Clean Mind, Clean Body

I've been thinking a lot lately about what 2017 is going to look like for me, and I've been trying to compare it to what I've done RIGHT in 2016, and what I've done WRONG in 2016.

I've been pretty hard on myself when it comes to what I've done wrong - running 12 races but gaining weight, not taking my weight serious except for one day every month in order to finish the race, etc... but there's been good points. I've gotten up and DONE those races. I haven't been consistent on much this year, but I paid those fees, got up on those mornings (and few nights - night runs suck, btw), and put my feet on the road.

I've done some right.

But there's some bad habits that I want to fix. Things I want to shift when it comes to my overall life. Some things that I've been realizing lately have been pushing me down the wrong worm holes.

For instance, one thing I'm going to start doing is focusing my Facebook time away from politics (which you all know I LOVE), and focusing more on pages that are about healthy eating, healthy lifestyles and the like. If I spend more of my screen time being more POSITIVE, I'm guessing that will spread into my day to day operations.

I want to start spending more time on this blog - I haven't really done a good job of it. I haven't shown consistency, and it's shown. If I don't pay attention to my weight except for that one day a month where my back is coming unglued because I'm too heavy to be walking miles, then it's not going to come off.

So, one of the things I'm going to do this year is read inspiring stories, get fresh ideas, try new things all of the time, and try to stay away from the poison of politics.

No, I'm not going to NEVER know what's going on in the world, but I've already left 2 major FB groups that were polluting my brain and getting me angry over politics, and I will continue to clear the timeline until what I'm seeing is uplifting.

Much more later - and I'm hoping I'm more committed to this blog.

I'll probably start doing multiple posts a day, and trying to keep them from being SO long. I've got another 2-3 topics I want to talk about, but I'm going to hit the publish button before this becomes one of those long ones. More soon :)

Twice the Man I was 10 Years Ago

I've been debating about 100 different things the past few days about my goals, my walking, trying run, etc. I've been going through my old blogs (go to http://icanseemytoes.blogspot.com and look up my blogs from 2007. Healthiest year of my life was the year I turned 30).

I was flipping through and found this link:

http://results.active.com/…/d…/searchable-results/rob-tucker

This was the result page from the Turkey Trot I did back when I was 30 years old. I don't even remember running a 31:29 for a 5K. I'm literally double that 10 years later).

I think this was the thing that I needed to see in order to motivate myself to get better. I've BEEN there before, and frankly, it wasn't all that long ago.

Then I found this blog:

http://icanseemytoes.blogspot.com/2007_08_01_archive.html

And this picture I've attached is what I looked like. I'm almost TWICE the man today as I was back then.

I can't believe how dedicated I was. Perfect eating choices. Working out because I WANTED to and not because I HAD to. And I was running a few health and weight loss groups - we were hosting challenges, losing weight as a team and I was MAKING a difference in not only MY life, but the lives of others.

So, what makes me different today than who I was back then?

1: I didn't have kids.
2: I had a lot more free time.
3: I had a lot more money (see: #1)

I have to be smarter with my time, that's clear. But I can do this.

Starting now.

My First Failure of 2016

I wrote this post a few days after I ran my first 5k of 2016 - and I couldn't finish. I can remember how much pain I was going through and how much of a failure I felt like.

This was my first race of what I promised myself would be 12 races in a year. This picture brings it all right back to me, two days before I go attempt to finish my last of these 12 races.

The Chilly 5K was January 1st, 2016 - this is the picture I've got to show for it. Coincidentally, the Chilly 5K for 2017 is on New Year's Eve, so I chose to do the rematch for my final December race.

I'll have a lot more to say after this race, whether I finish or not, but I want something meaningful to come out of this. In the original post I talked about being 462 pounds. I'm right about there now - I haven't lost anything in the 12 months of doing this.

I chalk that up to knowing that if you only commit yourself to hard work once a month, and you spend the other 4 weeks resting on your laurels and doing nothing to make this not just a race, but a LIFESTYLE change, you will end up in the place that you started. And I literally have done that. In two days, I will be able to say that I've done TWELVE 5K's (one of which was a 4 milers) in TWELVE MONTHS.. yet here I am, at the same weight.

