High School Quarterback

"You look great, you've lost so much weight!"

"Every time I see you, you seem even skinnier!"

"I can't believe you've lost all that weight!"

"How much have you lost - that's amazing!"

"Hey there, slim!"

I've heard it all lately - and that's not exactly something you can complain about.

But this is where my problem lies:

Last Day of November (today): 278
Last Day of October: 275.5
Last Day of September: 276.75
Last Day of August: 278.5
Last Day of July: 282.5

What does this tell me? It tells me that I'm doing a hell of a job at maintaining, and that I'm getting pretty good at it. It also tells me that I've been putting hard work in for 5 months and completely wasting my time. It tells me that every time someone tells me how "good I look" and "how far I've come", I'm resting on my laurels.

I'm the Al Bundy of weight loss.

For those of you who watched "Married With Children", Al Bundy was great at telling stories about how good of a football player he was in high school. He'd tell you about the great plays, the fantastic games, and all the success that he had.

Yet - since high school, he'd done nothing.

Since June, my weight loss goals have done nothing.

I'm down 100 pounds exactly today. From 378 to 278. Remember back 4-5 months ago when I was celebrating that same milestone?

I haven't gained it back, but I haven't lost. I'm still there, doing the doggy paddle, floating out in the middle of the lake, when I should be paddling as hard as I can.

I'm tired of average. I'm tired of watching my opportunities pass me by.

I'm tired of being Al Bundy. It changed in December. I'll get into the HOW in the next blog.

But hey, you've got to give me this - there's one thing we have in common - Al and I both married redheads with great legs. I guess being Al Bundy ain't so bad after all. ;)

Another Day

Weigh In: 274.5

Hey, not much to report except for the weight came down again a few pounds. Pretty excited about that, but I'm well aware that nothing is guaranteed, and that jumping a few pounds each day will eventually catch up to you.

So I'm taking it and being happy about it, but I'm continuing to work hard, and not expecting that to continue. One day at a time, right?

Also, if you haven't signed up at the blog forum, go for it. It's over here:

http://fatcoalition.makeforum.org

Other than that, not much to report. Been wanting to try some new workout type of things, but right now, I'm still wanting to just make it a habit to be there again. Tomorrow's another day.

Third Blog of the Day (Important)

http://fatcoalition.makeforum.org/

This is the new forum for the FAT Coalition. I'll host the challenges there, and this is a good place for us to chat amongst each other. I find that the blogs can be limiting to long term conversations.

So, if you're a FAT member, join the forum. If you're not a FAT member but you read this blog, join the forum. If you just want to lose weight, gain muscle or just talk to us in a forum setting - you've got it - join the forum.

I'll be pushing it a bit here for a while, so if you know anyone who would want to just chat and make it active, give 'em the address.

Hope to see you there!

An Inspiring Story

On one of my sports forums, we have a random "Support Group" thread for people who are losing weight. Scott - one of the guys on the board - posted the following. This was just really cool to read, and I thought you guys would appreciate that. Enjoy.

===========

Originally Posted by ScottYoshonis

Here's something that I hope will help some of you who need some motivation to get started. It's my story, and I share it with you in the hope that I can put back into this thread what I have taken out of it.

A year ago last August, I weighed 315 pounds, and felt like crap all the time. My back was constantly going out, and I had a hard time standing up for any length of time without pain. My doctor found me some prescription appetite suppressants, and after losing about 40 pounds on them alone, I took to working out.

When I started, I did 30 minutes of aerobic exercise per session, and that was about all I could manage. 45 minutes on the elliptical would kill me, even on the easiest setting. Soon, however, I was able to do that 45 minutes and not be completely exhausted for the rest of the day.

I started weight training, with the routine that Joe King first posted in this thread a few pages back, and found that I was ridiculously weak. I lifted the weight that I thought that I should lift, not what I should have been lifting (which was, frankly, embarrassing), and hurt in places that I didn't even know I had. So, I stepped back, took it a bit easier, just to get through the sets. It didn't take long before it got a lot more comfortable, and the weight I was lifting increased. My routine for the next few months was, lifting three days a week, and an hour on the elliptical the other two.

By the end of last summer, I made it all the way down to 240, but then hit about a three-month plateau, and the hour of cardio twice a week and the lifting the other three days all of a sudden stopped working. Beginning in August, when high-school football teams started practicing, I decided to take a page from their book, and start two-a-days, lifting in the morning, and doing cardio in the afternoon, five days a week. That got things going again, and I was losing weight again, and it kept going after I went back to the previous routine, although a lot more slowly than previously.

Lately, I've been doing more weight training, propelled mostly by vanity. There is a noticeable difference in my arms and chest, mostly the realization that there is muscle there, and the tangible results of working out have served to make me want to do more. I've even subscribed to Men's Health magazine, which I would recommend to anyone, and have had fun trying some of their workouts.

I haven't gone with any special diet, just tried to eat more healthy foods in smaller portions. I've tried to keep right around 2000 calories per day, and have been successful doing that, mostly just through portion control and watching my intake of fat. I have healthy snacks (low-fat granola bars, beef jerky, cereal bars, whole-grain crackers, that kind of thing) in my desk here at work, and just nosh on them when I'm hungry, usually eating just one genuine meal per day. As I have since I started, I take Sundays "off," and eat what I want. That way, I never look a slice of cheesecake or pizza or lasagna and say, "I haven't had that in months! Screw this diet nonsense!"

