#Inspire

I've decided to start blogging again - not what I've been doing on Facebook, but making an intentional, concentrated effort to record my health efforts.  There's been a lot happening lately, and I've thrown some of it on Facebook, but I want to keep this all together.

Why?

I've been doing this blog since 2006.

What has changed since then?

My weight has been in the 200's, then the 300's, and then the 400's.   I went through a divorce, and gained a ton of weight.   I earned a college degree in teaching.  I got married again.  I took on three kids.  I used that teaching degree to move my new family 800 miles away from every ounce of stability that I've ever know.  I was a damn good band director.  I was a damn bad band director.  I made a lot of mistakes, I bounced from 3 different music programs in Arkansas.  I moved back to Michigan.  I moved to Joplin, MO.  Elijah was born.  Olivia was born.  I found Jesus.

My life has been... well, something.   When I look in the mirror, I see someone who has made more mistakes than most, and I am very ashamed of a lot about my life.  But, at the same time, when I blink - I see someone who I in fact very proud of.

I'm a great dad to five kids, and I love them very much.  I'm an honorable husband who is very faithful to his wife, and I love her dearly.  I would, and will continue to do, every single thing that I can do for each one of them, no matter the cost.  My family is my world, and I'd like to think that I've done a pretty decent job raising them to know the difference between right and wrong.

But everything changes.  Everything ebbs and flows.    There have been goods.  There have been bads.  There have been big successes and big failures.

And through all of this - I can look back an entire decade at this blog and see what has worked, what hasn't worked, and perhaps find inspiration from each.

So, I want to get this blog going again.  I want to find people with the same ideals and help them chase them.  I want to inspire people, so in turn they can inspire me.

Let me tell you what has prompted me to do this.

First off - I've got my 40th birthday staring me in the face and I weigh 450 pounds or so.  I haven't stepped on a scale in over a month, but give or take, that's what I'm faced with.  That's the bad news.

The good news is, something incredible has been happening lately.  God has taken my wheel, when I felt like I couldn't steer my own life any longer, and he has been putting things into place.  Let me catch you all up.

In December of 2015, I opened up my big mouth and said that I was going to "run a 5K every month in the year 2016".  That meant that each month, I would sign up for a race and do it.  Every month.  For 12 months.  The fees, the races, the training, everything that would go with it.

Now, if you know me - or if you don't, and have been following me on Facebook or this blog for the past 5-7 years, you'll know that my word has been very ... INCONSISTENT .. for quite a while.  If you were listening to be back in December, you probably thought "that's a great idea!" and then followed it with "there's no way this guy is going to do this and stick to it".

And if you took a look at my life the past five years, you would be right to say that.  I have NOT been consistent.  I have NOT taken accountability for my health.  I could give you 30 reasons for why NOT, and zero for WHY I'm worth it.

But this is changing.

On January 1st, I showed up to run the "Chilly 5K" in Joplin.  The race starts, and I make my way up this hill.  Now, to a seasoned runner, this is just another hill.  Pretty intense, gets your heart going, but you make it to the top.  In racing terms - the best thing about climbing a hill is that when you get to the top, you get to make your way down.   Hills are the great equalizer.

But I didn't get to the top of the hill.  In fact, I got to about the .8 mile point of this 3.1 race, and my back had enough.  My nerve was hurting so bad that not only was I the last racer, I was leaning on every other car just to hold myself up.  The pace car behind me was waiting patiently for me, and I tried as hard as I could.  I'll never forget having my wife and kids cheering me on at this point - on the side of the road - and the look of concern on my little 5 year old son's face when I was in pain, limping, and just defeated.  As I walked past them, about in tears, it wasn't another 8 blocks or so before I gave up.  I had to stop, get into the pacer car and be driven all the way back to the start/ending line.

I have never been so embarrassed in my life.  Others have told me that "at least I was out there trying" and "never give up, we're proud of you for being out there when others are on the couch", but to me - at that point - that was probably worse than if they just looked at me with their looks of pity.

My 12 races in 12 months was over before it even started - by 9am on January 1st, I was a dead man walking.

But something happened.

I signed up for the Cupid 5K in February, just knowing that I HAD to finish this race.  I had done 5k's before, I know I could do one.  Long story made short, I finished strong after training, and after February, March and April, I was in a stride, and finished each of the races, bettering myself by 3 minutes with each finish.

