Elimination Game

Weigh In: 281.4

I went to the Pistons/Celtics Game 6 tonight and sat about 15 rows from the court, dead center half court. Great seats, great venue, and most of the night was a great game.

The Pistons started slow but started to figure it out. They struggled but kept it close going into halftime. The third quarter came, they found their 5th gear and ROARED to a 10 point lead going into the 4th. In the fourth, it seemed like they let the foot off the gas, Boston caught up and ended up winning the game - eliminating the Pistons from the playoffs.

With 1:35 left in the game, the Pistons were down 6. It was a time-out, and about a one minute break in the action. I'm standing up looking at the scoreboard and I'm getting pissed. I think to myself, "we had this - we were rolling. We let our foot off the gas and the lead we had was pissed away. We were so close to winning but complacent and let the Celtics back into this game".

And then it clicks.

I'm the Detroit Pistons of weight loss.

I did great during the regular season. The last 6 years the Pistons have made the Eastern Conference. I've made it to 269 pounds like 6 times. Each time the Pistons got there, they let their foot off the gas, lost the ground, and struggled to regain that ground. I've let my foot off the gas, lost the ground, and struggled to regain those lost pounds.

The Pistons' season is over because of their complacency. I've been half assing it for months.

I know I've said this, but hopefully I mean it.

I'm running the 5k Race for the Cure tomorrow. I've got my pills, I've been doing a bit of running lately and I've been feeling OK, so I'm going to go for it. And when I get home, I'm going to carry that momenteum in the third quarter. I'm going to a graduation party this Sunday and I AM GOING TO EAT PERFECT. None of this "just a little bit" shit.

I hit 286 pounds this week. Let me spell that out. Two hunderd and EIGHTY SIX pounds.

There's no excuse for that. I'm not lazy in ANY other aspect of my life, but I'm being lazy with this.

Stops now. I'm not getting eliminated this post season.

Posting for Rip

Because Rip chewed my ass, I know I have to post soon or he's coming over to the house and kicking the door down :)

I went to the doc two days ago and long story made short, the hip problem that I've had was a pinched nerve between the F4 and F5 vertebrae (am I saying that right, I don't remember if that's right or not), and then there's 'severe inflammation' around the nerve. So, he gave me some anti-inflammatory drugs and set me up for 2 weeks of Physical Therapy. I've never done PT before, so I'm a bit interested in seeing what that's all about.

Since I've been taking the drugs, it seems to be helping. I went for a 2 mile run yesterday, hit the gym today, did my soccer coaching thing and running around, and then have a softball doubleheader tonight, so I'll keep busy. Eating has been "OK' - not stellar, but not bad - but I really need to get it locked in. My brain keeps telling me that I'm in maintenance mode, that's how I'm acting, and it's really, REALLY hard to get out of that mode once I've slipped in.

I need to start doing MORE. Feel more 'athletic'. I've got my bike in the back seat of my SUV (if you can call a Saturn VUE an SUV) just trying to get the seat fixed so I can start biking to work (about 8 miles). I need to do more runs. I need to get back in the gym MORE. I'm doing "OK", and it's clear that OK isn't enough.

Another day goes by, and it's another day that I'm stagnant. That bothers me, but it's easier to blog about than it is to do something about it.

At least I blogged today so Rip has to wait until tomorrow to beat me down again ;)

(In all seriousness, I really, really appreciate you guys getting on my ass. It's what I need right now).

Quick Holiday Blog

Weigh In: 279.8

Quick one, I just have to get SOMETHING in. Had a good workout this morning with Erin, went to breakfast (ended up with a mushroom/cheese omelet and 1 pancake) - and then off to the grocery store. From there, I worked outside ALL DAY. Just walked in the door about 15 minutes ago (it's now 9:45pm) - would have been working more if I didn't run out of sunlight.

Planted flowers, hauled dirt and mulch, raked/mowed the lawn, you name it. I'm flipping exhausted right now. Frankly, I can't see how I CAN'T lose weight tonight.

