Life Is Meant To Be Enjoyed

Note: New pictures on the right column, comparing mid December to this past weekend.

Weigh In: 301

Well, today's me and my wife's anniversary. 2 great years, and she hasn't killed me.. yet. My goal was to get under 300 by April 30th, and I can say that I actually did weigh in once a few days ago under 300 with my 299 a few days back, and after taking a 3 day break (I did work out up north but I probably consumed about 2800-3000 calories a day), I pretty much maintained, and kept close to the 300 barrier.

I feel refreshed right now, mentally and physically.

So, this is what I've learned in the past five months.

You have to set goals. You have to challenge yourself. You have to work as hard as you possibly can until you feel like you can't work any harder. But then, you have to let go for a while. You have to be able to relax, and take some time to yourself. I'm one of those guys who work out 6, sometimes 7 days a week. My calories are pushed to the smallest of the limits. I have no 'medium' speed - it's either full speed or off. But I think that we have to keep this in perspective too.

As I read around the Coalition of us who are doing this weight loss thing, I see a lot of similarities. I see us getting frustrated with our plateaus at the same time. I see us celebrating our successes on the scale. I love it when I see people like Becky who is realizing her love for the outdoors. I think that sometimes we get so wrapped up in the scale, the weight loss process, and the numbers (guilty!) that we forget why we do this in the first place.

For guys like Kevin and I, we started off wanting to lose 100 pounds, and we're pretty much both at the halfway point. We're talking about five months. It took us years to put this weight on, and in five months, we've gone from the guy who sits on the couch and shovels embarrassingly obscene amounts of food into our mouths, to the guy who is conscious about what we look like, and what goes into our systems. We get down on ourselves when we fail, and we are overly hard on ourselves when we don't hit our goals when WE WANT to hit our goals.

So, why do I rant about this?

Because May is going to be "goal free". Nothing is going to change in my operation. I'm still in the gym 6-7 days a week. I'm still eating great. I'm feeling about as refreshed as the day that I started this.

But for one month, no "I have to hit my goal by _____". No "I need X amount of this.." or "I must do _____".

Just go out, work hard, and enjoy what the scale gives me.

Stress sucks. Weight loss ain't easy. Fighting the urge to eat those foods that inflated us the first time just sucks.

So why add stress about a number?

Here's what I'm more interested in:

November 22 - 354.
December 9 - 341.
January 31 - 330.5.
February 28 - 325.
March 31 - 312.
April 30 - 301
May 30 - Lower, and healthier.

Enjoy life. If you don't, what's the point of this weight loss process in the first place?

"GRAND" Weekend

Weigh In: No clue.

I'm writing this blog on my laptop while sitting in bed in our hotel room at the Grand Traverse Resort. For our anniversary, I've taken Erin to this Spa/Resort, with a Wine Trail - where you go to different wineries and try the different wines. I'm not much of a wine guy, but it's growing on me.

So, today I didn't work out, but I found out that there's a gym here, so you can count on me being there tomorrow. I ate "ok", about 2800 calories today. Not great, but definitely not as bad as I could have been when there was free cheeses, unlimited wine and chocolate truffles, breads, chocolate covered strawberries - you name it. This chef had a HUGE spread, and I was reasonable about it. So, 2800 could have quite easily have been 4800 if I hadn't have made the right decisions. So, a victory. Small one, but I'll take it.

Tomorrow we're going on the Wine Trail, where we're taking a tour of 6 wineries in the area, where they drive us around and we get the whole tour and everything. It'll be fun, and then there's a full blown dinner party tomorrow night, so I'll have to be conscious of what I eat.

Also, on Sunday morning before we leave for home, we're getting a "Couple Massage", which is just basically us both being in the same room for 50 minutes getting this kick ass rubdown, so it's something that I need. A lot of it is the 'want', but the 'need' comes in when it comes to the stress I've been feeling. It's been out of hand, but now that my tough final is over (one more Monday), and I've got a weekend to just enjoy, I'm taking my best opportunity to recharge, and get ready for a big May.

So what's this mean?

It means that my batteries are recharging right now. Gary comes home from vacation this weekend too, so we're getting back into the workout routine Monday. I feel like, when this weekend is over, I'm starting over with a clean slate, and I will have the energy to make yet another huge push. This time, it's not about 300. It's about 250.

So, go enjoy your weekend. You know I'm going to ;)

Time To Relax

Weigh In: Who Cares?

I've decided to take a break. Now, before Erin or anyone else jumps on me, I don't mean a break from the gym or from eating healthy. I mean a break from the scale. It's been frustrating me to the point of no return, unhealthy stress, and anything else that can't be good.