That's bittersweet - it tells me a few things.

One - I haven't done what I should have done. I didn't fully dive in to a new lifestyle. I didn't convince myself that my health was more important to me than my addictive eating behaviors. And my body is paying for that - this is what must change in 2017.

But it also tells me this - I CAN do what I set out to do if it's important enough to me. I have become this strange fixture in the Joplin racing community - forever last place, but people who run in Joplin know me. To them, I'm the inspirational guy who doesn't give up. I'm the one that they all wait at the end of the race to cheer into the finish line.

I'm one of them.

I have so many things hanging over my head right now that I have to resolve in 2017 that I'm afraid to make promises about doing more races, more times, better times, etc. But I know a few things.

1: I love this racing community and the unconditional support they give to an out of shape, last-place making walker who comes to their events.

2: There's something inside of me that is DYING to get out. Each one of these races meant something to me - meeting someone (like I did crossing the finish line with Chris Carlson this summer in Branson), or having others come there to rescue me and just walk with me (like Gabe Allen and others have done for me). There is potential that I have yet to release, and I want to find out what it is. I want to be a runner - not just a guy who does it halfway once a month and barely makes it out alive.

3: I need more focused, self-driven goals for 2017. Maybe it's amping up races and connecting weight loss to it. Maybe it's a full commitment to a workout program, walking program, eating program, whatever. I've got a doc's appointment on January 10th to get many of my personal health issues taken care of - from testosterone levels being WAY too low to other chemicals in my body preventing me from doing what I'm supposed to be doing. My meeting with a specialist on the 10th will tell me a lot of what I should expect moving forward.

So, as I sneak into 2017, I look at this picture. The slow, defeated Rob. The one who couldn't get to the end of the race. The one who failed.

Also, the one who never gave up and has a wall of medals and racing bibs, along with a ton of new friends in the racing community to show for it.

I don't know what 2017 will look like yet - but I know that I will be able to look in the mirror and know that the guy looking back accomplished a goal in 2016 and wants more for himself. Who is with me?

Originally Posted on January 10th, 2016 -

This post is 10 days in the making. I've written this blog post about 40 times in my head over the last 10 days, but I wanted to make it count. I'm not sure how long or short this is going to be, but I know this is going to be important - at least to me. So, here we go.

I have committed to doing a 5k walk/race every month for the year of 2016. I've done about 4-5 of these in the pasts 5 years or so, so I'm pretty confident that I can do this. However, there are risks and some serious flaws in my life and mentality that is going to make this difficult.

First off - I'm up to 462 pounds. I keep gaining weight, and I'm not sure how this is happening. I mean - I eat. And I don't move. So, really shouldn't be surprised. But I don't get it. That number - to me - is just an insurmountable number that means I might as well just lock myself in a closet and wait to die. It's depressing. It's overwhelming. And frankly, if it wasn't for my commitment to my children and my wife, I would have given up, gone towards disability and a life of self pity.

But, I can't do that. I don't have very much pride and self confidence left, if I'm being VERY honest with myself. But if there's one thing that holds me together is that while I know the rest of the world views me as this giant - and I mean GIANT loser who has failed at as many jobs as he can count on his two hands in the past 10 years, and an in the meantime has gone from a super healthy 266 pounds to adding 200 pounds to my frame in the time that my wife has married me. I mean, that's not fair to her. She didn't sign up for that. She didn't think that just 7 years after she married a healthy, confident, strong man to help raise her children, she would be having to accommodate for my shortcomings as a man, and as a husband.

That may sound harsh - and even as I type this I cringe, but I have to face the truth. A friend of mine - more of a mentor, told me a while ago that the only thing that is going to get me to move forward and truly face my fate is when the hurt is too much to NOT do something about it.

So, enough of the wallowing for a moment. Onto my first race - this January 1st - the Chilly 5k Run in Joplin.