The result of all this is that at 46 I feel better than I ever have, even when I was in high school. About a week before Thanksgiving, I weighed in at 219, 96 pounds lighter than when I started about 15 months ago.

My grandmother passed away at that time, however, and between that and Thanksgiving, I've not been to the gym nearly as often, have eaten a lot more high-fat foods and have gained a few pounds back. What's more, I noticed that I was getting depressed more often and more easily. Part of that was the grieving process, sure, but I'm also convinced that my body missed the endorphins released when I exercise.

Furthermore, a large part of the reason why I haven't been around here lately is that I have much less of a desire for confrontation. I'm a lot calmer and better able to emotionally cope with adversity without resorting to anger, and I think that the change in my diet and lifestyle is the main reason for it.

I really wish I could tell those of you who are on the fence about getting fit how different I feel, and really am, since I started. I was never a fitness fanatic, and I don't consider myself one now. I was just an average, sedentary guy who simply got up and did it, and I guarantee that nobody who's reading this right now is in any worse shape than I was when I started. In fact, I thought that it was too late for me to ever be fit again, and that I'd just have to get used to being a fat guy for the rest of my life.

I was wrong. I'm having a blast doing it, too.

You will feel a lot better a lot sooner than you think, if you do it regularly. And, once you get going, it isn't hard to keep taking the next step, or even to know when to take it. Just get a good plan and follow it. Know what you're going to do before you do it, and you'll be more likely to accomplish what you want.

And, you will feel great.

Not Much To Report

Weigh In: 277.25

At least it's going back in the right direction. Hard to be happy about anything with a 7 in it, but it beats the pants off the 281 that I saw yesterday. Just have to keep doing what I did yesterday - good workout, good eating, small portions. Had eggs for breakfast this morning, and will have a salad with tuna for lunch and a smart dinner.

One thing of note, I suppose. My mom has been trying to get me to figure out what I want for Christmas (I'm such a pain with this - I'm always saying "I don't know"), so I went onto the New Balance website and picked out a pair of running shoes, and then I was interested in a pair of running pants and anything that helps with running.

Last year, it was all about the video games and movies and those types of things. This year it's about running and exercise.

What a difference a year makes.

Habits Are Hard To Make (Or is the Break?)

Sorry for not being around the past few days, the holidays seemed to take over and it seemed like I didn't go 10 minutes without being at a holiday party, get together or meal. That being said, it's sad that I have to report my weigh in today at 281.5, the same as it was yesterday.

But before I go into this whole thing about seeing the 280s again and how frustrating it is, I think I want to mention something else.

I'm a damn lucky guy.

I am blessed with a great family and great friends, and with Thanksgiving weekend come and gone, it's a good time to reflect on that. I think my wife and I are in a great minority of people who are lucky to have our mothers and fathers still married with intact families, and large families on both sides that spend all the holidays together enjoying each other's company. I'm a lucky, lucky guy for that. I'll never feel bad about it.

That being said, this is where I have to be stronger. With each of these families comes large family gatherings. It seems like the past few months I've had more meals out than most people have in a year. Going out to eat, family parties, going out with friends - again, I'm blessed. I even make good decisions - I skip the breads, I choose the salad over the cheeses, I even skipped all the desserts (yes, the cheesecake and the pumpkin pie) on Thanksgiving night.

But my problem has been serving sizes lately. Grazing. Having more than I should have, just because it's there. Hell, everything has been unorganized lately - my meals, my schedule, my life. But again, as I mentioned, I'll never complain about that.

I need more structure though. I need to plan out the meals ahead of time - make the good choices, and really focus on how much, not just 'what types of', food that goes into my system, and I have to follow it up with a PERFECT workout plan. I need to get back into old 'habits' that I've had in the past, and just do it.

So I started that today. Gary and I are going to start working out together, but he couldn't make it this morning. Didn't matter - in the past few months I would wake up with Erin, dick around, go to work and/or school and then hit the gym when I had time. I've been going pretty much daily, but it would alternate - some days I'd go to the gym in the morning, some days I'd go at night, some days I'd skip.

Today, I set the alarm early and was in the gym at 6am. By 7:30 I was headed towards class and work, and as of right now at noon, I've been 100%. Good cardio workout this morning, had a small bowl of oatmeal for breakfast, and am having a salad w/ tuna on top (small serving) for lunch. I have a Kashi meal-replacement bar waiting for me when hunger strikes around 3:00. I'll go home, get some stuff done, make dinner for Erin, and we're having chicken breasts and salads (I'll be making her a side of potatoes but I won't touch it).

That'll be my day. And then I'll wake up tomorrow, and get right back at it.

The 281.5 flat out sucks - but what am I going to do, bitch about it? I earned it, I'll accept it, and I'll change it. And then I'll do it again tomorrow.

My goal is to get out of the 270's by New Year's Eve. That means I have to make better choices more often. That means more days like today, and more structure. Here we go again.

Turkey Trot Part Duex

Today was awesome.

I woke up at 5am and I just popped out of bed. I was geeked to run this race, geeked to meet up with Jim, Kristen and Melissa to do this 5k this morning. This one meant a lot to me because this was exactly one year from the day I decided to rescue myself from a road of destruction. This was a day where I could do a very direct comparison from "the beginning to current". Today was the 25th Annual Turkey Trot (5K race) in Detroit, MI.