But then laziness set in.  I stopped training.  My eating got bad.  God only knows why I do this to myself, but every ounce of success had drained itself out of my body, and by the May race, I had the longest time of all my races, and finished dead last.  But I finished.   June, July, August?  Near the back of the pack - if not last in all of them - but people started to notice.  Rob was finishing these races.  Instead of pity seeking, I was going out and doing what I was supposed to be doing.

My mindset changed.  I was still last - but my thoughts went from "you suck, Rob.  You're last again", to "damn right, you finished another one".

So, my September race was this weekend.  What was different about this one was, instead of a 5k (3 miles), this was a FOUR mile race.  To me, that's a big deal.  When I've been struggling to get to 3.1, this meant I had a whole other mile I had to race.

They had a PREVIEW RUN two weeks prior to the race - if you don't know what that is - it's basically where these amazing runners just go out and try the course for fun - get used to the hills, give it a try, and be able to hang out with other awesome runners.  When I walked up to the group, I looked around and my insecurities started flooding back.    As I looked around, I saw these lean, mean, running machines.  Skinny, muscular, strong.  And here I am, with my 450 pound body and my 5XL shirt, waddling towards the start line.

And then the predictable happened.

We all took off towards the first turn, and after about 100 yards, I'm already in last place.  And then the hills came.  The first two miles were pretty much an uphill climb the entire way.  By the 1/2 mile point, I don't even see the people ahead of me.  It had turned into a solo run, as if I was just out there on my own.  As these hills hit, my back and feet and knee and legs and ... well, the entire body, started to shut down.  I had my hands on my knees every 50 feet.  I was literally holding onto mailboxes to hold myself up.  I was toast, I was in the middle of nowhere, and the worst part?  The only way I was getting home was to walk the rest of the course.  

I was in nowheresville, USA.

So, I'm about 2 1/2 miles in - about 1 1/2 left.  This runner comes towards me on the other side of the road, I figured he was just going to wave on his way by.  But he stops and walks with me.  And then another one.  And then a third.  The three of them walk with me, having good conversation and sharing their ICE COLD water (which I'm pretty sure came straight from the heavens) with me.  As we made it back, I used all of their ice water.  I felt bad about it, as I handed it back to him.

You know what that crazy dude did?  He took off running to the finish line (still a mile or so away), refilled the bottle and brought it back to me.

The guy ran two miles just to make sure *I* was hydrated.

Long story short, we made it to the end, I thanked them and we made our way to our own lives.

Two weeks later, the real race is scheduled (this past Saturday).   For two weeks, I dread this.  Can I do this again?  Will I be able to finish?  Will I be HOURS behind?  Why would I make them wait for me?  Can I do this?  Do I even want to?

But I've already done 8 months worth, and I am determined to get my 12.  And you can't get to 12 without getting to 9.

So, race day hits, and it's much cooler (oh, did I mention it was 98 degrees during the race preview run)?  Long story made short, I come in last again, but I felt MUCH better.  I didn't have to stop once, although my body wanted to.  The time I had during the preview run was about 1 hour and 40 minutes - my final time on this one was 1 hour, 17 minutes.  No one had to come to save me, and I had this poor police officer trailing me (sweeping the course to make sure we all make it there alive), and the guy had to watch the southbound end of a 450 pound northbound runner for 4 miles.

But, I finish.  In order to finish, you have to run around the high school.  I haven't seen anyone in front of me in about 3 miles (I come to find out later that the second to last person finished 13 minutes before me).  

So I come around the last corner, and I think to myself - dude... RUN this last part.  JOG it.  Just be like Nike and JUST DO IT.  So, I start to jog.  And as I come around the corner, there's 100 people waiting around the finish line, cheering me on.  Clapping and rooting me on as I finish this race.

They didn't have to wait.  They had all done their race - and many of them had been sitting there for almost literally an hour.  Heck, the dude that finished first did it in like 23 minutes, which means I was only beginning to start my SECOND mile when he finished his FOURTH.

And there he was, with everyone else, cheering me on.

Needless to say, I won't forget that feeling for a long time.

But that's not where the story ends.