So, I am skipping today's weigh-in (even if it was a 299), and I'm skipping it tomorrow too. Hell, I'm going to skip it Saturday, and then I'll probably get back on the scale on Sunday, maybe Monday.

I've also decided that I'm going to go with the scale at the gym, because it's the one I've been going with since the beginning. Why change that just because I decided to bring an impostor into my house? If I wouldn't have bought the stupid thing, I wouldn't have been stressing out (ok, that's not true) about hitting under 300 - and I would have been able to enjoy it today when I saw 299 on the scale. The bottom line is, I've been looking for a excuse, a reason, whatever you want to call it, for not hitting 300 - and the thing that I've been missing is patience.

The scale break will be easy, because this weekend I'm taking my wife to ______________ for our 2nd anniversary this weekend. We're leaving tomorrow afternoon and will be returning in the middle of the day on Sunday. I'll tell you guys more about this when we get back, but it's a secret trip for her, so it's a secret trip for you guys too, for now. No worries, nothing illegal ;)

So, here's to a few days of well earned rest - right after my suicidal final tomorrow morning.

Oh, and here's to our newest FAT Member, Shalynn, from Oregon. She says she's not lost, but she just needs to be found. So, find her blog here, and show her the awesome support that the FAT Coalition has shown to me, and everyone else in the group. Welcome aboard, Shalynn!

Mind Games

Weigh In: Listen to this story...

This is a day where I should be thrilled.

So, the last week or so, my weight has been ALL over the place. You guys have seen me go to drastic measures (buying a new scale, eating McDonalds), you've seen me bitch and whine like a little girl, you've seen me change my mind about 30 times, you've heard me rant, rave and act like someone who doesn't know that weight loss isn't supposed to be easy.

Just yesterday I decided to go with the number on the scale that I bought. It was 6-10 pounds heavier, but I said I would just accept it. The scale I use at the gym (as Billy said, the weight-balance scales are pretty much the most accurate measure) has been bad to me, so I overreacted and bought a new scale. I don't know if that was me trying to get a better number, I don't know if it was me believing (or trying to believe?) that the scale at the gym wasn't working.. I don't know what it was.

So I stepped on the scale in the bathroom (the new one) right when I woke up this morning. It read 309.2. Frustrated, I went to the gym and did my step class. I came back home, stepped on the new scale again, and it just said 306.4.

But, as I have done EVERY SINGLE DAY since November 22nd, after my workout, I hit the showers, dried up, and stepped on the weight-balance scale at the gym.

I got 299.

I couldn't believe it. And, it's not even that "balance the weights until they just touch" cheating thing that I've been doing for the past month or so.

This was dead nuts center. I mean, if I did my cheating thing that I've been doing, I could have gotten it down to like 296 or 297.

So, this is my problem.

Do I celebrate the 299? Do I stick to the scale that just yesterday I swore would be my real number?

What the hell?

Advice - the blunt kind would be the best. I probably don't want to hear it, but I have a feeling I need it. I honestly don't know if I should be happy, mad, frustrated.. all I know is, even though I know you'll say "it's not about the number", to me it is. It always has been, and I don't think that'll change for me. So, that in mind.. thoughts?

Back to Business

Weigh In: 307.4 (new scale)

I'm just going to deal with the weight that I am, and realize that I can't do anything about it. The reason that I got the new scale is, I needed to see an exact number. The balanced weight scale in the gym allowed for too much flexibility, so this new digital is just what I've needed - an honest representation of what I weigh. I've gotten over the fact that different scales say different things, and I've dealt mentally with the higher number than I've been seeing.

But, as others have said, and I eluded to yesterday - I own that 45 pounds that I lost. No one can take that away from me.

I've been frustrated lately because of this whole "reaching 300 before the anniversary" thing. Hell, last month is was "under 300 by 30", which ended in March. I've been fighting for this damn number for two months now, and I'm still falling short.

The bottom line is, I'm going to get there. I'm not going to sit here and say that I'm not frustrated about it. If it wasn't for this blog and the following I'm getting on it - I probably would have binged the hell out of this week. McDonalds for one meal is one thing, but this is the time where I'd order the two large pizzas, and mow down about 2000 calories before the pizzas made it to my door.

It's easy for me to tell others to 'be patient', and that 'as long as you work hard, you're going to hit the goal', and that 'it doesn't matter when you hit the goal, as long as you hit it'. Giving advice is a piece of cake - it's the TAKING of that advice is tough.

So, I'm doing what I need to do. Working out, eating smarter - and that's all I can do. The number will fall.

Side note: I weighed in at 307.4 this morning, and I just stepped on the scale and got a 311.

The weight-loss God is testing me. I'll beat this.

The Burden of Reality

Sometimes, you just want to flip life the bird.