On my right side bar under "accomplishments", you'll notice that I have kept track of all my times for my races. This time last year, my time was 46 minutes, 48 seconds. Pretty damned slow - but my accomplishment there wasn't about the time, it was about finishing a 5k on the first day of my journey. Today, a year later, my time was 31 minutes, 29 seconds. For the non-math majors out there, that means that in one year, I've shaved 15 minutes and 19 seconds off of my 5k time. That's over 5 minutes shaved off of my ONE MILE time. I'm super proud of that. Also, being only 1 minute and 29 seconds over 30 minutes - I'm sure you can guess what my next 5k goal is, right? Getting under 30 would be a great, great thing for me.

Last year, I blogged the day of the race and posted this chart that I found. It's a 'guide' for beginning runners - it tells you a few things, but most importantly, it tells you what is considered "fast", "moderate" and "easy".


According to this - and to be fair, I don't know if this is a good guide or what, but my time of 31:29 puts me squarely in the "fast" category. Frankly, that's pretty damn cool to me. As I look through the list of people that raced this year, I held my own. Last year, I was 2nd to last in my age category - but I was middle of the pack for the entire race this time. That's a major accomplishment. I am a legit runner - and I may not be the fastest, but I qualify for average now. And at 275 - I'm probably still the heaviest guy out there. This time next year when I'm talking about my third Turkey Trot, I'll be at my goal weight and cranking it out.

Also - it was great to meet Melissa and Kristen. When you meet someone for the first time, you usually don't have any clue on what to say, or you worry about it being awkward. Because of these blogs, when Kristen came up to us it was like we had been friends for almost a year. Hell, we HAVE been - we just haven't done the face to face thing. Melissa was the same way - they're both cool as hell. The funny thing is, they're exactly like how they seem in their blogs - passionate about their weight loss, dedicated to it, funny as hell, and both random as hell. Go from one thought one second to a completely other thought the next. Cracked me up. VERY cool folks, and we're damn lucky to have them in the Coalition.

That being said, here's a few pictures. I'm sure Melissa will shoot some too, but I'm stealing the thunder and putting them up. Enjoy!

This one's Jim and I. See that sweatshirt I'm wearing? That's a 1x. This time last year I was in a 4x. That's pretty damn cool to me.


Kristen on the left, Melissa on the right. They both ROCKED IT OUT, both coming in under 31 minutes. Neither one had ever done this before, and they just made it look easy. SO proud of both of them. Oh, and note Kristen's hair - she did it all up before the race. This was after the race. That was time she'll never get back ;) Seriously though, these two chicks are cool as hell, and inspired the hell out of me. Kristen and I paced each other for about 2 mile or so, but after that I ate her dust. Great work, girls!

The fantastic Turkey Trottin' Four. All four of us really made big strides. Jim improved his time by I think 4-8 minutes - Kristen and Melissa both had their maiden 5k voyages and came literally seconds from getting under 30 minutes each. I cut 5+ minutes off my last time in May and over 15 minutes in 1 year's time.

I'm damn proud of the FAT Coalition this week. When the four of us were talking today, I felt like this was more than just a few kids talking about weight loss. This is a team - a family, that is going to support each other until we're all where we want to be, and we'll be doing this for a long time. I can't tell you guys enough how proud I am of Jim, Kristen and Melissa.

For the rest of you out there, we're all together in this. We may not be next door neighbors, but we're all one unit. Let's take this power and strength into 2008. Take a good look at yourself now, and in the past - and then decide right now, at this moment, where you want to be on Thanksgiving 2008.

Will you be thankful?

Today, I realize how blessed I am in so many aspects of my life.

What A Difference A Year Makes

With tomorrow being one year for me in this process, I've been thinking a lot about WHY I decided to take this so seriously this time. I know I'm a like a lot of you - we've yo-yo dieted for years, go hard for a few weeks or months, and then gain it all back, and then have to do the entire thing all over again.

So why is it different this time? Why have I lost it and kept it off? What keeps me going, and what are my goals?

I want to be healthy. And I don't mean "not going to die early because of a heart attack" healthy. I mean the type of healthy that allows me to live my life on MY terms. The type of healthy that lets me climb every mountain that is in front of me - whether it's in my career, my fitness goals, my marriage, or literally climbing a mountain. I want my body to be the temple that I hear about - and not the dumping station that I've let it become.

I want to be sharp. I want to be able to look into a mirror without wondering what I've done to myself. I've been looking at pictures, even current ones, and where my friends and family see someone who has "lost over 100 pounds", I see someone who has so much more to lose. I see a midsection that I'm still ashamed of, and a body that needs so much work still. But the good news is, a year ago today I looked myself in the mirror and thought that I had dug myself a hole so deep that there wasn't an exit.

When you're pushing 400 pounds, you don't think about running 5k's nonstop, you don't think about buying clothes at a shop that doesn't start with "Big and Tall" - you accept that you're never going to do certain things with your life because you've already permanently screwed it up. And the worst trap of them all is the acceptance of this because you feel like you've done it to yourself, and that you DESERVED what you got. You give up hope. I'm not that guy anymore - and even though I'm not where I want to be.. YET, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm optimistic instead of giving up. That's a big step for me.

