Weigh In: 278.5
Today's Grade: B+
I gave myself a B+ today because I think I did pretty well. I actually slept until 10am, which is UNHEARD of, and didn't eat until after noon (and a workout that I got in). I did good with my meals today and even made some good choices. For dinner we had Boston Market chicken, so I did well. My wife brought over the leftover cheesecake from yesterday, and I skipped it - instead opting for a Weight Watchers (2 points, not that I count them) ice cream bar.
I could have skipped the ice cream bar, but I was sitting at a table with everyone eating cheesecake, so to weight my options, I'd say I did well.
One thing Rebecca said tonight got me thinking. She was talking about what my motivation is, and she compared it to what I used to be in the past. Billy had said something about that as well.
I think the God honest truth is, I really don't "feel like" doing this right now. I don't have that ultimate motivation, and I really feel like sometimes I'm doing this whole weight loss thing "because I have to", and not "because I want to". It's been a constant struggle these past few months, and now that I've been thinking about it, I really feel that this may be why.
The good news is, even though I don't want to be doing this, I am anyways. In the past, this is where I lose it, I go crazy and re-gain everything I'd ever lost. We've all done that, we know that feeling. Because I feel accountable to you guys, maybe that's why I don't quit.
It's just the reality of the situation. I don't like it, but it is what it is.
I don't feel like having this major drive towards weight loss that includes 'great motivational speeches' and the fire in the gym that I've had in the past.
But I do it anyway. I'm trying to regain the drive to do it. And maybe it'll slowly grow like a stoked fire. Maybe one day I'll just click and it'll all happen just like it did in the past.
But maybe, I do it because I know I have to. There's a ton of things in this life that I won't want to do but I will do because it's best for me. This may very well be one of them.
So that's why I struggle. That's why nothing seems like a 'constant' for me. I've always tried to picture myself as the "next" Billy - the guy that just goes nuts and is completely changes his life. I thought that it would be easy, but I have a feeling that Billy would agree when I guess that his journey wasn't "easy".
I'm rambling now, but I wanted to get that out there. The good news out of all of this is that I'm getting to be aware of it, and I know what my enemy is. The better news is that I think that fire will eventually come back, and if I've proven to myself that I can do what I need to do when I don't want to - once I want to again, it'll be that much more success?
Is that stupid? Does it make sense? I don't even know, but that's what I'm thinking.
I'm going to win this thing, whether I like it or not.
13 comments:
Rob, I don't even know what to say. I completely understand what you're feeling. I've been there at times myself. You cannot bail though. I know you're not saying that you're going to, but you said that you've done that before. Maybe our get-together in December will help to remotivate you. Even if we don't do the Pistons thing, we will definitely all have to get together. I don't know why I think that will help your situation, but I'm hoping it does in some way.
When's the next 5k after Thanksgiving? I decided today that I'm just going to do it. Period.
I admire your openness, as always. I definitely think it's a sign of true character to do what you know is right when you don't feel like it. Whatever it is that's keeping you in the game, I'm glad. Hopefully the fire will come back.
Kristen - you should do the Thanksgiving one. From everything I've read, you're MORE than prepared. If not, that's ok - I think there's one New Year's Eve or something like that, there is always a ton of them. Jim and I will also be doing the Race for the Cure in May.
And to add to last night, I have no intentions of quitting, and that's never been an option to me. I think the whole reason I wrote this out last night was to kind of give a reason for why I'm "hot" one day, and "cold" the next. It's a day to day struggle because of this.
I would so do the Thanksgiving one, but I'm hosting dinner that day. I don't think that I'd be able to get everything done? What time do you think I'd be able to get home? and where is it?
Realistically, you'd be home by 10am at the latest, if we all hang out afterwards. The race starts at 8am, and you're done in 30-40 minutes, and then you just go home.
The traffic getting OUT of town is a piece of cake.
I totally understand where you are coming from. I was motivated as hell when I started this, especially when I started boxing this summer, then all hell broke loose when my wife left me and I have yet to find the motivation to get back on the horse. Plus side is the divorce diet is still working for me, I am about to drop below 280 (from 315), but it is kinda empty because I have not done anything to really do it. Stick with it... you are one of my biggest supporters on here and one of my biggest motivators.
There's nothing to say. True motivation and drive comes from deep within you. You need to look down deep and find it.
You'll pull out of this.
Success is doing it when you don't want to. Good job, Tuck. No one said that this would be easy, and lord knows I've had my days, but do what you do because you know it's what's right and you'll get there. It may not happen as quickly as you want it to, but fuck it, if you get there you've done what you wanted, and that's all that matters.
I so hear you on this post Rob. I kind of feel like I am in the same situation. the whole going through the motions. I am having a hard time being committed both mentally and physically. Like you said kind of a battle everyday. My diet hasn't been bad but it hasn't been good enough to really loose weight. I am with you in saying I am not quiting nor has it crossed my mind. Just keep hoping I am going through a slump and that things will pick up for those of us that are somewhat struggling. Billy is right though is saying it comes from within. We just got to re-find it.
Rob this post is probably one of the best things you could have ever done. You were open and honest not just with us but first with yourself. If we cant be honest about whats really going on we can never find change. You just took a huge step. I wish I knew what it was that could light your fire, set your motivation ablaze because I'd be all over making it happen for you. Keep soul searching and youll find it.
Just keep making progress. As long as you hold on to what you've already accomplished and don't fall back into unhealthy habits you can't lose. Keep on losing bad habits, gaining good ones, and staying consistent. Maybe mix up your workouts with something new, or find a workout partner that can help push you. You've inspired me to do what needs to be done, and I know you have it in you to finish the task at hand.
Tuck -
You've come way to far to allow yourself to slip and fall so drastically and undo all the good you've accomplished in the past year. We all hit dry spells and your candor will help you pull through it.
Maybe this will make you laugh. This is one verse to "Old Dan Tucker" by Bruce Springsteen. I gotta smile every time I read one of your posts or comments cause I think of ol' Rob Tucker...
Well, Old Dan Tucker, was a fine old man,
Washed his face in a frying pan
Combed his hair with a wagon wheel
Died with a toothache in his heel
That Dan Tucker, er Rob, is a bad ass and can muscle through anything.
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