I signed up a few days before the race. I hadn't trained or prepared in any way, but I've done this before. No training, no preparation, and I've about killed myself, but I've always finished the race. It was usually stimulate a bit of pride that I could carry forward. I mean, this was the first of many races of the year, right? Piece of cake.

Then something happened.

The race starts, and I head up the first hill. This wasn't a mountain, but it certainly wasn't a airplane landing strip. The first .8 mile was one steady uphill climb. So, up I go. About 2/3 the way through it, I'm about dead. I'm not running or even pretending to jog. I'm fighting through the INSANE back pain that I faced when my sciatic nerve decided to explode on me. Nevermind that, all I can think of is two things - I have to finish this race so my wife and 5 kids (all of which are somewhere here on the race course cheering me one) can see me do this, and I had to get to the top of the big hill where the water stop was. Not that I needed water - my breathing and legs were fine - but that is where my Red Sea family was, and I knew that if I could get to them, they could cheer me all the way back down and to the finish.

The next half mile I was literally holding onto each car that I passed, hunched over and trying to stretch my back out. Ever single car. There's probably still some guy on St. John's street badmouthing "that guy who put his fat hands all over my truck".

So, I'm walking. Barely. Easily minutes behind the second to last person, with the pace car about 10 feet on my heels, watching my pain. I finally pass my wife and kids - they see the pain on my face, but they cheer me on like the awesome family that they are. That was about 1.1 miles into my 3 miles.

Another hill - and about 5 blocks in front of me is the water station - my Red Sea family. I make it another block ... just 4 blocks left, and that's when I about fell to my knees in tears. I couldn't stand it anymore. I've never been in so much pain with my back, and that's when I waved it off. I had to tell the guy pacing me that I was done, and I needed a ride back.

The guys in the car were super supportive. We continued - I couldn't have been more embarrassed than when I was sitting in the passenger seat, my Red Sea visor hiding my face, slowly driving past the water stop where my Red Sea family was there, seeing me in the car, a total failure.

Long story made short, that made the end of my day. That was my first DNF (Did Not Finish), and as I got out of the pace car one block before the finish line to say that I made it through, there was no pride. Only the biggest feeling of failure I've ever had in my life.

And it wasn't JUST because I didn't finish. I mean - that was a huge part of it. But, I had just let my wife and my five year old down. The teenagers get it. I'm fat and out of shape. I don't have to convince them otherwise. But .. it killed me. Absolutely put me into tears - to see my five year old concerned about me. This five year old boy sees me as a super hero. He's the one that sees no wrong in me. And I showed him what defeat looks like.

And if you've actually read this far - I know what you're thinking. "At least you got out there when so many people don't even try". "You did your best, and you can only get better from here!". I've heard it all the past week, and the truth is, I love every single one of you for saying it.

But when I look in the mirror, I know what happened.

But there's a shining light at the end of this pity parade.

I didn't commit to one race. I committed to 12. And that means, unless I feel like being a total failure for the next 12 months, I have some work to do.

I never thought just 'finishing' a 5k was something I had to work for. It was something I just 'did'. I took finishing for granted, and I can promise you that I will never... EVER do that again. And I am going to prepare for this. I've only got about 5 weeks until my next race - the Polar Run in Neosho on February 27th. I haven't registered yet (pay checks are a funny thing), but that's my target. And I will prepare. And I will finish. And I will understand what a HUGE deal this is.

So, I failed in January. My story right now isn't a great one. I'm pretty embarrassed and demoralized about it. There's no one to blame for my situation but myself.

But the cool part?

Imagine how sweet the comeback is going to be.

What Needs To Happen

I've been thinking about what to write in this blog for the past month - and now, at 11:40pm on Christmas Eve, I still don't know what I want to say. So, here it goes.

In a week, I'll finish my final 12th 5k race of 2016. When I made this resolution a year ago, I have to be honest - I had no idea if I could do it. It was this fly-by-night, typical Rob type of thing. Make a promise to yourself, not sure how to keep it, but just say it anyway.

But somehow... 12 months later, I kept that promise to myself.

First time in my adult life that I can say I've done that.