I want to be proud. My life revolves around my family, and when it's my time and I die, I want them to be able to say that I was somebody to them. I want to be known as someone who achieved full potential in every aspect of my life. When I look in the mirror, even today, I see someone who hasn't fulfilled the goals that he's set for himself - YET. I should have graduated college 10 years ago. I should have been teaching 10 years ago. I should have never gotten myself to the point that I allowed myself to get to in terms of my health. I could have been a better husband and son in the past. I want to be the guy who can be relied upon, I want to be the guy who people can turn to for trust, strength, and motivation.

I've come a long way from where I was before. Exactly one year ago, I was talking to a friend online about how helpless I felt. I was overweight, my back hurt so much daily that tying my shoes made me break out in sweats. I felt like a complete failure who had lost every battle that he had faced. I still remember sitting at my computer desk talking to him online and feeling so miserable about how things were. I wanted more, but I didn't have the pride, strength or motivation to take it. Frankly, I didn't feel like I deserved that chance at life because I had already pissed it away.

Today, I'm a different man. I may not have met every one of my goals yet - the bulging abs, the degree, the teaching job, the perfect husband and son, but there's a major difference. Last year, these things were an oasis - the palm tree in the desert that wasn't really there.

Today, it's reality. One year from now, when I post on this blog on my second year anniversary, I will be all of those things.

Continue on this journey with me for my second year. It's going to be even better than the first one.

Trotting Towards Thanksgiving

Yesterday was a strong day with perfect eating and perfect exercise. I woke up this morning not wanting to work out since my muscles were sore as hell, but I knew that I wanted to stick to my guns, work out in the morning (hell, I have volleyball tonight, bonus) before work and get my groove going for the day.

Since I didn't want to lift weights and I knew it was going to be all cardio, I thought it would have been a waste of time to go to the gym. And with my rebirthday being on Thanksgiving, I thought it would be appropriate to warm up for the 5k Turkey Trot with a good brisk run this morning. I did a 5k this morning, and I felt pretty good about it. After about the 1 mile point I thought I was going to die, but all I could think about was "I'll be damned if I walk". After this entire year of working so hard to get to where I am today, there was no way in hell I was going to stop running.

And I didn't.

In fact, I had my best time ever. I'll do all the comparisons against last year on Thanksgiving because it'll be an 'official race time', but today I clocked myself at 30:52. That's amazing to me. I've been wanting to break thirty minutes but figured I had a long, long way to go to do that. To me, a 30 minute 5k is a huge milestone to break. It's like breaking 300 pounds. One of those miletones that I looked at as something that probably would never happen.

But breaking 300 DID happen. In fact, it's so far in the rear view mirror that it'll never happen again.

The 30 minute 5k will be mine. It may not be this week, but one day, I'll look back at the 30 minute 5k and wonder how I could ever have been so slow.

Oh, and by the way - 273 on the scale today. I know I've said this a million times, but the fire is starting to burn again. I can feel it.

Lightning In A Bottle

I posted a blog a few hours ago - this is just a follow up to it.

Around 3:30 or so, I was starving. I ate my lunch early, so I hadn't eaten anything since like 10:30. So there I was sitting at work, and all I could think about was food. I was talking to Billy online and telling him about this, and we're talking about how I just need to find the fire again.

So I am supposed to leave work at 5, and Erin doesn't get home until after 8:30. To be flat out blunt, I didn't trust myself to go home with 3 1/2 hours to myself and not empty the fridge in one quick binge. I just didn't trust myself.

Instead, I stayed at work late, went to the gym at six - and I had a tuna packet that I grabbed from my lunch desk and ate it dry on the way to the gym.

When I got into the gym, I started thinking about how much I've failed myself lately. Binging on foods I have no business even thinking about, having shitty workouts, staying in these 270's since I believe August.. I just got fed up, and something snapped in me.

My bench weight went up 20 pounds. My shoulders, arms, back, abs, everything went much more intense. My leg press maxed the machine, and I did both leg presses and calf raises at 400 pounds.

I was on fire.

I came home, and still wanted food.

I had an apple.

Erin gets home in about 45 minutes and there's going to be baked perch and a side salad ready for both of us.

Today - I get an A. I'm proud of that.

What I Feel Like Doing

What I feel like doing right now:
Binging on anything I can find to eat.

What I'm going to do:
Finish off my last half hour of work, chug some ice cold water, and head straight to the gym.

I ate my lunch too early today, so I'm starving. Mistake number one. I've got a tuna packet sitting here so I'm going to eat that on the way to the gym, and then that should hold me over until dinner time.

Today is one of those days where I have to prove myself - to myself.

I will not binge. I will eat smart, and get that craving out by hitting the gym and knocking it out of the park.

I thought I should put it out there so you can ask me how I did later tonight and keep me honest.

Reality

Weigh In: 278.5
Today's Grade: B+

I gave myself a B+ today because I think I did pretty well. I actually slept until 10am, which is UNHEARD of, and didn't eat until after noon (and a workout that I got in). I did good with my meals today and even made some good choices. For dinner we had Boston Market chicken, so I did well. My wife brought over the leftover cheesecake from yesterday, and I skipped it - instead opting for a Weight Watchers (2 points, not that I count them) ice cream bar.

I could have skipped the ice cream bar, but I was sitting at a table with everyone eating cheesecake, so to weight my options, I'd say I did well.

One thing Rebecca said tonight got me thinking. She was talking about what my motivation is, and she compared it to what I used to be in the past. Billy had said something about that as well.

