Just Do It

Weigh In: 332
Workout: Full workout, same as detailed a few days ago. Don't have it in front of me, but it's the "Freeweight" workout.

In yesterday's blog, I was concerned about not being able to visualize how I'm going to be able to lose the weight, and I think some got the wrong impression.

I don't doubt that I'm going to succeed, but it's uncharted territory for me. I've always been someone that hides behind my weight - joking about it even - and for me to take a serious look at where I am and what I want to be.. it takes a realistic shot to my soul, and it's a major reality check for me. There's still something deep inside of me that is afraid to lose this weight, and I'm not sure what it is, or why it's there. It's almost like, am I going to be able to do this? What's different this time as opposed to all the other times that I've failed? What will I do when I get there?

Depending on the day, I've got a different answer for each one of those questions.

The good news is, as I've said before - a challenge motivates me. I can't even pretend to lie and say that going from 330.5 to 334 in ONE day didn't really, REALLY bother me. It threw every ounce of doubt right back into my face, and those questions resurfaced.

The good news is, the scale dropped back down to 332 today.

The whole process is mentally draining to me, but it's something that I want enough that I have no plans on stopping any time soon. In fact, the first thing I do every day is come downstairs and check this blog to see if anyone's replied. And then, probably 10-15 times a day, I do the same thing. Any posts or comments? Anyone else blog today? Anyone else reply? What else is going on in the FAT Coalition that I may be able to read about.

It's consuming me. I want this so bad. I have no idea what will happen once I get there, but I figure that it's a problem I'll worry about when I get there. In the meantime, just keep on me. I said it November 22 when I started, and it hasn't changed:

If it wasn't for the friends and family who read this blog and encourage me to continue the fight, I probably would have failed by now.

Hang in there with me.