I get onto Facebook the next day, and I get tagged by a guy named Gabe - he was one of the ones who came back to rescue me on the Preview Run.  This is what he posts on Facebook:

You can sit on the couch, and complain that your knees hurt, or your overweight, or your back hurts. Or you can do something about it.
I watch fast people run races, and try to catch other fast people in races. I am inspired by those people who can run very fast and or very far. 
But you know what gives me.the most motivation. The want to be more. People like Rob Tucker. He knows he is a large fella. He knows he will probably come in last place. But he has run a 5k every month this year. He does not get discouraged. He thanks those that wait for him to cross the finish line and has the biggest smile of anyone else.
Keep on keeping on Rob. You motivate me to be more every time I see you complete a race.

As I read that, I forced back tears.  And that's not something this guy does often (ok, I'll admit to tearing up during Undercover Boss, but that's it).

It gets over 100 likes on FB, all of which are voices of support from these racers in this racing community that I have the utmost respect for.  The ones make it look easy.  The ones who blow past me in the first 100 yards, and then come back and rescue me.

So, I post something on the Run Junkies page - this is a national group of runners who I follow - I'm just in awe of some of these folks.   Short and sweet:

My first 4 miler, not many 450 pounders finishing these things. Last place, but #1 on my weight class and I totally whooped everyone who was afraid to try this.

It blows up.

And when I saw blows up, I know what I'm talking about.  I do social media marketing for a living - I'm talking over 1600 likes in 2 hours.  As I type this, we're currently up to over 2300 likes on this post - and at the end of the day, I'm just this overweight schmuck trying to get by, and here are THOUSANDS of people, telling me how I inspire them, when in my eyes, that's completely backwards.  They are inspiring me, and yet, here they are, telling me otherwise.

Just a half hour ago, this dude named Dan that I've never once talked to sends me a message.  He created a picture based on my race photo.  It's probably one of the best pictures I've ever seen when it comes to racing, and it's based on me.

This is overwhelming.  I don't even know what to say.

But I do know what to do.

I'm going to keep on walking, until the walking turns to jogging.  And then the jogging turns to running.  And I have this incredible weight loss success story that I've been avoiding for 10 years now.

And then someday, I'm going to go do a preview run, finish my race, and then bring ice water to the guy who is struggling to find his way.  Because I will forever owe that to the racing community.

Stay tuned.  October is coming - I've got a race to prepare for.

Keeping the momentum

Quick one,  only because I need to get some sleep.   Wanted to stay accountable after day 2.

Good stuff today. 

Sucked it up and was up at 430, on the eliptical at the gym before 4:55am.   Went to bible study.  Wor.k.  Olivia dance class.

Wiped but ate good.   Slipped a little and had a piece of pizza at Sams today when shopping but make clean choices all around and ended up at 2500 calories for the day.  Grilled chicken and roasted cauliflower for dinner.

More thoughtful stuff tomorrow when I'm not frustrated with half asleep auto correct.   Skipping the gym in the morning because I have my afternoon running group tomorrow.  Until then!

The Third Act

"The Third Act".

I have been working on the same draft of a post for this blog for the past week.  Literally, I have saved it, didn't like it, redone it, and continued to not post it.

Fast forward to today.

I've been telling my wife that I need to do something.  I'm doing a lot of talking, but no action.  I'm doing a lot of research, and not a lot of positive eating and exercise.  Basically, I'm doing a lot of talk, and no action.

I'm going to have a pretty long blog here - but stay with me on this one.  There's some good, well thought out stuff in here and it'll be much more organized than some of my past few pout-fests.

First off, I deleted that draft that I have been working on.  I had a realization today.  That draft was chock full of complaining, blaming and self pity. Excuses for failure, and a call for sympathy.  I don't need that, and the "poor me" shirt doesn't look very good on me.

God's got a funny way to show me things that have been right in front of me.  This afternoon, I started reading my old blog, http://icanseemytoes.blogspot.com - hoping to find motivation.  Perhaps I could inspire myself with something I was doing right in the past.

Ironically, it wasn't until I came across a post in January of 2015 that something caught my eye.

Check this out.

First off,  this was a post that I made about joining the Red Sea running team.  I was hopeful, and made mentions about how many times I"ve failed, but ... THIS TIME .. .I was going to be successful.

Again.

I've gone this route fifty times.

Fail.  Promise to succeed.  Fail.  Promise to succeed.

Wash, rinse and repeat.

This was back in January.  It's September now.  For those who are keeping score, that's nine more months of empty promises and lack of TRUE effort.

