I wanted to start keeping myself accountable to you folks again - this means reporting my weigh ins. The sharp ones have noticed I've intentionally kept it off of the board. Frankly, I'm pretty ashamed of myself for it. But if I'm going to get back on the road, I have to have a map. So, here goes nothing.
Today's Weigh In: 282.4
That's just rediculous to me. I was so frustrated with myself over the past few weeks that I felt it completely steamroll me. One bad meal in an otherwise good day turned into a bad night. That bad night turned into me remembering how good it is to eat fried food. Next thing you know, I'm justifying popcorn shrimp and boneless barbequed buffalo wings because the chicken tenders I got with it (oh, and 44 ounces of Samuel Adams) were grilled.
And it wasn't just one meal - I've felt it spiral out of control. I've felt that helpless feeling of "well, I've already f'ed the goat today, I might as well have (fill in the blank). I felt each day that I slipped farther and farther away from 270 added to the hopelessness. Then I saw 279 and thought that I'd line it up. And then I had a shitty weekend. So I'm rewarded with the 280's again.
That's how I yo-yo dieted for years. I can't allow myself to fall into that trap again.
So today I decided to get back into gear - I know I've heard myself say that a hundred times. I've been ashamed of myself lately - I didn't want to say "I'm going to do this again!" because I know what you all are thinking. I'm thinking it too - HOW MANY TIMES IS HE GOING TO SAY THIS INSTEAD OF DO THIS?
I know. And I don't know the answer. I don't know the "why" that is associated with this entire thing. I only know that I have to link a few good days together before I can even talk about being "back".
Today, I had a small bowl of Raisin Bran Crunch for breakfast, 2 bananas and turkey chili for lunch, oatmeal as a snack at work, some almonds before dinner, and baked salmon with salad and corn on the cob for dinner.
One day at a time. I promise that I'll try and catch up on everyone's blogs ASAP as well - been a horrible blog buddy this month. Currently, I am 97 blogs back. Daunting - but you guys have earned the right to be read. I'll get to you, sooner than later.
8 comments:
I think that you may be a little hard on yourself sometimes. I'm the same way though...you know...you are your own worst critic type of thing.
Anyways, I just wanted to say that you don't need to feel ashamed, guilty, or embarrassed about having some slip-ups and having to start over again. It happens to all of us. We all are fighting similar battles within ourselves and against body fat. There is a reason why so many of us read and enjoy your blog, because we are going through a very similar situation...and those people who read your blog and are not going through a similar situation...well watch out for them because they are just creepy!
I guess it's because I've always considered myself a "leader" of the Coalition based on the time I've been doing this.
After writing that last night, the things that are clear to me relate to the struggle with food I've ALWAYS had, even when I was a skinny kid in high school and metabolism was my friend.
It's no secret that the food battle is the one I'm waging, and I've got a lot of work to do in that department. I'll be blogging more about different aspects of that hopefully sometime today.
Rob, glad to see you reinvesting in your health/weight and to the FAT coalition. Food is tricky and the majority of us have all fallen into the same trap you have described (I know I have). You are right in saying once you figure out your diet everything else will fall into place, thats so true. Your food choices look really good, but pay close attention to portion sizes. I know portions are what I have always overlooked. 4 oz of meat is the size of a deck of playing cards.... I cant remember the last time I ate a piece of chicken or beef the size of a deck of playing cards. Dont forget lots of water too. Keep the blogs rolling and accountability up.
Hey Rob good to see that weight up there again. I know you don't like what you see but that is the point. Let that disappointment or anger fuel you into changing for the better, not making you do worse. I agree to a point when you say get your diet in line and everything else will fall into place...
However, I think attitude and frame of mind are the most important parts of weight loss. If you don't have that figured out you're just setting yourself up for failure. You say that you've been a master of the yo-yo dieting, to me that says that your heart is in it but your head isn't and when something goes wrong your heart gets out of it.
We all know you can do it Rob, you know you can do it, and you have. You need to get in the right frame of mind that this isn't going to fix itself and that if your weight goes up during the week it isn't a failure it is just part of the process. It took me about 5 years to realize that its about attitude, get your head right and everything else will follow is my motto...stay with it Rob, I love reading your blog and love seeing your success!
You say that you've been a master of the yo-yo dieting, to me that says that your heart is in it but your head isn't and when something goes wrong your heart gets out of it.
You know the weirdest part? It's not when something goes BAD where I give up - but when I start seeing success. I can't explain that part of it. The last two times I've "fallen" were when I FINALLY got under 270. It's almost as if my brain thinks that it's accomplished something and needs to reward itself. I don't know why.
I'll like a third chance to get under 270 - but for now, I'm going to get the food in order, keep on going to the gym, and let the scale read what it's going to read. FWIW, it was down a few pounds today.
For me, I have the attitude it's all or nothing...I don't like the sometimes on sometimes off type thing which some people are the only way to do something. That's why I just quit smoking and chewing cold turkey because if I tried to slowly quit I would never quit.
I also kind of have a drill instructor type of attitude on myself for achieving goals. If I don't meet a goal I take away something I enjoy. I know that this could be bad for some people so if it isn't for you I wouldn't suggest doing it but it helps me out a lot. For instance, I love drinking with my friends however, my weight loss attitude was getting lax and I was eating like I was before when i was drunk, I knew my 2nd goal was coming up so I took away drinking to attain that goal, and even though I hit my goal yesterday I'm still not going to drink until june.
Like I said, I don't know if any of this applies to you because for some people it could just depress them into making more poor choices or not wanting to do it, but for me it makes me want to strive to get the things I enjoy back and I see better results...
How did yesterday go Rob??? no new post?? Keep it real man.
"One bad meal in an otherwise good day turned into a bad night. That bad night turned into me remembering how good it is to eat fried food. Next thing you know, I'm justifying..."
Man, you said it. That's exactly how it happens, isn't it? Not sure what to say that ain't been said. Get the fire back.
Remember Phoenix Theory"
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