Yesterday's Weigh In: 279Today's Weigh In: 276.5
First off, I want to thank Kevin for shooting me an email to see what was up. I only missed one day of blogging, but I think he knew that there was something else going on in my head.
I've been so down the past few days because of the weight on the scale. I can't even explain it - the best I can say is that if it wasn't for this blog and my accountability to you folks, I would have lost it completely. I have had no motivation for a while, but at least the scale was going down. When that thing jumped up to 279, there's not a word in the dictionary to explain how I felt about it.
I feel like there's two forces literally pushing on my body. There's that thought in the back of my head that tells me to keep pushing, to keep driving as hard as I can - it's the one that gets me to the gym and eating right.
But the other one is like two hands just pushing down on my shoulders, forcing me to stay put. It's hard to explain, but it's almost a literal feeling of being forced down. The motivation part of me has always been able to push away and get me to where I need to be - I wouldn't be where I am today if it hadn't.. but I can't seem to get out of it lately.
Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's just me. Maybe the frustration of being in these 270s for so damned long is breaking me down.
Either way, I have to just do it. So, I'm getting out of this chair and going to the gym before work. What else can I do? Back at it, right?
12 comments:
I've been wanting to write a comment to you for a while now but the fact is I don't know what to say. I don't know what it is that's holding you back right now.
A slogan I use sometimes is "If things aren't going the way you want them to, you have only yourself to blame."
It isn't meant to make you feel bad, it's meant to light a fire under your ass and realize that only you and your actions have control over what happens to you.
I think you have conflicting attitudes. You're fighting against yourself. If you want to succeed, you need to take that bad attitude part and not push it down, but turn it around. Make any sense?
You can do this. Today is the day, last year, I started my quest. Start yours again today.
I think its good that you are pushing through and not letting this get the best of you. But if you dont like whats going on than you have to change it.Ive had my share days like your having..but in the end we are the only one in control.
Maybe try something that makes you happy. Do an activity that brings a smile to our face. Change up your scenery. The sun is shining today....go outside and enjoy it.
Hang in there Rob. Like I said the fact that you are still pushing through is great. Now use a little more momentum and Ill see you on the other end ;)
I definitely blame myself. It's a major struggle against .. I guess, myself.
It's like, I get all motivated, I'm ready to go and kick ass, and I go to bed ready to take on the world. Then I wake up, and it's a war being waged in my head. Get up. I don't want to. Just do it. But why?
I could give you a million excuses, but I'm aware that they're excuses. I don't know what my problem is.
I did prepare my meals for the day, I set everything up for success, and I'm playing volleyball tonight, so I'm hoping for something. The weight came down a few pounds, but I'm not even excited about it. It's hard to get excited about anything when it's the 270s, especially 276.
I don't know, I just have to throw my thoughts out there and see if anything materializes. Frustrating beyond control.
Maybe you really need to really do a re-assessment or something. Perhaps youve lost the reason why you began this or you accomplished what you started this journey for and havent found a new reason to forge ahead. I agree with Billy and Melissa and Ive had to do it with myself...Ive complained about this sucking or where Im at in life but ultimately Im at the control of my ship. Circumstances happen but the reality is what will I do once they happen.
Youre down and thats normal Rob. Dont feel bad about that part. But what will you do from here. Will you stay down? Are you happy where you are? If not, what do you need to be happy? How does your weight correlate to that need?
Maybe you make all these high-lofty statements for us and not yourself and therefore when it comes to achieving them or having to put them into action theres no motivation. Think about what you need and what you can do to make that need happen. Once you have that need then find the desire to get it done.
Youve done well this far but I think you need to find a reason to forge ahead. Maybe youre looking at Billy's success and thinking you should be done by now. But remember we're all different and it takes each of us a different path to get to reach our goals. I know it can be disheartening to think a year ago you started out with someone and here they are a year later all done. But hey at least youre still going at it and if you stick with you too will look up in a few months and realize youre at your goal.