And you know - here's the crazy part. I feel like I should be proud of this accomplishment. I mean, on paper - it's a really big deal for a guy my size. A 450 pound guy.... doing a 5K, every single month for a WHOLE YEAR.

But that's the rub.

I'm still a 450 pound guy.

I didn't picture it like this. I thought if I could get 12 5k's in, I'd lose a bunch of weight. I'd be super healthy and at this point I'd have this amazing blog about how this has changed my life, I'm super healthy and I have the running to thank for it.

But I'm larger now than I was when I failed my first race on January 1st. And not by like 5 pounds - by like... 50.

So what did I do wrong?

I got up once a month, went out and did my race, and busted my butt. I'd hurt for days, struggle to walk, and during the race I'd talk to myself about how I need to lose a bunch of weight, do better and do all these great things.

And then for the next 29 days, I'd do absolutely nothing do produce results. I'd eat like crap. I'd sit on my butt. I'd do... nothing. And then 29 days later, I'd go do my race, get the love and adoration from this incredible racing community that exists in Joplin, I'd collect my medal and feel good about myself. And then nothing changes.

If I've done anything good in the past 12 months, it's that I kept my word to myself for the first time in my life. So, I know I can do that.

So, the real question is ... what does 2017 look like? What can I do that will TRULY make a difference in my life? What will take this 450 pound body and shrink it to something healthy? Something that I can crawl around on the ground with my kids? Something that I can actually RUN those 5k's? Something that will truly make my life, my relationships and my marriage better?

I've been reading this Eating Healthy magazine that my mom got me - God bless this woman, she's never been one to beat around the bush. I'm seeing recipes. I'm seeing people making changes. And I'm sitting here wondering how I can TOTALLY NOT see this being me.

This is what I need to do:

Plan meals.
Get healthy eating down.
Better eating habits.

Let's get to the point. If I can consistently pay $30-35 bucks to collect.a racing T-shirt and a medal and absolutely DESTROY my body while doing it, I can do better for the temple that God gave me.

No proclamations of WHAT I'm going to do yet. But this is where my heart and mind are this week. Be in thoughtful prayer for me this week, because whatever I research and decide to do, that will be my '12 5ks in 12 months' challenge for 2017. I will need to be consistent with myself and do it for 12 months.

Merry Christmas everyone. I'll be in touch. Thanks for supporting me for another rocky year.

Caught In A Cycle

266 Pounds - 10 Years Ago

A few cool things have happened since the last time I posted - first off, my new cover page has really tried to light a fire underneath me. I've never really liked a picture of myself that I've seen in a long, long time. In fact, I was going through old pictures today and found one that really reminded me about how far BACKWARD I've gone in the past decade. It was kind of depressing - but really something that showed me that I need to make a change before my heart explodes.

The second thing was that the RunJunkees shared my picture and a link to my weight loss blog, so that means there are over 65 more of you reading this one than the last ones, and you are all runners, walkers, movers and are doing incredible things. That really moves me that so many of you have decided to follow me as a complete stranger, and I hope that I don't let you down.

So, since my race, I have really been trying so soul search, and I think I'm coming up with a few basic, common sense problems that I have. Some of this is going to be pretty blunt, but if you know me, that won't be a surprise to you. So, here we go.

1: My eating habits are crap. I simply don't know how to eat healthy anymore. When I try to, I'm starving all of the time, all I think about is food, and then I'm going back into my food addiction phase where I eat everything that I can, get sick, and then have regret and pity on myself. I've tried to do zero carb, I've tried to count calories, and everything in between. The honest truth is, I really don't know what I'm doing anymore.

Couple with that the fact that we're struggling pretty tight financially, and it limits what I can and should be doing with eating. I don't plan things - I just eat what's in the fridge, and then I regret it. If any of you have advice for easy stuff to eat, simple things to prepare, those types of things - what are you doing on a normal day? I'm sure I'll get a ton of stuff that conflicts, but I want to hear what works for me, and maybe I can integrate some of it into my own life.