But this post isn't what is important.  I noticed that I had a simple "ONE COMMENT" on this blog.  Who would be commenting on this blog?  Did I miss a pity "you can do it this time!" from a friend nine months ago?

So I clicked on it.   And this is what I found.


-----------------

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey man, I'm a regular Anonymous Joe who stumbled across, and read your stockpile of blogs. Let me tell you, it was pretty inspiring for a while there.

Then everything went to crap. I'd ask "what happened" but you pretty much spelled it out on these pages. It's all a real "rise and fall" story. Not to minimize your struggles but Scarface immediately comes to mind.

Anyway, you're a pretty good writer...maybe even a borderline great one. So is Billy, and so is Kevin. In the end, the Coalition's ability to tell compelling stories really kept me engaged in a way that few other internet blogs have. Everything you've written would make for a pretty sizzling memoir. If you haven't considered writing one, maybe it's time to do so.

But there's a problem. You see, it ends on the fall. The crumbling of the kingdom you'd built. Nobody likes a story that ultimately compels them to play in traffic.

Maybe Scarface was a bad analogy. You know, at the end, I was sort of glad to see Tony get his. To see his empire fall. After all, he alienated everyone close to him, and even killed his best friend. You're different. I didn't want to see you get blasted with fat-bullets and fall head over ass over a balcony into a marble fountain filled with butter. You see, I was rooting for you. I was fine with how Scarface ended. The end here, on this blog, frickin sucks.

You can change that. You can battle those addictions. You can write an end to your story that doesn't involve three double cheeseburgers beating you into submission like a Colombian hit squad.

Anyway, if you decide to tackle your problem once and for all, we'll be reading.

The mind is an incredibly powerful thing. Tap into that SHEER WILL that lays within it, and resides in all of us, even if in small amounts.

And most importantly,lean on God. Get on your knees, beg for direction. Read Isaiah 40:31. And remember, In Christ ALL THINGS are possible.

Peace!

PS - I've got an addiction as well (man, that sounds creepy...don't worry, it's nothing illegal). But yeah, it's a thorn in my side I've never been able to remove. If you decide to shake your addiction, and I read about it here, maybe some Anonymous Joe in the Internet ether will finally decide to shake his.

--------


Holy crap.

I read it three .... no, four times.

This stranger put into words what I haven't been able to in the past 8 years of this blog.  Why have I failed?  What did I do?

He compared me to Scarface.

That's so cool.  Except for he dies at the end.  And this great kingdom that he built crumbled at the end at his own hands.

I don't want to be Scarface.

I'm not going to make promises though and continue to watch my kingdom crumble.  I refuse to be the one who "get blasted with fat-bullets and fall head over ass over a balcony into a marble fountain filled with butter."  (I mean, c'mon.  Amazing line, but I don't want it to be me).

So, how so how do I make it any different?  How do I keep myself on the balcony, safe and sound?

I was motivational as I built my first act.

My second act has last years, filled with regret and woulda-coulda-shoulda.

What will my third act be?

I'm not going to just talk about it.  Here's a few things that I've realized.

After looking at the blog, I looked at how many times I've posted during the years.  This is what I see:

►  2015 (2)
►  2014 (4)
►  2009 (1)
►  2008 (118)
►  2007 (346)
►  2006 (33)

Do you see what I see?

In the years I succeeded (206-2008), the posts were WAY up.  Note, that in 2006, I started posting on Thanksgiving weekend.

Right around the middle of 2008, I went through a divorce, a life change, moved out of my house and onto my brother's couch, gave up my job to student teach and basically my life was turned inside out.  I never got it back.

So, the first thing I'm going to do to hold myself ACCOUNTABLE is that I'm going to record my calories and post a blog every day.  Even if there's not a lot of news to report, I have to get back into the habits of THINKING and PAYING ATTENTION to my weight.  It's when I stop thinking about it, just 'going through the day without accountability', when I slip further down the slippery slide.

What's the second thing?

This is where I go from posting on a blog to asking for you to reach through this computer and help hold me up.

I need accountability partners.

Not just someone who will send me a thoughtful "you can do it!" post once in a while - not that those are bad, please do those too.

I need a few of you to keep me accountable.  Call me.  Check up on me.  Meet me during the week.  Call me at 5am to make sure that I'm getting up to go to the gym.  Text me back at 7am and ask me for the picture of me in the gym to prove that I didn't just lay in bed.  Someone who will sit down with me on a Sunday and make sure I go through my meal list for the week.