For the past few days, my workouts have been stale, my eating has been average, and my weight has been bouncing back and forth on a scale that I'm not so sure has been very accurate for me. For example, both yesterday and today I stepped on the scale and got fluctuating numbers. I'd step on it and get a 306, but then slide it over to the big 250 block instead of the 300 block and try to balance it out, and get roughly a 301 or 302.

The bottom line is, I need to get real numbers.

So, I went out and got a scale today. Calibrated, and figured that the number on the sliding gym scale may not match the number on the digital.

Reality hit me right in the face today when I stepped on the digital scale about 10 times tonight and got a fluctuation from 309 to 311. The cold hard facts are that I'm not as close to 300 as I thought.

But, taking the positive spin, since I've been on the same exact scale since November, I've STILL lost the 45 pounds that I've kept track of. That can't be taken away from me. It just seems as if my starting weight was higher than I had anticipated.

So, I'm going to remedy this tomorrow morning. I'm going to step on the scale when I wake up, and then again after step class (which will be about 90 minutes after I wake up), and then step on it again when I get home. If the numbers are about the same difference between each scale as they are now, I'll presume the accuracy, and start back with my actual numbers.

My "Fourth and X" number will stay the same, because I've still lost that much weight. As I said, it'll just be my starting number that'll go up, along with my current. So, that means I won't be hitting 299 this month.

This is very frustrating, but a natural part of the cycle that I have to accept.

Also, I've been struggling to drop the number again these past few days, so I did what I didn't really want to do. I went back to my graph, found the last time I was struggling with the weight, I checked for the last time I had a 'cheat' meal and studied my progress afterward. I had a large loss for about a week, so that's what I did today.

I had a double cheeseburger from McDonalds, a large fry and a McFlurry. About 1500 calories in one meal. I felt like crap all day because of it, and I've been physically ill most of the night for it. The good news is, my body knows the difference between healthy food and garbage, and is trying to reject the bad stuff. Hopefully, this will give my body the stimulus that it needs to really go for another push.

Frankly, I'm at the point where being over 300 just pisses me off. I've felt my attitude towards being 300+ go from an apathy, to a goal, to an annoyance. Every time I see that number stay put, I'm starting to get a bit angry about it.

So, whether I'm 303, 306, 309, or 311 tomorrow, that's what my number is. The only thing that I can do is channel that anger, and turn it into workout fuel.

I'll update the numbers on the tickers and such tomorrow accordingly.

Monday Weigh In - Stressed Out

Weigh In: 303.5
Five Day Average: 304.1

It's been an interesting few days. After getting a pretty big dip to 303, I've experienced a 4 day yo-yo, with weigh ins of 306, 303, 306, 303.5. My average dips to 304.1, which is definitely something I can't complain about, but with today's 303.5, that means I've got 7 days to drop 4 pounds. Probably not going to happen, but if it does, I'll be pretty pumped about it.

I'm starting to realize something about myself. I am constantly adding stresses and almost unattainable goals to my life. Between my school situation, my work situation, my home situation, my marriage, my friends, my weight loss goals.. it seems like I'm always setting deadlines and goals.

On one hand, it's great to set these goals because it gives me something to fight for. I mean, setting a goal of 2000 minutes of exercise a month has helped me some days, because when I'm about 40 minutes into a workout and I know in the back of my head that I need 65 to keep my average right, I'll go get 20 more minutes. I'm like that when it comes to my goals.

On the other hand, I've been feeling the pressures lately, and I think it's starting to get to me. For instance, this weekend I spent probably 15 hours on my feet, crawling around the house, up and down stairs, lifting, pushing.. you name it, working my ass off with my dad trying to put up ceiling fans, exhaust fans, new fixtures, mowing the lawn.. you get the idea.

While I'm doing this, here I am getting all pissed off and stressed out because I'm not in the gym 'clocking minutes for my goal'.

In my personal life, it's Finals week, so you can imagine THOSE stresses, and then you add to that my work schedule, and the goals that I set to 'overacheive' at work, and you've got a guy who (if I had hair) was pulling his hair out - and I feel like I'm adding extra stresses where there doesn't need to be stresses.

Such is life, I suppose. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do about it, but I thought I would just use this blog to vent about things. In the past, stresses have led to the whole emotional eating thing... and I've been able to keep away from that for the most part.

So, the breakdown:

I'm at 304.1 for my 5 day average with a few 306's coming off before the next weigh-in. My anniversary is a week from today, I've got 2 final exams this week, I need to take the car into the shop, I've got to finish a few projects around the house this week that we weren't able to get totally complete this week, I've got a full week of work, and I'm planning something for the anniversary.

Meanwhile, I'll be in the gym tomorrow morning for Step Aerobics class around 5:45am.

The moral of the story: "Life happens.. sure beats the alternative, doesn't it?"