I think the God honest truth is, I really don't "feel like" doing this right now. I don't have that ultimate motivation, and I really feel like sometimes I'm doing this whole weight loss thing "because I have to", and not "because I want to". It's been a constant struggle these past few months, and now that I've been thinking about it, I really feel that this may be why.

The good news is, even though I don't want to be doing this, I am anyways. In the past, this is where I lose it, I go crazy and re-gain everything I'd ever lost. We've all done that, we know that feeling. Because I feel accountable to you guys, maybe that's why I don't quit.

It's just the reality of the situation. I don't like it, but it is what it is.

I don't feel like having this major drive towards weight loss that includes 'great motivational speeches' and the fire in the gym that I've had in the past.

But I do it anyway. I'm trying to regain the drive to do it. And maybe it'll slowly grow like a stoked fire. Maybe one day I'll just click and it'll all happen just like it did in the past.

But maybe, I do it because I know I have to. There's a ton of things in this life that I won't want to do but I will do because it's best for me. This may very well be one of them.

So that's why I struggle. That's why nothing seems like a 'constant' for me. I've always tried to picture myself as the "next" Billy - the guy that just goes nuts and is completely changes his life. I thought that it would be easy, but I have a feeling that Billy would agree when I guess that his journey wasn't "easy".

I'm rambling now, but I wanted to get that out there. The good news out of all of this is that I'm getting to be aware of it, and I know what my enemy is. The better news is that I think that fire will eventually come back, and if I've proven to myself that I can do what I need to do when I don't want to - once I want to again, it'll be that much more success?

Is that stupid? Does it make sense? I don't even know, but that's what I'm thinking.

I'm going to win this thing, whether I like it or not.

Day Four

Weigh In: 276
Day's Performance Grade: F

It was a bad day in the life when it came to the healthy lifestyle today.

Ate all day long, but didn't really blow it until dinner-ish time. But, it wasn't your normal "eat too big of a portion" thing. This was something I was really prepared for, but the excuse ends there.

We went to a "games night" with a bunch of my wife's teacher friends. Had a blast, they're all good folks, and we had a TON of fun. But there was no 'dinner'. It was all appetizers and snacks, and long story made short, I didn't hold back. I started by having the hummus because it was one of the only healthy choices, but if it was one of my weaknesses, it was there. Mexican dips, spinach dips, garlic bread, you name it - I ate it. I didn't have large portions really, but I picked and picked and ate non stop it seems from 6pm until just before midnight.

So when that scale goes up tomorrow (and it will), it's my own damn fault.

All I can do is fix it. And a week from now, when I'm wondering why I'm still in the 270s, I can look at this blog and remember the day I gave into temptation. That just sucks.

But it's life. And it also means that I'll be 100% tomorrow, and get my grade back up where it needs to be to pass this test.

Day Three

Weigh In: 276
Day's Performance: A-

I did well today. I ate right, although I think I probably ate too big of a lunch. I had a good small victory tonight at dinner. All I could think about is how my dinners have been too big lately, and tonight we went to Bennigan's for dinner to celebrate my mom's birthday. This place, if you haven't been there, is a complete food trap. For example, they have this sandwich called the Monte Cristo - it's a huge sandwich with ham, turkey and cheese - and then it's DEEP FRIED and then they put sprinkled powdered sugar on it.

In the past, I would have had two. I think they've got like 3000 calories or something insane like that.

I ordered the "Pick Two" with an 8 ounce angus beef well done steak and a grilled chicken breast. I substituted the baked potato and got steamed broccoli instead. I also passed 100% on the rolls and butter - and had a diet coke.

Oh, and I went to the gym not once, but twice today.

So, I give myself an A- for the day. It would have been an A if I would have had a better lunch, but I had that 'stuffed' feeling because I overate. I'll be doing the letter grades for now on, analyzing each day. Perhaps I'll start to give myself 'weekly report cards' averaging my weekly grades. We'll see how that goes.

Day 3 in the books - tomorrow will start a real challenge. Weekend Warriors - who's with me?

Day Two

So I did some things right and some things wrong today.

I woke up, and immediately didn't feel like going to the gym. I sat down and watched Kid Nation before work (pretty good reality show considering the garbage out there), and had extra time since today was a late day at work. I literally debated in my head whether or not to watch another show since I was SO comfortable, or go to the gym. I manned up and just went to the gym. Got a great workout in as well.

Eating went great today. For breakfast - Kashi cereal. For lunch, a salad with veggies and fat free italian dressing with a tuna packet. The problem came at dinner. I was starving, so I had 4 turkey meatballs that Erin made. Super healthy, had peppers and onions cooked into them. Delicious. But then I was still hungry, so I had a small bowl of cereal. Then, I had another one.

That's just stupid on my part. But this is what my weakness is. I get so damned desperate after eating perfect every day, and then I blow it at dinner. I don't get why this is - but it just is. I have always throughout my life had dinner as the 'big' meal of the day. Maybe it's bred into me that I should be completely FULL after dinner.

That's stupid logic and I know it.

I feel like I wasted a day, but I know I did a lot good. I just need to do MORE good. Less 'little mistakes', and more 'perfect because I DESERVE it'.

I did OK today. That's not enough.

Tomorrow I *WILL* be better. And that starts with a strong gym workout.

Day One

Weigh In: 277.5

Last night was an important night for me.