Anonymous Joe quoted Isaiah 40:31:

31 but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
    they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
    they shall walk and not faint.

I offer to you another verse, Ecclesiastes 4:10

For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!

If you're willing to be an accountability partner - mostly those who are here in town and can meet up with me, but also those away from here who can call or text over time, please let me know.  I will do the same for you for anything you may need from me.

Starting Monday, I will do this.  I have to.  Tomorrow's church, and I've got a lot to think about before Monday, because it's time to start this third act.  You know, the one where the main character seems like there's no way out, but somehow, through the Grace of God, rises up and wins?

The curtain rises on Monday.

Dante's Inferno

It's funny - usually, when I see that I haven't blogged here in a while, that usually means that something is wrong, or I'm avoiding something.  But tonight, there's good news.

I've mentioned my joining the Red Sea - the running group out of Joplin.  These guys have been amazing.  Supportive, helpful - and just flat out motivating.

I was given the honor of being able to speak to the group of 160 tonight.  While I wished I had an hour to talk about the rises and falls of my life and share the full testimony of how I've gotten to where I was, I was blessed by being able to share a shred of it.

I did something I haven't done in many, many years tonight.  Our goal was to TOLL (time on lungs and legs) for 1.25 miles today.  Run, walk, whatever - just move.  In the past, I've been a walker that throws a salt's taste of jogging into the mix.  Last week, I was able to go about .44 miles without stopping.  I told myself I wanted to do the 1/2 mile without stopping.

Our track is 1/4 mile - so, easy math says that would be 2 rounds.  My legs were on fire by the end of the second one, but I was talking to God the entire time.  Asking for strength for just one more lap.  And he gave it to me.  3/4 mile.

Then, something happened.

As I got to the end of that, I thought to myself - .. "heck, only one more lap and that's a MILE."

So I did it.  Legs on fire.

And then I thought.. the job was only to go 1.25 miles.. "can I do that?"

So I did it.  Legs in a scorching inferno.

And THEN I thought.. could I go above and beyond?  Could I go an even 1 1/2 miles... non stop... jogging the ENTIRE time?

...


And then I did it.

Lava legs.

So, I've officially been able to do just under half a 5k nonstop.  I can't remember the last time, if ever, I've been able to do that.

I was talking to Tom tonight afterwards, and he said something that really got me thinking.  He said that when pain is above fear, failure is possible.  It's not until fear overtakes pain where success happens.

I'm scared.  I'm scared that I'm going to fail my little babies, and my wife.  I'm scared that by the time I'm forty, I won't be able to walk.  Or talk.  Or have my heart beat.

I am ready to fight that fear.  Perhaps that's what has been missing this entire time.

In the words of the Red Sea ... DRAGO!

@QUITquitting

Brutal Honesty Time

September 11th. 

That's the last time I posted on this page. Honestly, it's probably the last time I did anything to help myself towards my personal health, too. 

There have been so many times I've dropped the ball on this in the past 10 years that I have stopped counting. Some of you guys have seen me do it so many times that you can pretty much predict when, and why I fail.

Honestly, it's frustrating here - but I'm not going to give up. Let me just ramble here for a while, let's see where it goes.

I eat because I'm lazy. I'm unstructured. I have 5 kids from the ages of 2 (3 on Wednesday!) to 17, and it's hard enough to keep food in the fridge, let alone the healthy stuff.

I have good intentions. I want to do the right thing. Hell, I've done it before. Back in the day I had a weight loss blog calledhttp://icanseemytoes.blogspot.com/ that I posted on all the time. In 2006, I was working out, being super healthy, doing the right things, and went from almost 400 pounds down to about 244. All by eating right, moving right, and inspiring others to do the same. I hosted weight loss challenges, contests, the whole deal. I was on the ball.

Then, I went through a divorce. I remember one day during that period where I was so proud of myself - losing weight was not only becoming easy, but I was inspiring others. I was doing great.

I remember something my later-to-be ex wife said to me during our falling out period. Why this sticks with me, I don't know. I don't hate her for it, and I know neither of us were very good with our words back then. But, I remember her telling me -

... "I hope you gain all your weight back, plus some".

I think she said it because she wanted to hurt me with words, the same way that I had done to her so many times. Why this stuck with me, I don't know. However, the worst part about it - part of the reason I feel so guilty about being the weight that I am now is, she was exactly right and her wish came true.