2: I don't exercise enough. This is my monthly schedule - a race is coming up, and I stress it out. I doubt myself and I know that I can't do it. The race comes up, and I about kill myself to finish, but once I do, I get a ton of positive feedback - just like this last race - people telling me how awesome and inspiring I am. And then I get motivated. And then I start to go to the gym - like yesterday, I did 1.8 miles running non-stop on the Eliptical, 30 minutes straight. Sweat like a politician in church. I felt good about myself. But then today, I had all intentions on going again, but instead, I sat at my desk working (home office), and then got away from that, did some laundry, and then sat in my chair. I ate 6 eggs and six pieces of butter break, and then felt sick. Then, four hours later, I ate an entire package of graham crackers. Why? Because I haven't had a craving for them in forever - hell, I didn't even know they were in the cabinet. But when I found them, I destroyed them like a praying mantis does to her husband's head.

I know some of my issues - I'm trying to do this alone. I go to the gym alone, and do my 30 minutes. Then I talk myself out of it the next day. And then the next day becomes 3-4 weeks, and then I'm facing my next race, and then going back to the beginning - weighing more than I did before the last race, hurting more to finish, and then getting more positive feedback.. and my cycle continues.

I'm posting a picture - one of me 10 years ago when I weighed 266 as opposed to the 450 I do now. You know what I look like now - put it up against the 266 pounder. It's a totally different person. Heck, it's 25 pounds from being HALF of what I am now.

I'm losing my life, one day at a time. I'm stuck. I need out of it. Any advice? Help? Prayer?

#Inspire

I've decided to start blogging again - not what I've been doing on Facebook, but making an intentional, concentrated effort to record my health efforts.  There's been a lot happening lately, and I've thrown some of it on Facebook, but I want to keep this all together.

Why?

I've been doing this blog since 2006.

What has changed since then?

My weight has been in the 200's, then the 300's, and then the 400's.   I went through a divorce, and gained a ton of weight.   I earned a college degree in teaching.  I got married again.  I took on three kids.  I used that teaching degree to move my new family 800 miles away from every ounce of stability that I've ever know.  I was a damn good band director.  I was a damn bad band director.  I made a lot of mistakes, I bounced from 3 different music programs in Arkansas.  I moved back to Michigan.  I moved to Joplin, MO.  Elijah was born.  Olivia was born.  I found Jesus.

My life has been... well, something.   When I look in the mirror, I see someone who has made more mistakes than most, and I am very ashamed of a lot about my life.  But, at the same time, when I blink - I see someone who I in fact very proud of.

I'm a great dad to five kids, and I love them very much.  I'm an honorable husband who is very faithful to his wife, and I love her dearly.  I would, and will continue to do, every single thing that I can do for each one of them, no matter the cost.  My family is my world, and I'd like to think that I've done a pretty decent job raising them to know the difference between right and wrong.

But everything changes.  Everything ebbs and flows.    There have been goods.  There have been bads.  There have been big successes and big failures.

And through all of this - I can look back an entire decade at this blog and see what has worked, what hasn't worked, and perhaps find inspiration from each.

So, I want to get this blog going again.  I want to find people with the same ideals and help them chase them.  I want to inspire people, so in turn they can inspire me.

Let me tell you what has prompted me to do this.

First off - I've got my 40th birthday staring me in the face and I weigh 450 pounds or so.  I haven't stepped on a scale in over a month, but give or take, that's what I'm faced with.  That's the bad news.

The good news is, something incredible has been happening lately.  God has taken my wheel, when I felt like I couldn't steer my own life any longer, and he has been putting things into place.  Let me catch you all up.

In December of 2015, I opened up my big mouth and said that I was going to "run a 5K every month in the year 2016".  That meant that each month, I would sign up for a race and do it.  Every month.  For 12 months.  The fees, the races, the training, everything that would go with it.

Now, if you know me - or if you don't, and have been following me on Facebook or this blog for the past 5-7 years, you'll know that my word has been very ... INCONSISTENT .. for quite a while.  If you were listening to be back in December, you probably thought "that's a great idea!" and then followed it with "there's no way this guy is going to do this and stick to it".