My body's beat up big time - just drained, but I got a ton accomplished today. Tomorrow - at the church at 7:45am for a performance at 8:30, another one at 11, and then back to the yard to finishing the trimming, fix the deck (a plank coming up) and a few more lawn related deals. Then, HUGE BBQ family bash on Memorial Day.

Happy Memorial Day weekend, folks.

Keeping Accountable

Hey guys - honestly, it's just been a 'getting to a computer' thing - I've actually been doing well. Thanks for the comments in the blog pushing me to post - that means a lot.

Last two weigh ins: 279.8 and 279.4 today.

Food's on target, have had turkey burgers and salmon grilled the last two nights, been having turkey chili for lunch (smart one's lunch today, didn't have time to make chili) with cereal for breakfast.

Had a concert last night that lasted until 9:30, came home and watched a quarter of the Pistons before falling asleep on the couch. The next few nights are going to be the same way - Tigers game (we're going) tonight, won't see the house before 10pm, then teaching lessons on Thursday night, then Friday we're going to another Tiger's game, and then Memorial Day weekend - one of my favorite weekends of the entire year.

Doing well - just haven't blogged. THANK YOU for keeping me accountable!

Turning Point?

8:00am weigh in: 281.2

Beers at night, playing games with friends until 12:30am, and then the Taco Bell run - where you order food just because you want it - knowing DAMN WELL what's going to happen in the morning.

Been there?

I'm tired of being there. Went there again last night night - so the weight SOARED. No surprise, and it's pretty much what I deserve.

I don't know what's going on - but this morning I feel different. I read a few articles in Men's Health this morning that inspired me a little bit, and went to the gym today and completely kicked my own ass - had a bit of the anger come back that pushed me to the point where my arms are so sore that if we were doing the YMCA dance, I could only do the M and the C.

I had 2 scrambled eggs and 2 pieces of toast for breakfast. I didn't even feel like eating that as I was so disgusted with my Taco Bell binge just 7 hours earlier. We went running errands, then to the gym, and I just wrapped up mowing the lawn, and Erin brought me out a PB&J on wheat while I was mowing. Had a bottled water with it.

I'm hungry right now, but I don't want to eat. I don't know if it's a 'punishment' or my body still cringing the Chalupas, Tacos and "Cheese Roll". It's called a freaking CHEESE ROLL, and I had one at 1am? Stupid.

So I feel like I'm at a breaking point. I've said this so many times where I don't know if I believe it or not, but maybe something clicked. I've been going through some stuff online, thinking about joining a health class at the gym, getting more into that mindset. I miss it. I can't just go to the gym with no purpose, work out hard and then eat like shit. It makes no freaking sense.

So, turning point, or all talk? We'll see where the rest of the week takes me.

Morning vs. Night

Weigh In: 277.4

So far, so good - came down a bit this morning. Was happy with that.

I'm discovering something about how my body works lately - I think that I need to start doing more activity at night. My body seems to react well to afternoon/night exercise. I get my morning work in, but for example - yesterday I didn't work out in the morning. Gave myself a breather because I knew I'd have time to exercise later. Risky, because there was a chance I'd just skip it since it wasn't 'habit' for me to work out during the day, but it worked. Played soccer with the 3-4 year olds, played softball and hit the gym for some cardio, all after 2pm. It's an entirely different world exercising when the sun is up.

The hip's still acting up - I'm starting to accept the fact that I should probably have it checked out. I don't have the time or desire to go see a doctor, but I may have to end up sucking it up. Joy.

Anyway, wanted to blog during the day while I had a few minutes.

Neutral

Weigh In: 279.8

Another quick one tonight - completely exhausted.

I'm still fighting this urge to eat everything in the cupboards. I don't know what it is - but it's a battle I'm milimeters from failing at. I don't know why I constantly am thinking about the next meal - the next anything- that I can stuff down my piehole, but it's all I've been thinking.