I was about 260 pounds or so then. The largest I had ever been in the past was 389.

Today, I sit here posting this blog at 425.

I wasn't sure I was going to post that anywhere. Frankly, it's embarrasing and a sign of myself as a failure.

I have these kids who look up to me - not only my five kids, but other kids in the church. The youth group guys that hang with my older kids. The little ones that are friends with my little ones.

I feel like I'm failing all of them. And also, I feel like I'm failing my wife.

Hoping to not get too personal here, my marriage has been struggling lately. Not the "D" word struggle, but just the day in and day outs. We are no longer the happy couple that goes out on walks, the fun couple who makes sure we spend time with each other. We don't manage our time the way we used to, so that we could make time for each other. Whether we are working, taking care of kids, making sure that we are at the church to help with A, B or C - whatever it is, we aren't doing what's right for our marriage.

If I'm being 100% honest with myself, that's my fault. I don't want to admit it, because I know I'm at fault. I'm angry all of the time. I jump down the teenagers' throats because of chores, or homework, or curfews.. I don't feel close to my wife because of reason A, or reason B. I find fault in things that honestly.... aren't worthy to fault.

I am angry all of the time. I am angry even when I dream - I have crazy dreams where I'm angry at my wife, angry at my kids - angry at work, home.. everywhere. I can't even explain it. It's beyond rediculous, and it's affecting every aspect of my life.

Not until recently have I figured out the "WHY" to all of this.

The WHY has been obvious to me for so long, yet I have chosen to ignore it.

WHY?

Because I hate what I look like in that mirror. I hate that I struggle to climb out of bed. I hate that I avoid going to my kid's classroom at the church because it's up a flight of stairs and frankly, I'd rather skip the steps. I hate that I get winded walking around a store. I hate that my clothes - the same clothes that I ONLY SAVED because I wanted a reminder of the size I used to be and I promised myself that I would never wear again - those same 4XL shirts that were WAY TOO BIG for me years ago, are getting tight on me.

I hate that I am failing my wife and not being the healthy example to her and my kids.

I hate myself.

So, I turn to you. When I started this blog I didn't have plans to put that all out there. But, here it is - 105wpm later, I'm pouring it out there.

Today I start a new Run for God program with an amazing group of folks that I have never met. I've been following them - they're called the Red Sea, and I'm going to rely on them for motivation and strength that honestly, I don't have myself. Honestly, I'm afraid to go and start this program, because I don't want to add this to the list of things that I have failed at over the past 10 years. But, I need this. I need to get off my rear end, look in the mirror, and feel proud of myself again.

So, keep me accountable. I better be at College Heights by 6pm tonight. Freezing weather, insecurities and all. I'm not doing this for a New Year's Resolution. I'm doing this because I'm tired of lying to myself, and my wife and kids being the ones to take the fall for it.

https://www.facebook.com/theTuckRule

Feeling Crippled

There's a few roadblocks I'm running into here.  I'm hoping for some serious feedback.

First off, and perhaps the most important - I'm getting into that lull where the weight bouncing up and down, along with my lack of knowledge (and commitment) to eating clean is causing frustration.

I'm finding it hard to eat right.  I'm not sure how else to say it.  With the schedule, the kids back to school and my wife and my work schedules pretty much opposite - and then add a few very serious life issues, and I'm having a hard time prioritizing eating when everything else is crazy.  However, I'm well aware that if I don't start eating right and exercising and doing what I need to do, I'll have much bigger problems than the ones I'm facing now.

The second thing is pretty frustrating, but there's not much I can do about it except fight through.  A week and a half ago (2 Wednesdays ago), I walk/ran my most recent 5k.  I tested the course that we will be running when we make it official in September.

I was hurting more than normal most of the way, so I did more walking than running.  I was about 5 minutes or so off my 'best' pace, but I didn't worry about that.  As far as I'm concerned, it's about finishing, and not how long it takes.

I was literally a block and a half from the finish line, and I feel something pop in my right hip.  Couldn't run anymore, and could barely walk.  Very thankful that I was only a block away from the church.  That being said, I talked to a guy, was told to ice it, etc, and that made it feel a bit better.  However, I skipped my first Wednesday run last week (I've been perfect attendance the entire program), and I haven't gone for a walk/run since.