And if you took a look at my life the past five years, you would be right to say that.  I have NOT been consistent.  I have NOT taken accountability for my health.  I could give you 30 reasons for why NOT, and zero for WHY I'm worth it.

But this is changing.

On January 1st, I showed up to run the "Chilly 5K" in Joplin.  The race starts, and I make my way up this hill.  Now, to a seasoned runner, this is just another hill.  Pretty intense, gets your heart going, but you make it to the top.  In racing terms - the best thing about climbing a hill is that when you get to the top, you get to make your way down.   Hills are the great equalizer.

But I didn't get to the top of the hill.  In fact, I got to about the .8 mile point of this 3.1 race, and my back had enough.  My nerve was hurting so bad that not only was I the last racer, I was leaning on every other car just to hold myself up.  The pace car behind me was waiting patiently for me, and I tried as hard as I could.  I'll never forget having my wife and kids cheering me on at this point - on the side of the road - and the look of concern on my little 5 year old son's face when I was in pain, limping, and just defeated.  As I walked past them, about in tears, it wasn't another 8 blocks or so before I gave up.  I had to stop, get into the pacer car and be driven all the way back to the start/ending line.

I have never been so embarrassed in my life.  Others have told me that "at least I was out there trying" and "never give up, we're proud of you for being out there when others are on the couch", but to me - at that point - that was probably worse than if they just looked at me with their looks of pity.

My 12 races in 12 months was over before it even started - by 9am on January 1st, I was a dead man walking.

But something happened.

I signed up for the Cupid 5K in February, just knowing that I HAD to finish this race.  I had done 5k's before, I know I could do one.  Long story made short, I finished strong after training, and after February, March and April, I was in a stride, and finished each of the races, bettering myself by 3 minutes with each finish.

But then laziness set in.  I stopped training.  My eating got bad.  God only knows why I do this to myself, but every ounce of success had drained itself out of my body, and by the May race, I had the longest time of all my races, and finished dead last.  But I finished.   June, July, August?  Near the back of the pack - if not last in all of them - but people started to notice.  Rob was finishing these races.  Instead of pity seeking, I was going out and doing what I was supposed to be doing.

My mindset changed.  I was still last - but my thoughts went from "you suck, Rob.  You're last again", to "damn right, you finished another one".

So, my September race was this weekend.  What was different about this one was, instead of a 5k (3 miles), this was a FOUR mile race.  To me, that's a big deal.  When I've been struggling to get to 3.1, this meant I had a whole other mile I had to race.

They had a PREVIEW RUN two weeks prior to the race - if you don't know what that is - it's basically where these amazing runners just go out and try the course for fun - get used to the hills, give it a try, and be able to hang out with other awesome runners.  When I walked up to the group, I looked around and my insecurities started flooding back.    As I looked around, I saw these lean, mean, running machines.  Skinny, muscular, strong.  And here I am, with my 450 pound body and my 5XL shirt, waddling towards the start line.

And then the predictable happened.

We all took off towards the first turn, and after about 100 yards, I'm already in last place.  And then the hills came.  The first two miles were pretty much an uphill climb the entire way.  By the 1/2 mile point, I don't even see the people ahead of me.  It had turned into a solo run, as if I was just out there on my own.  As these hills hit, my back and feet and knee and legs and ... well, the entire body, started to shut down.  I had my hands on my knees every 50 feet.  I was literally holding onto mailboxes to hold myself up.  I was toast, I was in the middle of nowhere, and the worst part?  The only way I was getting home was to walk the rest of the course.  

I was in nowheresville, USA.

So, I'm about 2 1/2 miles in - about 1 1/2 left.  This runner comes towards me on the other side of the road, I figured he was just going to wave on his way by.  But he stops and walks with me.  And then another one.  And then a third.  The three of them walk with me, having good conversation and sharing their ICE COLD water (which I'm pretty sure came straight from the heavens) with me.  As we made it back, I used all of their ice water.  I felt bad about it, as I handed it back to him.

You know what that crazy dude did?  He took off running to the finish line (still a mile or so away), refilled the bottle and brought it back to me.

The guy ran two miles just to make sure *I* was hydrated.