I'm doing well - in the gym, played softball tonight (triple, sweet), and did my youth soccer thing which meant I was running around chasing 3 and 4 year olds down for 45 minutes. It's a workout.

But I'm stalemated. It's like I'm winning half of the tug of war, and I'm losing miserably at the other side. I'm locked in at 279 and that's just rediculous.

Add to this that the hip's been giving me some grief lately (I don't even want to think about how it's going to feel when I wake up in the AM), and it makes for high levels of frustration. But, I have to keep going - keep focused, and get the eating on track. I just can't quit.

Gotta Keep Posting

Yesterday's Weigh In: 279.4
Today's Weigh In: 279.8

Sorry I didn't post yesterday, my intentions are to get back to posting every day. Got busy, ended up working on business until 10:30pm last night, and then straight to bed. Had the Pistons game going on in the background so it slowed progress a little bit ;)

I'm "back" under 280 but I don't think that's something to celebrate. I don't even want to think of it, actually.

I went out for a run this morning - I get a lot more out of it than I do hitting the treadmill or eliptical, but I've been having issues with my right hip for the past 5-6 months, I get really stiff when I run. I've been kind of hobbling around today as it's super stiff. One of these days I'm going to have to get it checked out - I'm not sure what the story is. Picture running (and yes, stretching it out and cooling it down) but the front-right part of the hip tightens up like a rubber band in a freezer. Pain in the butt - won't keep me from running though.

Not much else to report, just got into the office but wanted to post SOMETHING.

Truth In Advertising

I wanted to start keeping myself accountable to you folks again - this means reporting my weigh ins. The sharp ones have noticed I've intentionally kept it off of the board. Frankly, I'm pretty ashamed of myself for it. But if I'm going to get back on the road, I have to have a map. So, here goes nothing.

Today's Weigh In: 282.4

That's just rediculous to me. I was so frustrated with myself over the past few weeks that I felt it completely steamroll me. One bad meal in an otherwise good day turned into a bad night. That bad night turned into me remembering how good it is to eat fried food. Next thing you know, I'm justifying popcorn shrimp and boneless barbequed buffalo wings because the chicken tenders I got with it (oh, and 44 ounces of Samuel Adams) were grilled.

And it wasn't just one meal - I've felt it spiral out of control. I've felt that helpless feeling of "well, I've already f'ed the goat today, I might as well have (fill in the blank). I felt each day that I slipped farther and farther away from 270 added to the hopelessness. Then I saw 279 and thought that I'd line it up. And then I had a shitty weekend. So I'm rewarded with the 280's again.

That's how I yo-yo dieted for years. I can't allow myself to fall into that trap again.

So today I decided to get back into gear - I know I've heard myself say that a hundred times. I've been ashamed of myself lately - I didn't want to say "I'm going to do this again!" because I know what you all are thinking. I'm thinking it too - HOW MANY TIMES IS HE GOING TO SAY THIS INSTEAD OF DO THIS?

I know. And I don't know the answer. I don't know the "why" that is associated with this entire thing. I only know that I have to link a few good days together before I can even talk about being "back".

Today, I had a small bowl of Raisin Bran Crunch for breakfast, 2 bananas and turkey chili for lunch, oatmeal as a snack at work, some almonds before dinner, and baked salmon with salad and corn on the cob for dinner.

One day at a time. I promise that I'll try and catch up on everyone's blogs ASAP as well - been a horrible blog buddy this month. Currently, I am 97 blogs back. Daunting - but you guys have earned the right to be read. I'll get to you, sooner than later.

A week already?

It's hard to believe it's been a week since I've posted. I've wanted to, I've actually sat down and hit the "compose" button a few times - but I've had nothing to say.

Tell me if you've heard this one before:

"I'm busy, hardly have time for anything - been working out a lot, hardly missing a day in the gym. The problem is that my eating has been bad - I eat well most of the day, and then there's always one point where I screw it up. I'm not feeling motivated right now, but I'm going to start RIGHT NOW, and everything is going to be great! Back at it starting NOW!"