Frankly, as I sit and type this, I can feel my heartbeat in my right hip.  It isn't a death pain, but it's enough to hurt pretty consistently.  I haven't been able to run, and honestly, I'm a bit scared to try.  I'll give it time.  Some say to have it checked at the doc, but the response I'm afraid I'll get it "You're fat, you need to take it easy".

So, between the poor eating (ok, not poor, but probably C- work), along with a total lack of exercise, and I feel like I'm totally failing.

I'm frustrated.  Any real advice out there for the fat guy tonight?

August Goals

This isn't going to be a LONG blog, but it's going to be meaningful.

It takes 28 days to create a habit.  I want to create a healthy lifestyle, and healthy habits.

Tom Rogers - who runs for the Red Sea, an amazing and meaningful running group out of Joplin (the same guy who willingly purchased a pair of shoes for my wife and I - over $100 each... and did I mention that he and I have NEVER met?), said something on Facebook today about wanting to run 200 miles in August.

Now, I don't think I can do 500 - I'm still learning, but I went back into my pedometer to see actually how far I have walked the past few months.  It was pretty good compared to what I THOUGHT it would be - but that only confirms that I know I am capable of big things if I really put my mind and effort towards it.

In June, my pedometer (after some crazy math) told me that I had moved 111.66 miles in the month.  That averages out to 3.72 miles a day.  Now, this isn't just intentional running or walking on tracks.  This is walking to the fridge and the bathroom.  This is walking to the car to go to work.  This is walking through the grocery store.

But, it's moving.  It's not sitting on the couch.

July's numbers were a bit better.   This is no surprise, as I have been getting up and moving more.  I did three 5k's over the course of the past 9 days, and I went on an intentional after dinner 1 mile walk last night.  I'll be doing more of that, and I'll talk more about that later.  July's pedometer recorded a total of 128.64 miles - or an average of 4.19 miles a day.

So, getting back to Tom.  This guy is talking about doing 50k and 100k runs.  I'm nowhere near that.  However, I know because he spoke at our church about a month or two ago that he wasn't always there either.  He had his own personal demons (as I do with my eating obsession), and he chose to fight them off.  Running was his path out, and I think that God is telling me that I need to do something similar.

From what I'm gathering from his Facebook (stalker, much?), he is setting a goal of running 200 miles this month.  I think that's awesome.  According to my numbers, I moved 128 miles.  Over the course of when I started writing this blog last night and this morning, I have realized that my 128 miles and his 128 miles did not equal out.  His are intentional - "I'm going out to run or walk" - the walks to the fridge don't count in his book.

But he's inspired me.  I'm going to be setting a few goals today, and I'm going to hope that you all keep me accountable to follow them throughout the month of August.  

My first goal is my "INTENTIONAL" miles.  These are the miles that I will intentionally step out of the house, set my MapMyRun app up, and record the miles that I go out and spend on the roads or trails.    Last month, I had about 13-14 of those types of miles.  I ran on Wednesday nights, and very occasional on and off again walks with the family.

My "INTENTIONAL" miles goal for this month is going to be 30 miles.  With August having 30 days, that means I plan on walking an intentional ONE MILE A DAY.  I know that I will not have 30 days in a row that I have the chance to go out and do my mile.  Between my wife and my schedule, along with the older kids' schedules and having 2 babies, I won't have a time tonight to go out and get it.  But, that doesn't mean that I can't do TWO tomorrow.   So, goal one:  30 Intentional Miles in August.

My second goal is my "PEDOMETER" miles.  These miles gauge my overall movement during the course of a day.  I've had 0.96 and 0.11 mile days (although I think the 0.11 mile day I didn't have my phone on me all day, to be honest), and I had 12.09, 9.92 and a few 10 mile days.  My trend the past two months was 3.7 miles in June per day and 4.14 miles a day in July.

My "PEDOMETER" miles goal is to run 5 miles a day - or 150 miles over the month of August.  That means I need to keep my phone in my pocket and make better choices about how I move.  If I'm at work, I need to stand up more instead of always sitting down.  I need to park farther in the grocery store parking lot.  And frankly, I need to up my "intentional" miles - that'll be the biggest focus.

So, here I go.   I was talking to a few of you who have similar weight loss goals, and I encourage you to start a blog, a Facebook page, or any other way to keep yourself accountable.  I'll cheer you on the way you've cheered me on.  Whatever it takes, I'm going to be healthy for my family.  One day at a time, right?