I told you guys that a lot of other issues in my life have been messed up - and without getting into the details, weight loss isn't the only thing I recommitted to today. When things get real rough and you start to lose sight of what is most important to you in your life, it tends to get pushed back. I've done that in two areas of my life in the past few weeks, and yesterday, I recommitted to both of them.

I don't want to get into the first one - the person who needs to read this knows who I am talking about.

The second one is worth talking about.

I ate perfectly yesterday. I had an awesome workout - I'm talking a 9:28 mile as a "warm up", a great weight lifting workout followed by a 30 minute elliptical cooldown. I felt energized for the first time in a while. I actually went to Wayne State's gym which was a "new and different" feel, it helped push me a bit.

So that's all I can do. That's Day One. Now, today's a new day. We'll call it Day Two.

Oh, and PS: Happy 50th Birthday mom! You still look 29 to me. =)

Quitters Never Win

Weigh In: 278.5

I've had a few of you send me emails of encouragement, and I really appreciate it.

I've been doing a ton of soul searching lately - trying to find how out to get Tuck's groove back. I've done everything - I've spent time praying about it (and I'm not much of a prayer guy), I've talked to people, I've tried to back away and look at things from a different way, and I've even gone to a few online Overeaters Annonymous meetings. I only mention that because I need to recognize the fact that I haven't just brushed this off.

Life is just crazy right now - and I'm not just talking about 'being busy'. There's a lot of stress happening now and it's coming from different sides of my life. Some things are a bit overwhelming and I'm having a hard time dealing with them. That's just the way it is, and I need to realize that I'm hiding from issues that I need to face.

This has thrown my life cycle completely out of whack. I'm not eating at regularly scheduled times, I'm not working out NEARLY as much as I should be - and even when I do, they lack the intensity. And I've been snacking a ton lately, which makes no sense because I've never even been that 'snacker' guy. I've never had any weakness for those 'bite here, bite there' things.

All I've been able to do lately is think about when the next meal is - where the next piece of food is that I can pop into my mouth. I don't know why, but I'm relating it to what's going on in life right now.

Honestly, I'm tired of bitching about it, and I'm tired of coming on here and posting about how bad my life is. It's not that bad - I just have some issues, but I think we all do at some point. I feel like I'm letting you guys down by not being the 'motivational leader' that I've been in the past. With blogs slowing down lately, and if I'm being honest, with Billy taking on less of the leader role, I feel like it's up to me to not only carry myself, but put the Coalition on my back and lead by example. Bluntly, I've been failing miserable at all aspects of this.

So - and I know I've said this a hundred times before - I'm giving it another push up the hill. I've come a long way, and in the past perhaps I didn't realize that my 'reasons' were 'excuses'. I know exactly what the issues are, and I need to change it. I think that starts with my piss poor attitude lately. Feeling sorry for myself, feeling helpless - that's not usually my style, but it has been lately.

I had a good breakfast this morning, and I was STARVING today driving into work. The last few weeks, that means I would have gotten to work and scarfed down my lunch, and then ate whatever was laying around all day. I vowed to be different and put myself in a better situation today. I went to Meijers on the way to work - got a cheap salad for like $1.50, I'm going to put a tuna pack into it for a healthy protein lunch, and I brought my own dressing to work - the healthy stuff.

To battle the snacking cravings, I know that I'm not strong enough to fight them off lately. So, I got a bunch (is that what they call it, a "bunch") of broccoli and a bag of baby carrots.

If I'm going to snack uncontrollably, I can't think of a better alternative.

So here we go again. Stop me if you've heard this one before.

Day 1. The counter starts today, my weight loss starts again today. With Billy's re-birthday just passing yesterday, it reminds me that my re-birthday is November 22nd. That's 8 days away.

I won't hit my 100 pounds lost goal that I wanted to hit by then - I'd have to get to 250. It ain't happening. But the best thing I can do for myself is end my first year on a strong note, being proud of my accomplishments of the past year instead of this 'poor me' attitude I've had lately.

Back at it - once again. I told myself that I would never quit trying. I may not win every fight, but the one you bail on is the one you lose.

Pushing Through

Yesterday's Weigh In: 279
Today's Weigh In: 276.5

First off, I want to thank Kevin for shooting me an email to see what was up. I only missed one day of blogging, but I think he knew that there was something else going on in my head.

I've been so down the past few days because of the weight on the scale. I can't even explain it - the best I can say is that if it wasn't for this blog and my accountability to you folks, I would have lost it completely. I have had no motivation for a while, but at least the scale was going down. When that thing jumped up to 279, there's not a word in the dictionary to explain how I felt about it.

I feel like there's two forces literally pushing on my body. There's that thought in the back of my head that tells me to keep pushing, to keep driving as hard as I can - it's the one that gets me to the gym and eating right.

But the other one is like two hands just pushing down on my shoulders, forcing me to stay put. It's hard to explain, but it's almost a literal feeling of being forced down. The motivation part of me has always been able to push away and get me to where I need to be - I wouldn't be where I am today if it hadn't.. but I can't seem to get out of it lately.

Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's just me. Maybe the frustration of being in these 270s for so damned long is breaking me down.

Either way, I have to just do it. So, I'm getting out of this chair and going to the gym before work. What else can I do? Back at it, right?

Changes

Ok, so I'm not supposed to weigh in at night - but I feel bloated as hell today. I haven't eaten too horribly today, but for the past few days, I've probably had more processed whites (breads and pasta) than I have in months. I feel absolutely huge right now.