Heard that one from me before?

I need to get it to stick. I'm not sure why, but I'm fighting the stagnant lifestyle again. Went to two mother's day parties today and just ate bad. Side dishes, cheeseburgers (yes, plural - one at each), cheese and crackers, cupcakes... just out of control. And I have this thing in my head where there's a mental battle.. the "you're doing so bad you might as well keep eating" - and the "what the HELL are you doing to yourself?!?"

The war isn't over, and I've won a bunch of battles in the past. The past few months - this army is on its heels, backed into a corner.

This week will be a test for me. Do I want it - or am I weak enough to 'settle' for where I am?

Get on me folks - I really need you guys.

In Like a Lion, Out Like a Lamb

After last night's poor decisions, I made up with some great ones today.

Gary and his new son Brennan got baptized today, and afterwards they had a party at their house. Fried foods all over the place: fried chicken, fried potatoes, french fries, cakes.. you name it, not a healthy choice in the house.

So, I didn't eat. I had a peanut butter/jelly rollup when I got home.

Went to dinner tonight.

Had broiled cod and green beans w/ diet Coke.

I have to get back into this mentality that I HAVE to sacrifice - and that it's the only way things are going to get done.

So I did well today.

Slap Me

Weigh In: 275.6

Believe it or not, that above weigh in is the best I've seen since I last reported a weight about 2 weeks ago.

Not much to say again today - I probably should be more down on myself than I am. I had a great start to my day - a GREAT workout, healthy breakfast, healthy lunch, healthy snacks, and then we went to dinner - healthy salad.

Then, went to the bar and had nachos. Not a ton of them, but enough that I should be pissed at myself. Erin and I split one - and she gave me the glare when I ordered them, but as we were working them down, about 2/3 of the way, she put the napkin on the plate and had the waiter take them away. I also had a tall Sam Adams Summer Ale - not the greatest one Adams has ever made, but definitely a pretty good beer.

The problem isn't as much the nachos - it's the lackadaisical attitude I have about it. I feel no 'remorse' at all. THAT is where the problem is, and I know it. It's a mental game, and I can't say I'm LOSING it - it's that I'm not even showing up the field.

Short but required

Calories Counted: 2,397

I'm going to make this short and sweet, it's 12:30am and I'm back up and in the gym in a few hours, but I HAD to report my calories - it's after all, Day 1 of restart #42525.

A good day - I ate kind of late, but that's because I've been working my tail off. I got a lot done today, and headed into the weekend it's packed full as usual. But it's fun stuff - softball, the gym, teaching a lesson, church stuff - active lifestyle, right?

So - hopefully I can get into a flow here. Let's see what happens.

Old Habits

I started counting calories again today. When I went back into my calorie-count.com profile, I realized it's been since December since I've done this. Back to business.

I don't have much to say - I don't really want to get into this big motivational thing about "I've done it before, I'll do it again.. this is what I'm going to do.. blah blah blah", because I know you all are as tired of hearing it as I am of saying it. Hell, I've even said *THAT* thirty times before.

It's hard to stay diligent over a long period of time like this. When I look back, I've been doing this weight loss and blog thing for a YEAR AND A HALF. This will be my 460th blog entry. Part of me wants to be impressed by that - the fact that over the long haul, I've stuck to this. Another part of me is just frustrated that in all this time and blogs I've still not figured out how to be consistent with this whole thing.

I make the same mistakes, over and over again. I go strong for a few weeks, hit a milestone that I'm proud of, and then lay off and lose the milestone, just to go back and have to chase it again. I don't know why, and I can't explain it.

So.. here we go again? I'm going back to counting my calories - ALL my calories. I've already established that I'm strong in the gym (cranked it out again today), so it's all on my ability to eat smart.

Now, if I could only get to the 45 unread blogs in my Google Reader.. I'm trying folks, I've been a piss poor blog buddy lately. Hang in there with me.