Come on Rob, we're bigger than this and I dont mean FATwise...make it happen!
Rob I am 100% with you man. Its a war for me everyday also. Times I feel like I am on fire and motivated then the next second I am lying on the couch making excuses. We all know what needs to be done. What I don't understand is there is no way to gain 9 lbs overnight if your eating under your calorie allotment. At least not 9lbs that stay with you and you have to re loose. So what's really going on?
You have been in the 270s for too long as I have been in the 220s for too long.
I admire the fact that you are willing to spill your mind on the blog.
I agree with Melissa on doing something that makes you happy or smile. Think about what makes you happy and go do it. Your in a funk man and I hate to see you like this.
I do feel like we are walking in the same shoes man. If there is anything I can do let me know.
I definitely feel where you're at, I'm pretty disheartened at my progress as well. For me, I just have to tell myself to keep on going, even if I don't feel like I'm making progress. It's the consistency that will get us there, whether the journey is quick and eventful or slow and arduous.
The motivation thing is a tough one, though. I haven't quite figured that one out yet either. Hopefully with more experience and learning from mistakes we can learn how to keep that fire lit.
Rob, I've visited your page several times today, and started a comment each time, but I am failing at finding my words today. I blame the fever. It fried my brain.
Ok, I'm about to out myself as a huge comic-book nerd. Every superhero, without exception, is just an allegory for the internal battle between good and evil. Do you think Superman wants to fight the bad guys? No, he wants to bang Lois and live a normal life. But he recognizes that he has power and, as a member of society, some obligaton to use that power for good. He must hope that he can still bang Lois after fighting evil.
Whenever I'm struggling, I think about the power each of us has to direct our own lives. Free will. I'm incapable of making the 100% best choice 100% of the time, but I like to think that my stats are improving. There are times when doing it for Me just isn't enough. So I do it for Rebecca, my partner in the Do-Gooders. Or I do it for FAT. Or I do it for my future husband, John Cusack/Ryan Howard/whoever-will-have-me.
Oh, Rob, I feel your struggle. We all do. My heart aches for you because I've been there and I know how awful it feels. We've got your back. Billy might be jumping ship, but the rest of us are here for you. (Just kidding, Billy, we know you're just paddling on a parallel course.)
You know, I think it's because we live with ourselves and don't see the changes in such a big way- it's been a little thing here and a little thing there, and because we aren't where we want to be yet (which we should have been there x weeks/months/years ago, our brains say), it just makes things difficult for us. We see someone else making the changes, and to us, it's huge. To them it's not, and they're as frustrated as we are.
I've added your blog to my reader (finally), and I look forward to reading more from you!
Oh, and what set me off on that previous rant? I was checking out your pics on the side- you've made quite the progress in the last year!
Nothing that I can say would be any different than what has already been said. Just know that you have all of us in your corner. You're a great asset to this group, and judging by the support I see here, we won't let that change anytime soon!
Ok. I'm going to give you the same link I just gave to Ripx:
http://skwigg.tripod.com/blog/index.blog?entry_id=1760110
(Billy still hasn't explained how to do the link thingee in comments.)
It's really great that you're able to blog about this, and that the FAT coalition has been able to keep you somewhat on track. I admire your ability to stick with it where I would probably have dropped out.
However, that doesn't let you off the hook. :)
I'll be honest, you're not fully committed to making this happen anymore. You want it to happen, but you're not doing everything you need to do in order to make it happen.
This isn't really a bad thing, it's just the way it is. If you're happy with where you're at, do the things you need to do to keep yourself there and be happy.
If you're not, and you feel like you're really willing to do something to change it, then figure out a way to do it, make a plan, and STICK WITH IT! If you don't have a plan, but are willing to commit to meeting your goal, well...that's what we're here for.
The thing you don't want to do is lie and tell yourself you are committed, but knowing deep in your heart that you're not really willing to make the sacrifices. You'll end up in a situation where you're never happy with the way things are or the direction they're going.
How was the workout, Rob?
Post a Comment