Long story short, we made it to the end, I thanked them and we made our way to our own lives.

Two weeks later, the real race is scheduled (this past Saturday).   For two weeks, I dread this.  Can I do this again?  Will I be able to finish?  Will I be HOURS behind?  Why would I make them wait for me?  Can I do this?  Do I even want to?

But I've already done 8 months worth, and I am determined to get my 12.  And you can't get to 12 without getting to 9.

So, race day hits, and it's much cooler (oh, did I mention it was 98 degrees during the race preview run)?  Long story made short, I come in last again, but I felt MUCH better.  I didn't have to stop once, although my body wanted to.  The time I had during the preview run was about 1 hour and 40 minutes - my final time on this one was 1 hour, 17 minutes.  No one had to come to save me, and I had this poor police officer trailing me (sweeping the course to make sure we all make it there alive), and the guy had to watch the southbound end of a 450 pound northbound runner for 4 miles.

But, I finish.  In order to finish, you have to run around the high school.  I haven't seen anyone in front of me in about 3 miles (I come to find out later that the second to last person finished 13 minutes before me).  

So I come around the last corner, and I think to myself - dude... RUN this last part.  JOG it.  Just be like Nike and JUST DO IT.  So, I start to jog.  And as I come around the corner, there's 100 people waiting around the finish line, cheering me on.  Clapping and rooting me on as I finish this race.

They didn't have to wait.  They had all done their race - and many of them had been sitting there for almost literally an hour.  Heck, the dude that finished first did it in like 23 minutes, which means I was only beginning to start my SECOND mile when he finished his FOURTH.

And there he was, with everyone else, cheering me on.

Needless to say, I won't forget that feeling for a long time.

But that's not where the story ends.

I get onto Facebook the next day, and I get tagged by a guy named Gabe - he was one of the ones who came back to rescue me on the Preview Run.  This is what he posts on Facebook:

You can sit on the couch, and complain that your knees hurt, or your overweight, or your back hurts. Or you can do something about it.
I watch fast people run races, and try to catch other fast people in races. I am inspired by those people who can run very fast and or very far. 
But you know what gives me.the most motivation. The want to be more. People like Rob Tucker. He knows he is a large fella. He knows he will probably come in last place. But he has run a 5k every month this year. He does not get discouraged. He thanks those that wait for him to cross the finish line and has the biggest smile of anyone else.
Keep on keeping on Rob. You motivate me to be more every time I see you complete a race.

As I read that, I forced back tears.  And that's not something this guy does often (ok, I'll admit to tearing up during Undercover Boss, but that's it).

It gets over 100 likes on FB, all of which are voices of support from these racers in this racing community that I have the utmost respect for.  The ones make it look easy.  The ones who blow past me in the first 100 yards, and then come back and rescue me.

So, I post something on the Run Junkies page - this is a national group of runners who I follow - I'm just in awe of some of these folks.   Short and sweet:

My first 4 miler, not many 450 pounders finishing these things. Last place, but #1 on my weight class and I totally whooped everyone who was afraid to try this.

It blows up.

And when I saw blows up, I know what I'm talking about.  I do social media marketing for a living - I'm talking over 1600 likes in 2 hours.  As I type this, we're currently up to over 2300 likes on this post - and at the end of the day, I'm just this overweight schmuck trying to get by, and here are THOUSANDS of people, telling me how I inspire them, when in my eyes, that's completely backwards.  They are inspiring me, and yet, here they are, telling me otherwise.

Just a half hour ago, this dude named Dan that I've never once talked to sends me a message.  He created a picture based on my race photo.  It's probably one of the best pictures I've ever seen when it comes to racing, and it's based on me.

This is overwhelming.  I don't even know what to say.

But I do know what to do.

I'm going to keep on walking, until the walking turns to jogging.  And then the jogging turns to running.  And I have this incredible weight loss success story that I've been avoiding for 10 years now.

And then someday, I'm going to go do a preview run, finish my race, and then bring ice water to the guy who is struggling to find his way.  Because I will forever owe that to the racing community.

Stay tuned.  October is coming - I've got a race to prepare for.