Weigh In: 300.5 So close, yet not quite there.
One thing I've noticed is, now that I don't have a 'goal' to drive towards, I feel more content. I know that I'm going to have to start setting precise goals again soon, but for now, I am just going to take it one day at a time, one scale weigh in at a time, and one day of eating right at a time.
I was going through some old pictures of me tonight, and I can't believe how much of a difference I've seen in terms of my body since November. I keep looking at the size of my head, and I honestly feel like a different person. The thing is though, as I've said before, I'm great at losing 40-ish pounds. I've done it a few times.
The roadblock I've had in the past was getting content. Being happy with the results, and therefore slacking off or relaxing, since the 'drive' wasn't there. This time, I feel like not ONLY am I not slacking off or being content, I feel like this is the point where the rubber hits the road. As a few others have said recently, I'm getting into uncharted territory.
I don't remember ever being under 300 pounds. I've said this recently - I mean, I'm sure in high school I was under 300, and of COURSE I have been there, but I can't ever remember actively being concerned about my weight and seeing anything but a 3 as the first number.
At the beginning of this, I would have never thought I would be able to go topless, let alone in sleeveless shirts. I've been this guy for quite a few years now that was always 'fake proud' of being the big guy. I shielded myself and my insecurities by acting as if I didn't care what I looked like, and I used my sheer size to be the 'big guy' - a badge of honor almost. When I looked into mirrors, I pretended that I didn't see what I really saw.
Today, while in the Powerflex class, I was watching myself in the mirror. I am starting to see someone different looking back at me. Now granted, I'm not in great shape yet. I still have a hell of a gut to lose, and I'm nowhere near feeling comfortable enough to take my shirt off in public. I'm just not there yet.
But I see potential. Where I used to see this obscenely huge guy who just let his body go to crap, I now see a guy who is getting stronger every day. Someone who may not be where he wants to be yet, but someone who knows where that place actually is, and can see it in the not-so-distant future.
Hell, I've lost almost 50 pounds in 5 months. Mathematically, that means I can drop 100 in 10 months. I can't wrap my mind around that reality - but I'm going to do it. And then, I'll keep going.
I may not have hit all of my goals quite yet, but I've got a spotlight on the finish line. I may not be near it, but at least I know it's there.
Here's for seeing a 2 in front again soon.
3 comments:
Sounds like your going to be at your goal weight by September. A very realistic goal.
Just keep doing what you're doing, and the number is going to drop whether you look at the scale or not.
You might try weighing less often for awhile. You don't have to scrutinize your efforts as much as you did in the beginning. The results and forward momentum are obvious. Its working.
Rob, you are doing so well. Do you think the difference this time might be the blogging or the support group that you have here? Just wondering because I feel so different about my aspirations now that I've *met* all of you. I was serious about being thin before, but my focus is entirely different now - like you said about the rubber hitting the road.
Another thing I found interesting...you're not the first guy here to mention the "big guy" complex...the badge of honor thing. I have several cousins that I think are just like you guys. I never really understood it or even realized it until now. It's very bizarre to me (as a girl). I have female friends that are proud to be insanely tall, but none of them wanna be big. It's just interesting...
I think you're doing great and you inspire me, so stick with it. I know you don't need me to tell you that. You look much better in your newer pic. I can't wait to see what you look like less another 50 lbs.
You're so right about becoming content. The last time I lost weight (and gained it all back), it was about this much, like you said. I think the hardest part is staying motivated, even when you feel good where you are. It'll be even harder when we hit our goal weights.
There must never come a time when we can allow ourselves to forget that we have weight issues, and that we need to monitor and control ourselves, no matter what our weight is.
And I TOTALLY know what you mean about "Big Guy Complex".
It's weird, but it's almost like you lose your identity doing this. You aren't the Big Guy you're used to being, and yet you aren't quite the Thin Guy you aspire to be yet. So, you end up floating out there in "Identity flux". I'll bet that's why a lot of people gain back the weight, because they want their identity back... maybe I'll blog about this today.
Anyway, nice work all around.
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