So I stepped on the scale at 10:32 at night.

283.5.

That's 283.5. With an 8.

Usually, I drop about 3 pounds at night, so that means I'm up near 280. That makes absolutely no sense to me. That means I've gained about 9 pounds overnight? That's not physically possible, is it? And that's assuming that I am going to lose my nightly 3 pounds.

I don't get it - I haven't eaten too bad. Calories have been reasonable - although not ideal, surely not 283.5 bad. If that sticks, I may very well lose my mind.

I may be going drastic here pretty soon. I need to get out of the 270's, but damn if I'm going the wrong direction. I've been thinking about going to a straight diet for a while, perhaps the whole meal substitution thing, I don't know. I have to sort things out, but if this scale reads anything closely related to what I think it's going to in the morning, then I'm throwing out the rulebook that I know and I'm going extreme for a while. Call it extreme, call it a 'diet', call it a detox - but I have to do something.

Let's knock on wood. But if the termites bite, I'm changing all the rules. I'll report back in tomorrow morning.

New Belt

Weigh In: 271.5
Calories Counted: Hard to say, around 2000?

Had a bowl of shredded wheat for lunch, a salad with black beans and tuna fish for lunch and weight watcher chicken chili for dinner - I probably had too much chili, had 2 full bowls, but I'm telling you, that stuff was pretty damned good, and if I'm going to 'overeat', it might as well be weight watcher's chicken chili.

The tailbone's still busting me up, but I'm noticing that it's either going away slowly - or the Aleve I'm taking is really working wonders. I got a pretty good workout in the past few days, even if I haven't been able to do 'heavy lifting'.

In other news, a few months ago I bought a belt that was size 46/48 - I bought this belt because my old one was too big, and I had to poke holes in it to make it fit. I lost enough weight to get into the 46/48 belt. Over the past few months, my 'new, smaller' belt started eating up the belt holes to the point where today Erin was able to buy me a third belt - this one a size 42. That's pretty cool to me - because the first belt I had was a size 50/52. That's 10/12 belt sizes for you mathematicians out there. A small victory in a war against the scale that's been a stalemate these past few months. Goes to show that you can lose inches even if the pounds aren't disappearing.

Also, I'm a big concerned about the state of the FAT Coalition lately. It's been dead. What used to be a daily blog for many has turned into 1 - maybe 2 a week. I know the weather and season changes are affecting us, other issues have come into play, and maybe it's just getting old or tough - but I'm seeing a slowdown again. If you're struggling, maybe it's time to use the ol' blog a bit more. Perhaps touching base with everyone will re-energize you. Lord knows that this blog has single-handedly saved me from falling off the wagon more times than I can count.

So, for those of you who this applies to - I hope things are going well. Keep in touch more often - I check everyone's blog at least 5 or 6 times a day, and I'd love to have more blogs to leave comments for, and more teammates to cheer on!

Ouch

Weigh In: Already reported

Ok, now this is going to sound really stupid, but I've got a major bruise on the bottom of my tailbone, and I have no idea what the hell it's from. Right down at the bottom of the spine - it's been hurting for the past few days, but today and yesterday it's really been tough. For example, when I sit down in my computer chair, I'm comfortable. But I know when I get up, there's going to be a laser beam of pain shooting from the tailbone.

Pardon the pun, but it's a pain in the ass.

I've been gaining steam in the gym lately, but this is totally limiting. I went to do my dumbbell curls (50 pounds), and I could hardly lift them. The pain was shooting through my lower back, it was rediculous.

I'm hoping I can sleep it off, but if not, I may end up at the doc's over it. Plus, add that to my right shoulder that I'm convinced I'm going to end up with tendonitis or arthritis in - it's been stiff and burning for months and has been getting progressively worse lately.

I apologize to those of you who actually sat through me whining through this blog. I feel like I really need to push as hard as ever right now, yet potholes keep popping up. Either way, as I said yesterday, I'm doing what I need to do - whether I'm up for it or not.

TGIF - big time.

Oh, and here's some good news. Everyone welcome Geoff to the FAT Coalition. Welcome aboard, Geoff.

Doing It Anyway

Yesterday's Weigh In: 271.5 or 274?
Today's Weigh In: 272.5

Hard to explain yesterday's weigh in, I'm trying to avoid getting a new scale. I stepped on the scale, and it ready 271.5. Then I stepped on it again and got a 274. Then a few other times so I could try to get some consistency and it kept going back and forth. So I said screw it, stepped off and went on with my day. Today it was a consistent 272.5 the three times I stepped on it, so I went with it.

It's been a tough week this week, both mentally and physically. Some stuff just completely consuing my mind and energy, and it's completely taken my drive to do the right thing away. If it was up to me, I'd wake up, sit on the couch and just bury myself in junk food. I've been down and out for about a week, and there's been no drive at all. Work, school, the gym, my eating, you name it - I'm just feeling down.

But I do it anyway. I wake up, and I go to school. I go to work. I eat right. I exercise. I wish I sounded more upbeat and energized, but I'm just not into it.

I really don't feel like doing it, but I do it anyway.

And that's what success is.

Moody?

Do you feel that outside temperature affects your eating habits?

Yes 73.8%

Hmm - I'm not sure 12.1%

No 14.0%

This was in interesting question on weather.com of all places. I was checking what the weather was like outside today because I've been trying to force myself to go outside and run after work, and this happened to be on the main page when I punched in my zipcode.

