I do the same thing pretty much every day. I go out to dinner on Friday nights, but that's it. During the weekend it's harder, and I usually eat fewer, larger meals, but it's still within boundaries. I just don't keep crap food around, that's my secret :)
Dunno if that helps but it seems to work for me.
I think the problem is that deep down, you're fighting against yourself, you're in conflict.
I think maybe you never fully embraced the healthy lifestyle. Somewhere in you lies the cold, hard, truth: you don't really want to eat healthy and exercise for the rest of your life.
It's something you can make yourself do for a while, but you can't keep it up. You had a big initial thrust which helped you lose about 100 lbs, but you're just finding it unsustainable.
I think the key is really having that mental shift. A true rejection of the Standard American Diet and a realization that you need to make real, permanent changes and embrace them. Fully embrace them. Allow yourself to feel good about them. Let go of the feeling that you're denying yourself.
This is why I don't like to see you eating lean pockets, and drinking diet soda. These are the crutches leaned on by people who don't want to make the real change. They want to have their cake and eat it too, so to speak.
Look, I'm not perfect, in fact, it's funny, you caught me a day after I had a horrible diet day. Let's just say it involved cheesesteaks (yes, plural), beer, fries, and vietnamese food. It wasn't pretty. But the thing is, for me, that's a very rare thing. 95% of the time I'm spot on, and this is the first time I've "cheated" in months. And today? I'm making up for it. I'm always moving forward, and I never let myself get set back by more than a day.
So I think it basically comes down to this: are you willing to set aside comfort food? Are you willing to embrace vegetables and whole foods as your main diet? Are you willing to restrict your intake consistently to achieve your goal?
For me, I get disgusted when I look around me and see the people in this society who are fat, and can't get their shit together and lose the weight. Maybe it's wrong, or intolerant of me, but it's a big part of what fuels me. I refuse to allow myself to be them.
This is a very long comment, and I'm not sure it's doing a whole lot to answer your questions, but I hope it helps some...
I second Billy's comment.
Email me.
carrie_dr AT hotmail DOT com
I think Billy and Geoff both are right on. I think there is a lot of hard work that goes into losing weight that people don't think of. I'm not talking about exercising. But more about preparation, decision making and planning.
I try the best I can to keep compliant foods in my kitchen at all times. If I need to chop up an onion for a meal, I go ahead while I got the knife and cutting board out and cut up a bunch of veggies and then put them in ziplock bags. I also put them on the top shelf in our fridge so that every time I open it, I see the veggies first.
Every weeknight I prepare my lunch for the next day and make my protein shakes. It gets boring having to do this every night...but it keeps me from making an irrational quick decision the next day and loading up on something from McDonalds because I don't have time.
And if I know that I'm going to go out to eat, I usually plan my day around it and eat lighter to make up for a larger dinner.
It may just be a bunch of little things, but if you consistently do them, they will add up and be huge in the long run, IMO.
With all that being said, I'm still 100 pounds from my goal weight. But I know that I'm going to reach it, however long it takes.
Let's try to keep one thing in mind when giving Rob advice:
He's been in this game a lot longer than many of us, and has lost a lot more weight than most, if not all of us.
This is not a matter of tactics. Rob knows WHAT to do. He's done it.
The issue is one of motivation, sustainability, underlying, fundamental attitudes. Emotional, psychological patterns. These things are much harder to get to the root of than simple tactical things...
Billy I understand Rob has been in the game for a while and he has done a tremendous job. I bring up the tactics because these are things that have worked for me.
I agree that the emotional and psychological factors in weight loss are the hardest to get to the root of. But if you accept and acknowledge that you do have "issues" then sometimes the tactics may help until you can get to the root of the deeper problems.
It is somewhat like a recovering alcoholic finding ways to be able to go out with friends and have a good time without having a drink.
[i]It is somewhat like a recovering alcoholic finding ways to be able to go out with friends and have a good time without having a drink.[/i]
This is the key for me. I honestly think that there's an addiction inside of me that keeps me from this.
I've read everything you guys have said like 6 times each. Thanks for the comments. There's a lot, lot, LOT to what you guys said which is 100% true, and for me, it's purely mental.
There's a ton of this that I want to go over and review, and probably that'll be what the next blog is about. I've got somewhere to be in 40 minutes so I don't have the time now, but I'll be taking you all up on this here soon.
FWIW, I came in at 276.2 today after completely disgusting myself the last few days. I don't even want to blog about it because it's been talked about 100 times before.
FWIWx2, I haven't had a bite to eat all day, and it's 12:30, and I've been to the gym. I just think about eating and get disgusted with myself.
It's not as bad I think as I'm making it sound in this comment - I just need to find that CORE VALUE and stick to it. I think Billy's onto something when he said that I haven't convinced myself that I *WANT* to give up comfort foods.
I'm just not sure how to change that mentality. I can fake it, hide it, overcome it for a while, but making that change permanent is something I haven't discovered the answer to yet.
MUCH more later.. thanks for the replies.
As I was reading your post, I was thinking of what I was going to post as a comment. Then I read Billy's comment and he said exactly what I would have said.
I've dieted and dieted for 20years. Every other time, I "deprived" myself and starved and exercised, while subconciously telling myself that when I got to my goal weight, I could go back to eating like I did before. I was great at losing weight, and horrible at maintaining weight.
This time, I'm really looking forward to the challenge of maintaining, of figuring out how many calories I need to eat to sustain a weight. And I realize that I won't change the food I eat much, I'll just be able to eat a little more of it.
Billy's right, you have to be able to look at processed foods and say that you won't eat them, and if you do, it will be rare.
In your case, you still have some of those processed foods in your "diet", as staples.
Hi Rob,
Since you realize that your problem is mental, I really believe you should consider seeing someone who specilizes in food addictions. They can work with you to figure out the root of all of this and help you to break the cycle.
If you think seeing a therapist is a bad thing, dont think that way. We all have issues and there are people who specialize and can help.
We can, all day and night give our ideas and input but your problem supercedes our expertises. I hope you really consider this and do something about it.
If youre not sure what type of therapist to seek out feel free to contact me. I used to work with clients with eating disorders.
Continuing to seek advice from people ill-equipped to help will only further frustrate your efforts. The final result could end in you giving up. I dont want to see that happen.
Your food addiction is well beyond the scope of the coalition - no offense to anyone - just the stating facts. If you want real change think about this.
Therapist isn't a bad idea. I definitely think there's an addiction aspect to this whole thing.
I don't know if it's an addiction or not, Tuck, but seeing a counselor could at least answer that for you, and maybe give you some tips for dealing with one if it is. The key here, Tuck, is that you have to do it though. "Do something" is not just a saying, it's a lifestyle. We all have bad days, but the key is to stop them from strining together. The key is to realize that you're doing the wrong thing, and to go in the other direction.
I can sit here and lecture you about endless amounts of useless bullshit but the bottom line is that you need to find out why you can't just suck it up and do the right thing and defeat that reason.
You know me, Tuck. I'm a history major and a military buff. I see everyday as a war between the new me against the old me. I'll be honest too. Sometimes the old me takes the upper hand and starts to gain ground, but I just put him back in check. I rally around myself and push back.
Right now, Tuck, you're stuck in World War I. You've dug yourself a trench to keep the old you from attacking, but you can't find a way to press forward. It's time to invent a tank, Tuck, so that you can push that asshole back and start moving forward. Just make sure that you seek an equitable peace with yourself so that you don't have to refight this war later.
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