The First 100

Weigh In: 323 (lowest yet!)
Calorie Count: 1888
Calories Burned: 4924
Five Day Average: 324.5

It's been 100 days today that I've been on this campaign to see my toes.

At the very beginning of this mission, my goal was to lose weight and be healthy, but as I read the original blog again, I realize how much I was scared and doubtful about actually succeeding. Before this, I have failed so many times that I figured that this would be the same loop - a few months strong, lose some weight, and then get comfortable and quit.. and gain it all back.

It's how I rolled.

But this feels different. My mentality changes, and now I have more motivation that I ever have. This journal that I've been keeping, the comments that I've been receiving, both here and online.. they're starting to click. I feel stronger both mentally and physically, and I know that if the first 100 days can create this much of a difference in my life, the second 100 is going to be even better.

One thing I've noticed is, in the past, I've always worked HARD to get to my goal before I failed. But now, it's not just a matter of working hard. I'm working SMARTER now. Even though I've just picked up calorie counting, I've started to really build a support staff. From the FAT Coalition to Calorie-Count.com, to my wife, my friends, my family and my co-workers, I feel something that I've never felt before.

I'm not embarassed to talk about my weight.

I think that's SO key to this whole thing. I've accepted that I've made bad decisions, but what's changed is, I'm allowing myself to fix these things one step at a time. 100 days ago, I really felt worthless. As the original post said, I wanted to be the one taking the family pictures - that way, I didn't have to see myself on camera.

Another thing I remember is a few years ago when I was out on the lake in the summer. For some reason, that day I felt like it was OK to take my shirt off and get into a canoe. One of my wife's relatives happened to be taping everyone that day, and when I caught a look at myself, topless in that canoe.. I can remember, even as I type this, how I felt seeing myself - hunched over, uncontrollably obese. Even as I sit here right now, I feel the same sadness that I felt back then seeping into myself. I don't ever want to become that guy again, and I think that this time, I've actually found the right formula to succeed in my goals.

Work hard. Eat right. Be calculated. Be thankful for the support group that I have that has been so valuable to me.

I weighed in at 323 today. Fittingly, the lowest I've weighed. That's 27 pounds in 100 days. That's 56 pounds since November of 2005 when I first went to the doctor to seek help.

I've come a long way. But I still don't see the man in the mirror that I want to see.

But I'm 100 days closer than I was when I started, and I'm ok with that.

Here's to the next 100 days.