It seems to be going around - and perhaps there's a lot more to it. Billy had mentioned the season changes affecting his mood lately, and it seems like the Coalition in general is running in a low gear. We've been slow as a group in terms of comments, replies and even blog posts - and it doesn't seem like we've got that fire that we've had in the past as a team.

I've been eating well, but my workouts have been less than stellar. In the past, I may have chalked it up to "look at this survey.. EVERYONE is gloomy, it's not just me". In the past, I would have used that as an excuse.

Look yourself in the mirror. Are you doing EVERYTHING you can do to lose this weight? Are you motivated and excited about it? Do you see yourself at your goal weight in the future and just get giddy?

I don't either.

But I fight through it. What about you?

Running on E?

Weigh In: 273.5
Calories Counted: Around 1900

I'm not sure what it is lately, but I can't seem to get a good solid workout in when I'm in the gym. Billy attributes it to the weather and the changing seasons, and maybe he's right. I just feel gloomy lately. I feel like my muscles don't want to move, and I don't feel anywhere near as active as I have in the past. I mean, I'm doing what I need to do - my body just feels like it's got wet concrete flowing through my veins.

I was going to go for a run tonight, but it was so freaking cold here in Michigan. So, I went to the gym and got this half-assed workout in. I wanted to do more, but as I said - I just felt.. blah. Like ropes were pulling me to the ground.

Eating was fine as well, nothing much major to report on that one.

I will be running the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving morning - you Detroiters out there, if you want to do it, let me know and we can all meet down there. I'm also ready to sign up for the 5k "Race for the Cure" in May, and I've already signed up for the 3-day walk next September. This whole running thing may actually work out for me, I hope.

So, not much to report. All's well at the port tonight.

How NOT to Eat Healthy

Weigh In: Already reported
Calories: Total guess, around 1500?

Today was a wierd day for me in the eating department. I did my 5k run (runners and bloggers, read my last post if you haven't already), and then we had a surprise 50th birthday party for my mom that I helped organize. Long story made short, I didn't eat all day - even after my run, until after 2pm when I got to the party. I wasn't even hungry, it was strange. I was so busy that I didn't even think about food. I literally had 0 calories for the day at 2:30pm.

At the party, I did pretty well. When the snacks and appetizers were going around, I munched on pickle spears, carrots and broccoli, and washed it down with Diet Coke. For dinner (around 4pm-ish), I had some sweedish meatballs and taco salad, my two favorites. I also had about 4 cheese/crackers throughout the day. I skipped the desserts and sweets, and did pretty good.

I was pretty full after that, so I didn't eat anything else all night. It's 10:24pm as I type this, and I'm not hungry at all.

So I'm guessing I had like 1500 calories today - but I could be way off. I had about 10 meatballs (those little tiny ones) and like 3 scoops of taco salad and then veggies, so who knows, but I know I was in line, if not 'too low'. Either way, I did well considering what was there.

Today wasn't a day you'll find in the "great eating handbook", but I handled my business, and the bottom line is that I kept it under where I need to be. Another day in the books.

Running Man

Yesterday's Weigh In: 274
Today's Weigh In: 273
Yesterday's Calories: 1500 (including 2 beers)

Last night was hectic, so I didn't get a blog in, so here we go.

Ate damn near nothing yesterday. Just wasn't up for it. It wasn't intentional, but my day just kind of went like that. We did end up going to Don Pablo's for dinner, and I got Mama's Skinny Enchilada's (which are fantastic), so I had a pretty healthy eating day.

Today, I woke up and was ready to go to the gym. Instead, I decided to map out a 3.1 mile run (also known as a 5k) and just run it. See how much I could do. My goal was to go as far as I could without stopping. I didn't time it technically, but I looked at the clock before I left and then when I got back.

I did the entire thing without stopping. I did 5k.

I wanted to quit a hundred times, but all I could get into my head was "I want to report this to FAT". That was my motivation.

As for the time, it was 10:27am when I left, and when I got back to the house, it was 11:04am. The 5k didn't end in my driveway though, it ended about 5 blocks from my house, it was the closest I could get to an even circle in the neighborhood. So, counting all that, my time 37 minutes, and I'm completely guessing that it took me 5-7 minutes to limp home after I hit the 5k and had to walk home. It was good, because it's definitely smart to cool down.

This tells me that I did this 5k somewhere between 30-33 minutes. I'm pretty damned impressed with that. Just wanted to brag a bit on a weekend success.

In the right direction

Weigh In: 272.75
Calories Counted: Around 2000 (probably less)

Did well with the eating again today. Had a Julienne Salad for dinner from a restaurant so I'm not sure how many calories I took in today, but I was at 1100 before dinner and I know the salad didn't have 900 in it - it was ham and cheese slices with vegetables and ranch dressing. I'm safe with calling it under 2000 for the day, so I'm good with that.

I've been really, really tired lately, I'm not sure what the story is with that. I'm just beat. It feels like since I've been back from OKC, I haven't had any energy. I'll survive it, but I've just been dragging ass. I mean, it's 9:30pm and I feel like it's 1am.

The scale was the big focus today. Looks like I was able to drop the excess from the week, so that's a good thing. Other stresses are starting to really build up, but I need to keep my focus as hard as I can on this. I've been doing well, but I can't rest on yesterday's laurels today. Tomorrow's a new day.